Post # 1
Please forgive me, this is my first post. Here is the background:
Just got engaged last week (been dating the guy over 4 years- I’m 27, he is 28)
My “best friend”/ roommate is 32 and not really dating anyone, and I realized she had been talking about me behind my back to a girl that I had introduced her to. We had talked about being MOH’s in each other’s weddings for over 15 years.
2 Delemas (sp?): The same night I told my roommate that I was engaged she came home while on the phone saying “Of course I F’ing care!” Why wouldn’t I care that she got engaged?!” Then later, the next day, she was on the phone (she does not speak quietly), and exclaimed that, I “am not even that good looking”, and she “doesn’t understand how could already be engaged when [she] is not.” The girl that I introduced her to will not stick up for me when my roommate talks about me, even though she knows me. My fiance is ok with not inviting the roommate, but he wants to invite the other girl. I feel like if both of them were true friends, then 1. they would never talk about me behind my back, and 2. that the other girl is not a true friend if she is not mature enough to say stop talking about her. They have now stopped inviting me to happy hours and other events (all of this happened as soon as I got engaged). Do I have to invite both of these women to my wedding, when I feel like all they are going to do is complain about it the whole time?
Sorry for the long post!
Post # 3
I say you have no obligation to invite either of them. I think that it is really childish of them to act this way. There are lots of ladies that do get wedding envy as soon as you become engaged, because I have noticed it in a few people.
By the way, CONGRATS!!
Post # 4
You absolutely do not have to invite them to your wedding! It’s your day, and having two people there who are childish and have the potential to make you miserable is not necessary. I’m sorry that they are not happier for you! Congratulations!
Post # 5
I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this! I would just wait it out and see how/if things change. It looks like you have a while until your big day, so things could be much different then. You don’t want to jump the gun so soon.
Maybe you could try talking to them? Easier said than done, I know. But, perhaps there’s a misunderstanding somewhere along the way. Girls tend to be catty to other girls (don’t you hate that!), so as happy as they are for you, they could be jealous and need to vent to another single girl.
All that being said, it is YOUR (well,and your FI’s) day. I firmly believe that it is a day full of love and you should only be surrounded by those who love you and are positive about your marriage. If, by the time your wedding rolls around, they’re not acting like a good friend should, then follow your heart.
Good luck! I hope it all works out!
Post # 6
You don’t have to invite either of them. I could see how they might feel a bit jealous, but talking about you like that is not cool. Maybe they’ll realize how immature they’re being and apologize in a few days/weeks. If not, it might be time to distance yourself from both of them.
Post # 7
Congrats on being engaged!!! YAY!
Is your wedding in 2015? If so I wouldn’t worry about who is on your guest list right now! If these two continue being this way than I am sure they won’t even be in your life by 2015.
However, you said that this girl has been your Boyfriend or Best Friend for 15 years? If it were me I would talk to her. I would bring up how you over heard her talking about you and it hurt your feelings. If the relationship is worth keeping you guys will be able to work things out. All friendships go through hardships!
Good Luck and Congrats again!
Post # 8
I guess I should clarify…I realized that they started talking about me before my wedding because my Fiance was getting ready to propose (this was over a month ago). Thanks for all of the congrats!
Post # 9
I wouldn’t invite either of them! Sorry they are acting like that, thats really crappy of them. I’d distance myself as much as possible and stop talking to them all together if I were you. Find possitive people in your life though and stick with them! And congrats on your engagement!!!! 🙂
Post # 10
Oh, the date is that far out because we haven’t set a date yet.
Post # 11
Don’t invite anyone to your wedding that you don’t want to come! BUT, if you listed the correct wedding date in your bio, it looks like your wedding isn’t for almost 5 more years – I would give these ladies a chance to get over their jealousy and be good friends again. It could happen, or they could be completely out of your life by the time your wedding rolls around. I wouldn’t make any invitation list decisions yet if I were you 😉
EDIT: Just saw your response about the date – ignore my comment. Well, except for the first sentence 🙂
Post # 12
Congratulations … I hope you can move out soon!
Post # 13
I would think about why type of future you see with you and these girls
Do you think this is the begining of the end? Do you think you will really know them in 10 years?
If the awnser is “Yes”…then you may regret not inviting them. Freindships have thier ups and downs. Now that I have already had my wedding…….I realized that sometimes we make choices that we will regret later. Based on how relationships are RIGHT NOW….nost based on what they have been and will be in the future
This girl sounds like a total brat. If you think you will not stay freinds with her…then just don’t invite them.
BUT if you think that you really value these ladies and plan to know them for years to come….I would suggest just inviting them. If you stay freinds…you will never regret inviting them…but you will regret it if you don’t
Post # 14
Congrats to you on your engagement! I would be very direct with your friend – after all, it’s been 15 years! But don’t sugarcoat your feelings – she’s being wretched! But it’s probably coming from a bad place inside her, not her feelings for you. So try and work it out. If you confront her in a meaningful, honest way, and she is rude like that to your face? Then you’ll have some thinking to do! move out soon 🙂
Post # 15
It sounds like your friend is really immature and also in a lot of pain and unable to say what she really feels. No way is it nice or decent of her to say that you aren’t even good looking, but what she really felt was probably more along the lines of, “I feel so ugly! Men hate me! I’m going to die alone!” It sounds like your engagement jolted her to the realization that her life isn’t where she wanted it to be and that she is really unhappy. While she’s busy hating herself she probably won’t be much of a friend to you. It’s one thing to wallow in self pity for a little while, but she’s being overtly aggressive by not inviting you out and talking about you behind your back. I’m sorry but this friendship might be over 🙁 You don’t have to invite either of them if they continue to act like this.
Post # 16
Congratulations on your engagement! I’m sure with “friends” like yours they obviously haven’t told you that enough! You have SO much to look forward to
As far as your “friends” I feel like you should have no obligation to either of them. Your roomate I 100% would not invite. She’s totally jealous of you. Her trash talking you saying that she can’t understand how you are engaged before her is just plain rude!
Your other friend might not have stood up for you because it puts her in an odd position. Do you have proof that she too was talking trash about you? You only heard 1 side of the convo from your roomate who clearly was dissing you but maybe the girl on the other end was simply saying “uh huh, uh huh” and not making any comments but just listening to a jealous rant. I would talk to this friend individually and ask her up front if she is talking about you behind your back and maybe keep your ears open to see if there is any proof.
If you honestly want to have your roomate/bf in your wedding then you should sit down and talk to her honestly. Tell her you heard what she said and it was hurtful and rude, ask her why they aren’t inviting you out anymore. If she has no good response then drop her and don’t have her in your wedding (it will only aggrivate you) and don’t invite her to the wedding. If she is genuinely sorry for her comments and makes an effort to be happy for you and more supportive then I’d give her another shot.