(Closed) Best Friend Not Supportive

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Hostess
7564 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

It sounds like you need to make a little more time for your best friend. She needs to know that you still love her as much as you used to, and that you can still relate to one another. 

The MOH thing is your choice, to me it’s a secondary issue to the giant problem of your best friend forever being distant. I would choose the old best friend to show her that she can still be an important part of your married life. Or, I would choose them both. IMO, choosing the newer best friend would just futher isolate your old best friend and seriously jeapordize your realtionship. 

Post # 5
Member
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Wow… well if you’re willing to let the friendship go because she’s not as “giddy” as your other friends, how strong is this friendship in the first place?  I have been in her shoes, and quite honestly it IS difficult…. and personally I think you should take some time out and work on the friendship rather than worrying about who is going to fit into your future.  It’s quite possible that she doesn’t really want to be in your wedding??  Just throwing it out there….  Have you asked her why she is not excited for you?

Post # 6
Member
857 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Nobody is ever going to be as excited for your wedding as you are. I think you need to step back and look at the situation – frined #1 has known you for a long time. Perhaps there’s something she’s keeping from you – maybe she just really doesn’t like FI. Regardless, you’ve been friends for a long time for a reason – i’d just go grab some drinks and bring it up, but if she says nothing about why she’s acting weird, then drop it. 

Post # 7
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You can’t expect asking someone to be in your bridal party as a friendship fix, which is what it sounds like you think could happen with friend 1.  It sounds like the two of you haven’t been close for a while. 

Your best friend isn’t the person who comments the most on fb photos – she’s the person you’d call at 3 AM to hide a body.  If that’s friend 1, then ask her to be your MOH.  If not, then don’t.

Post # 8
Member
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I just have this to say: if you do ask 2nd friend and 1st friend gets upset… what you tell her is exactly what you told us. That she has been unenthusiastic and unsupportive . 

I had a brief moment of MOH regret – we had a falling out for a while and I was very close with another friend during that period – but my BFF and I eventually made up, and even though she lives out of state now, I’m confident she’s the one who should be standing next to me holding my bouquet and helping me plan. She introduced me to my FI and we’ve been through a lot together. My other very close friend is still a bridesmaid and happy to be a part of the wedding party. 

I think you should talk to friend 1 – carefully! – about why she’s so unenthused about your engagement/wedding. 

Post # 9
Member
261 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

You could always have 2 MOH’s 🙂 

 

Post # 11
Member
3645 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@Budgeting in Seattle:  Exactly what I was going to say! There is nothing wrong with this at all. It means no hurt feelings, one supportive MOH and perhaps 2 if the other one steps up but she doesn’t have to. 

Post # 12
Member
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I am in the exact same situation, I have two best friends.. but I chose MOH for the friend who has characteristics of the 1st situation you mentioned. Now, I am completely kicking myself, and have a completely inactive MOH. My advice would be to either name two MOH’s or not name anyone an MOH, essentially have all bridesmaids.. then you could explain to both that you have such a strong bond to both that you couldn’t possibly choose only 1. You wouldn’t think, but the title comes with so much expectations (unfortunately.. and I don’t mean monetary at all.. I mean emotionally, and that is a huge title to give someone) and as a bride it can get very frustrating to have an MOH who is so hard headed and ignorant to your new life. That’s just my opinion though, and if I could go back in time I would either name 2 MOH’s or none. Good luck! I know this is so hard. 

Post # 14
Member
25 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2013

i was in the same position. My ‘best friend’ we have been friends since grade school and since we graduated college we just havent been close..at all…and she just seems uninterested in the whole wedding thing and is so flakey with hanging out or trying to get all the girls together to do wedding stuff…

so i decided to make someone else my MOH, and she ended up flipping out. But in the end im glad i made my decision because you don’t need a MOH who is basically going to be absent and absent minded throughout your whole wedding process…you need someone who is going to be supportive and happy for you. YOu need someone that you are close to in present time.

you can’t feel bad because in reality you guys just arent as close anymore and she should still be happy for you and happy that she is still a part of your wedding. 

you cant please everyone, just be real with yourself

Post # 15
Member
969 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Please don’t expect putting someone in your wedding to be a friendship fix. If she isn’t enthusiastic now, she isn’t going to be more enthusiastic as a MOH– especially if she already assumes she will be your MOH! 

I wouldn’t think so much about the number of Facebook posts, though.

You WILL want emotional support, and I would definitely choose the one that genuinely seems excited. MOH is there to stand up for and support the bride, not the other way around. Don’t spend your engagement trying to appease an unhappy MOH.

Post # 16
Member
66 posts
Worker bee

@AnonymousCupcake:  I do Agree with you on this, it is an important role and if there is any feeling that ur MOH might not step up to the plate, you might need to just have a chat to her and if this doesn’t go well, u might need to rethink giving her such a big role. 

I have a very demanding, often negative sister who puts me down fairly often and doesn’t seem to share in my excitement about an upcoming proposal from my SO. I love her to bits but don’t love the fact that she has said to me “I better be ur MOH”. I’m thinking of not having any MOH and perhaps not BM to avoid this situation!

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