(Closed) Best friend not being a best friend at all.. help! :(

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: What should I do? (I knew you would help if there is a poll!)

    Just let her go. If she wants to be in your wedding she'll come around. If not, oh well.

    Try to talk things out. (again)

  • Post # 3
    429 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    A lot of us went through that.  I also had a friend who acted that way, now she is more of a former friend although we don’t really talk about it.  I guess I am saving it for later, after the stress of the wedding is over so I won’t go crazy on her for abandoning me when I asked for support.

    Post # 4
    2653 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    When you spoke to her about it what did she say? I voted try to talk things out with her. Maybe she can shed some light…

    Post # 5
    8880 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    Talk to her again but this time tell her exactly how you feel. Don’t beat around the bush – tell her you’re a little hurt that she’s not more interested. Maybe there is something going on in her life you don’t know about? Tell her you want a heart to heart to get your friendship back.


    Post # 6
    442 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I’ve been going through similar things with my Maid/Matron of Honor.  She is also gettign married (although they may hold off now) and she has been fairly rude when I try to talk wedding with her.  I think the best thing to do is be very direct with her.  Tell her how and why your feelings were hurt, but also ask if everything is OK with her.  Maybe she is having a hard time in her relationship and doesn’t want to talk to you about it because you already don’t like him.  Good luck!  It’s really hard to grow apart from friends!

    Post # 7
    3885 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    It sounds like you’re growing apart a bit, which happens when you both get love interests, both get busy, and don’t see each other very often.  It also sounds like she’s just not that into weddings in general. That doesn’t mean she isn’t into YOUR wedding; it just means that some people aren’t that excited about the fashion and decor, and have a really hard time faking it. This isn’t a bad thing. We all like different stuff, and if there’s other people who you can share the excitement with, I’d let them in wherever they want to be.  But I would not hold that against the MoH.  If she’s not excited about lanters and doesn’t care about sweetheart necklines, then that’s not going to change just because it’s your wedding. Pick and choose who you share certain types of conversations with, and don’t take it personally when not everyone wants to talk about everything.

    It’s perfectly normal that she would not tell you immediately upon getting back together with her boyfriend; after all, you never liked him, and she knew that, and you helped her feel better when she was heartbroken over him. 

    I think you should plan something with her— trip to the spa, or a nice dinner out, not a bar hop— reconnect as friends, and try not to talk too much about your wedding. Not that your wedding is a bad thing; just that sometimes people get overwhelmed with all the little details, and they feel like you’re not connecting any more. 

    Post # 8
    1381 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    Omigoshhhhh.. I had the same problem.

    My super bestie (of like 10 years) wasn’t all that thrilled for me when I first texted her about my engagement.  It was almost as if she had to feign excitement.  Then I think she started to become a little distant even.  I think recently things have been going back to normal, but she did have a period where she acted totally different.

    I tried to look at this from an outsider’s perspective and came up with the following theories:

    • All our mutual friends from college started getting engaged/married one by one, and maybe she was getting a little bit anxious or even resentful that I got engaged next…
    • Maybe she immediately started getting anxious at the thought of being a Maid/Matron of Honor for me.. as she is tight with finances with now and super stressed at work to be planning all the festivities
    • Maybe she thought she was gonna lose me as a friend… once I got engaged.. then get married…then have children..
    • Or… She’s depressed in her current position, where she’s been talking to the biggest loser for longer than she’s known me.. They met in a CHAT ROOM, he’s clinically bipolar, jobless, is a compulsive liar and womanizer, addicted to gambling, unmotivated and thus poor.  The only thing the poor bastard has going for him is the fact that he’s well-endowed “down there”. 😛 Their relationship is getting nowhere and she knows it, but she’s too afraid to drop all contact with him.  She’s tried to date other people but keeps going back to this douchebag.  (Can you tell I absolutely hate him?)  Gosh.. I totally just ranted – sorry!

    Maybe you can talk it out with her as PP’s noted, but my bestie doesn’t do well with confrontation and tends to sugarcoat everything.  I just hoped for the best and that she would come around, and it seems like she has.  Hanging out with her often even after getting engaged seemed to make things a little better.

    Post # 10
    1375 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    It sounds like you’re both rather young (seniors in college).  I was the Maid/Matron of Honor in a friend’s wedding at 24 and was ready to drink the bar dry because I was so overwhelmed at the fact that someone I was close to was getting married (I joined a facebook group called ‘My friends are getting married, I’m just getting drunk’).

    My point is – she is in a different place than you.  You’re picking out dresses and centerpieces, she’s watching football games with her boyfriend.  And that’s fine.  We all have different priorities, and your wedding will never be as important to other people (even your MOH) as it is to you.

    If you are concerned about the friendship, I would bring that up, but please don’t talk about how she isn’t interested in your wedding.

    Post # 9
    1290 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    Try to talk with her about it..again. If she still blows your off you should really ask if she wants to be your Maid/Matron of Honor or should you be selecting someone else? Not spitefully – just matter of factly

    Post # 11
    111 posts
    Blushing bee

    I think you should talk to her – not in a confrontational way, but ask her what’s up. I have no doubt that she has underlying problems in her life that are making her seem uninterested in your wedding planning.

    IMO (this is only what I have gathered based on what you’ve said), things might not be going too well with her boyfriend right now. It could be a number of things, he’s not willing to commit, they’re struggling to make it work financially, etc. I suspect she knows that you don’t particularly like her boyfriend, right? She might be hesitant to tell you about these things?

    Post # 12
    5950 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2018

    Yikes, that’s no good at all!

    I’ll just bet, that for every one of your owies, your friend has one to match it, this sounds like a classic case of friendship funk, any life changing event or lack thereof can bring it on, it makes people uber sensitive, totally despondant psychopaths….

    Sounds like your friend knows her boyfriend brings the suck, hence hiding their dubious reconcilliaion from you after such tender loving care on your part, she might have gotten back together with him just to avoid being alone…you just never know.

    The rest of it, I would really ignore until I had a chance to get together with her and have a No Shit Allowed, Let’s Hug It Out talk with her about all of it, because I’ll just bet that she’s thinking you hate her and is totally unaware of the stuff she did to hurt you…classic blind double cross, solved with an appletini and a hug EVERYTIME!

    Post # 13
    2780 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    No one will ever be as interested in your wedding as you are. 

    Is she ignoring you about non-wedding related things too? Or is she just avoiding the annoying constant wedding talk? Even your Fiance will get annoyed if all you ever do is talk about the wedding. Other people have things going on in their lives that are more important then if you picked out your dress or not. 

    A wedding is one day, maybe calm down with the wedding talk and see if she comes around more.

    Post # 16
    2780 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    View original reply
    @OnceUponATime:  Honestly, she knew you didn’t like him, you probably took their breakup as a chance to voice your real opinion about him and now that they are back together she feels you don’t support her decision. Or just doesn’t want to deal with your negativity towards their relationship.

    The topic ‘Best friend not being a best friend at all.. help! :(’ is closed to new replies.

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