Post # 1
Ok, so I’ll say up front, this is JUST a vent because I have no place else to let the hurt feelings out. That being said… my “best friend” and I have a 20 year friendship. A couple of years ago we both went through divorces and stood by each others sides through it all. We were both abused as children and have bonded over lack of family, we were each others family, we called each other sister. When I got engaged a couple of months ago, I immediately asked her to be in my wedding. I couldn’t imagine getting married without her there. Since her divorce she had gotten back together with the man that In My Humble Opinion she should have married 18 years ago. Two weeks ago she started texting me that she and her dearly beloved were getting married soon. How exciting, right? She texted me Thursday that it was happening on Saturday, the 4th. I couldn’t talk at that moment so I texted back telling her to send me details; place, time, etc… She sent back that it would be at her house (15 mins away), quick & simple exchange of vows & that she’d send me pictures. Yes, send me pictures. Now, I in no way ever expected her to make me anything if she had a wedding, that’s not why I’m upset but I seriously would have loved to watch her marry this man who has made her so happy. We’ve sworn for 20 years to be there for one another for everything, but for some reason I was left out of one of the most special moments of her life. I am crushed. I’m not sure what to do now about her and my marriage (not till October). Maybe it’s irrational, but I feel betrayed and alone. Uuuugh, ok, end vent.
Post # 2
Take a few days to cool off. This doesn’t sound like a personal snub and it honestly sounds like you will regret not having her apart of your wedding in October.
Post # 3
I’m guessing it was a “family only” thing. I really don’t think it was a personal attack or anything, I just think she wanted something simple. Maybe offer to help her throw a reception if she’s interested, or a “girl’s night” in place of a bachelorette party. I get why you took this personally, but you really can’t.
Post # 4
Did other people get invited? Maybe they just had a little thing. My friend of 25 years got married last summer and I was not invited. I was a little disappointed until I learned it was only immediate family. She is going to be one of two bridesmaids in my wedding this July regardless because I love her and we have been friends since first grade!
Post # 5
Maybe your friend doesn’t think it’s a big deal because this is her second marriage / wedding? I would just talk to her about it if it bothers you that much. Like ask about the details of the wedding and casually mention that you would have loved to see her get married (with a positive tone – no resentment!). It’d be better to know the truth (likely that she didn’t mean any ill intent) than to torment yourself with hypothetical situations.
Post # 6
Thanks for the replies of reassurance. It’s hard, we’re both estranged from our parents and she from her siblings (they all stood up for the brother that raped her at age 17). That’s the reason we were family to each other. I have no siblings or other family so she really was my everything. How pathetic is it, if she doesn’t end up at mine for whatever reason, I’ll have one person sitting there to watch me and no one standing with me. Sigh, courthouse anyone? Lol, don’t you just love emotions? ; )
Post # 7
She told you she was getting married, and got married three days later? Wow! It seems like it was a small, family only thing! Don’t know! I understand the hurt feelings though. 🙁
Post # 8
legos41015: I think they’ve actually been talking about getting married for awhile now, I just found out last minute.
Post # 9
MrsShipman: Who was at the wedding?
Post # 10
MrsShipman: I’m not sure why you didn’t say “picture-schmicture! I want to be there in person!”, especially if you’ve guys been best friends for 20 years….
Post # 11
MrsShipman: You guys have been friends for a long time. I would tell her that you feel sad you weren’t able to be there for her wedding, and maybe ask if anything has changed between you two?
Post # 12
Oh wow. I feel bad about my wedding now haha. My best friend isn’t invited. But nobody else is either, it’s just going to be me and Fiance. I can understand you feeling upset but it does sound like a small wedding. I don’t think you said but is anyone else invited or is the wedding going to be like mine, no guests? If there are guests and she just hasn’t invited you then I would be wondering why but otherwise I wouldn’t be too bothered. The reason we’re not having guests is because we hate the thought of being the centre of attention and can’t imagine a more perfect say than just being the two of us. I honestly think I would hate my wedding if I had guests not because of the people who would be there but just because I wouldn’t like trying to please everyone and having people watching me haha.
Post # 13
MrsShipman: I can understand feeling hurt, but I think this is one of those things where she wanted to tell you so that you didn’t find out AFTER they got married, but I think they wanted it to be between the two of them.
The only thing you can really do is be happy for your friend that she is happy and married to someone that she loves.
It’s nothing personal, so don’t take it that way.
Post # 14
You should be happy for your friend. This is not about you.
Post # 15
MrsShipman: You can be sad that you weren’t there to witness them getting married. But- you should also be incredibly happy that she is married to the man she loves. Perhaps the situation worked for them and they went for it. I’m sure they had no intention of hurting anyone.