Best friend – out of control

posted 2 years ago in Engagement
Post # 3
5757 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018


Post # 5
5163 posts
Bee Keeper

Actually her behavior suggests that she does not consider herself to be beautiful or a 10. She sounds very insecure. You are right to be concerned that she may harm herself, but theres only so much you can do. I would encourage her to go to a different therapist which might be helpful.

Post # 6
3368 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I really hate when armchair psychologists “diagnose” people with personality disorder left right and centre on here, but she genuinely seems to be exhibiting a lot of behaviours associated with borderline personality disorder.

I agree with PP that she really needs to be in therapy and there is likely little you can do to solve her problems. You say that you don’t know how to tell her that she needs help, but you genuniely just need to sit her down and say it as nicely as possible. Its going to suck, but this is the best way you can help her. She probably won’t like it, but she needs to hear it. 

Post # 7
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

This may be crazy, but everything you describe sounds like classic Borderline Personality Disorder. All the symptoms seem to fit. I’m not a psychiatrist – just putting it out there. 

Post # 8
2659 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

View original reply
nagatzuna :  I’m convinced you are writing about a girl I once considered a friend. Too many times she flaked on me, too many times she refused to talk about anything other than herself, often expressed that all her friends weren’t real, BAD relationships, lots of suicidal ideation posts on SM and texts. Eventually, I got so emotionally exhausted with it that I cut ties. I know she saw it as another abandonment from a friend despite me trying to explain why I needed to step away from our relationship. 

Anyways… Set boundaries! Don’t let her guilt you or manipulate you. Be very direct in every communication and how you are feeling 

Post # 9
3154 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

Are you sure that she was completely different in high school? Or has she always been like this?

It sounds to me like there is a lot more going on there than basic anxiety or depression. From what you described it sounds like she is desperate for attention, any attention, from anyone and that any moment when she is not the center of someones attention is agony for her. I’m not a shrink,  and I know  this isn’t something to throw around casually, but this sounds very much like a personality disorder to me.

People with anxiety or depression can be needy and they can have a very hard time pushing through happy events in others’ lives when they’re so miserable themselves, but they are still fully capable of seeing themselves and the world around them through other peoples’ perspectives, often to a fault. Your friend, however, seems incapable and/or unwilling to consider any perspective in which she is not the central subject. Everything is about her all the time and she can’t and won’t acknowledge that other peoples’ lives not only don’t revolve around her but don’t have to revolve around her.

I don’t know what advice to give, because you’re already well aware of the fact that she needs more help than you can give. Only thing I can think of is maybe you talk to a professional yourself about what you’re seeing in your friend and ask them to provide you with some resources you can use to help guide your friend in the right direction.

Post # 10
477 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
somathemagical :  Agreed! I knew a girl like this as well and, as much as I tried to be there for her during her times of need, it was too emotionally draining. She had been to doctors and had been put on medication that helped make her feel better but had to go off of it when she got pregnant and just decided to never go back on it. For no other reason than that she didn’t want to. Then, like you, when I became happy with someone who treated me well, he was the problem and it was all his fault and I just couldn’t do it anymore. I respectfully told her that I loved her and appreciated her opinion but that she needed to keep her feelings about my SO, who she didn’t know that well, and my relationship to herself. 

She never spoke to me again and I’m honestly so much happier. 

People like your friend always bring drama with them everywhere and make the people around them miserable. No matter how much you try to help, they won’t take it because they don’t want to. They don’t want to be helped at all. They like how they are. As heartless as it sounds, you have to do you and if it means letting her go and cutting out all that toxicity, you might have to.

Life is too short to waste your time trying to save other people, especially people who don’t want to be saved. 

Post # 11
2131 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: City, State

You cannot help her.  She has to decide to help herself.  This is a friendship that I would back away from until she’s in a better place and can value you as you deserve.  You wouldn’t tolerate this treatment in a romantic relationship, why would you in a friendship?  

Encourage her to go to counseling, and see if she improves.  If she doesn’t go or doesn’t improve, it’s okay to let go of the friendship if it’s no longer bringing joy to your life. 

Post # 12
2861 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

She needs professional help. Only she can decide to get the help she needs. It will take a lot of work on her part—it’s nothing you can do for her. I think you need to back up from this relationship. Set boundaries. I wouldn’t be chasing her around trying to find her when she leaves her phone at home. If you are concerned about her safety—call 911. 

Post # 13
6168 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

I would have a serious conversation with her family about having her commited to psychiatric facility for a mental health assessment. Share your concerns with them and make sure they understand the seriousness of it. She needs help asap.

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