- 2 years ago
I need some advice.
My best freindm whom i have been friends with since highschool and who i would have described as a strong, intelligent and easygoing person to be around. However, now that description has most certainly changed.
Lets start with the jelousy.
She is ridicolously jelous over my relationship with my fiance. And the jelousy is not only directed at me, other relationships as well, with family and other friends and whatnot. If she suggest a day to meet up and hang out. If, for any reason, one i snot able to, she immediadly feels abandoned. And nevermind that you suggest another day or time – she feels rejected stright away and expresses how meaningless life is, that she does not have any friends that will be there for her they way she is for them. Nevermind that we have been here for her even though she has treated us like garbage at times – ignorng our calls, at one point even blocked our numbers. But the fact that she stayed up late the night before to be with a guy so she cancells the day after, that does not matter no – it is always us who are unavaliable and bad friends. Her jelousy have led her to express her disdain for my partner to me on multiple ocasion – not that he has said a bad word to her – in fact she repeatedly tells me that he is such a nice guy that treats me well. Only to then flip when i have plans with him one weekend to tell me how much she dislikes him – so much he has refused to hang out us 3 to get to know eachother. I have taken it in my stride, they dont need to be friends. They dont need to like eachother. I dont need to mention him ever if we meet up and talk. But that is not enough no , I just had my engagement party. I was informed from another friend whom accompanied her that apaprently she had taken mild anti anxiety before because she cannot stand to she him inlove with me when she is struggling in her love life. My goddamned friend feels so much anxiety at the sight of me being happy that she needs to calm down. I am terrified of what she will do at the wedding. at the same time she have axpressed so many times how much she wants to be my bridesmaid.
Let me tell you about her paranioa.
She is paraniod over the fact that she will be abondoned. And lets look at her last relationships. She is attrached to douches – the warning signes are *EVERYWHERE*, I mean they treat her bad, lie, gaslight emotianlly abuse and cheat. ITs the same damned type all the time, and noone of them are suave about it, it took me 1 minute after learning the alst ones name to find out that he is in a relationship on facebook and clearly ahd blocket her so she could not find his profile. Does she still meet him? oh yes? Has he continued to cheat and lie? oh of course. why? Because “he is the nicest guy, just perfect”. He always is, until a moment of anger then she sees him for what he is. Then goes crawling back.
We covered the jelousy and paranioa. Let me mention her warped selfimage.
This is closely conected to her sick romatic relationships. When you discuss them with her she immediatly says stuff like “She does not need anyone”,”She wants to be single and focus on her job” Then, in a moment of despair when shes been hurt by the asshole she is seeong she will say how much she want someone to love her and wants to be in a relationship. Followed by “Why am I not good enough for him”, “Why does he not love me” all while she is a bit in love with her self and i kid you not have to stare at herself at every surface that has any reflection – she has said on many occation that she thinks she is a solid 10 and that she is so beautiful. All while she got a boobjob (which she told no one of until the day after she told me she was recovering for it – like wtf) And she admitted she did this for her Ex – apparently he liked one to many pictures of women with big boobs on instagram so she thought that was what was keeping him from comitting to her.
And now – the suicidal thoughts.
This is the truly worrying part.
She has threathened to kill herself with her Ex. She has on multiple occation expressed how she feels life is empty, she is just existing, everything is pointless and that she cannot carry on. She mostly says this during the weekend – especially if any of us have plans with family/other firends/partners/whatever.
About a year ago specifik she blocked our numbers, ignored our messages and started leaving her phone at home just so we could not get ahold of her, and finally we had a mini intervention, went to her job where she apparently had bailed early. so we went to her home and demanded she talked to us. She called us bad friends and said she wished he had a bigger firend group. Anyways she finished it off being extremly specifik like “everything is going to be okay after saturday”. When pushed she did not say what she meant. So i contacted her family – said i was scared she was going to hurt herself, they thanked me and then that was that, they had some family quality time and she unblocked our numbers atleast.
We are tired. I certainly am. We cannot drop everything for her when she wants it. She needs help, i cannot force her to get it, unless i call the police on her which i am – hoenstly- A bit tempted to do. Because a couple of days ago apparently she contacted a old classmate – whom she has not been in contact with before or even back in school – to tell him how much she was tired of her life. He was close to calling the cops on her but eventually reached out to one of her best friend who reached out to me. We are at a loss. We dont know how to tell her that she needs some goddamed help. We are tired, we are scared of her reaction – i mean its ridicolous that we are scared to tell her we have plans with our family, partners or whatever because she gets so goddamned depressed about it. I mean I have invited her along but since she doesnt like my boyfriend she refuses.
Anyone has any adive on how to help us help her? what should we do?