- 5 years ago
One of my best friends is single and is very sensitive about being single. I’m having a very small wedding and am only having siblings in the bridal party which this friend was upset about not being a bridesmaid. But I think she accepted that. From the beginning of the wedding planning process she has told me that she must be able to bring a plus one. And how much she hates being single and going to weddings solo. I completely understand that. And told her that she will get a plus one even though literally NO other single friend at our wedding will get a plus one. Even my single younger brother isn’t getting a plus one (which honestly he couldnt care less about that). But I repeatedly told this friend we are making an exception to our “no strangers” policy and letting her bring a guest to our small, intimate wedding…. Under 75 person wedding.
Because we aren’t giving a lot of plus ones, mostly because a good majority of our friends are married, we didn’t address the envelopes “name and guest”. Each invited person was invited by name. The only non married people who are bringing guests are significant others who we’ve met several times and know. And we therefore addressed the envelopes by name to those people.
For the single friend’s getting plus ones, we decided to address the envelope to the invitee and verbally tell them they can bring a guest. We are doing this for 2 people: a friend who is singing in our wedding (so giving him a plus one) and this friend. Those are the only 2 single people getting a plus one. We have been stringent about the no stranger rule otherwise because Future In-Laws wanted to invite a bunch of their friends and we were able to nip that in the bud by setting a no stranger rule. Therefore, single friend’s guest would be the only exception to that rule. When we discussed this months ago, she said if that’s the case then she’d bring a mutual friend who I know like a girlfriend of hers or a guy friend who I have at least met once.
So, our invitations just went out. The following day, I get an email I wasn’t supposed to get. It was on an email chain about my bachelorette party next weekend. One of my best friends had to back out due to money issues. My single friend replied all “Do what you need to do. I’m considering skipping the wedding.” She sent this to me and two of my best friends.
I was so taken aback that I literally thought she was saying that sarcastically to the other friend because that other friend was dropping out of the bachelorette at the last minute.
I text my single friend and asked if she was being sarcastic. She didn’t respond until the next morning and said, no, she wasn’t being sarcastic and that she was very hurt and didn’t want to talk about it over text. I call her. She ignores my call and then texts me about how hurt she is that she didn’t get a plus one and how now she doesn’t know if she wants to come to the wedding. I tell her of course she has a plus one, that I told her that verbally several times and that if she needed to confirm she should have asked me directly instead of accidentally cc’ing me on an email telling two of my other best friends that she was thinking about skipping the wedding. Those friends had no context about what was going on. I tell her she really should have spoken with me before sending that email. Her excuse was that she was drunk and upset. And that she thought she was going to be the only single person at our wedding. I say no, that’s not the case and then rattled off the names of 10 single guests of whom she is the ONLY one getting a plus one.
I say that she should apologize. And she responds “Are you kidding?” I finally get her on the phone since I can’t believe we were having this conversation over text. We talk. I tell her I’m sorry the envelope didn’t say “and guest” as I thought my saying verbally several times that she could bring a guest was enough. She finally apologizes but she says “I’m sorry, but sometimes friends talk shit about their friends behind their back and you can’t be mad about that.”
I’m stunned. I don’t know what to even say to her. At the end of the conversation she says she’s not even sure if wants to bring a plus one now or just go solo.
I’m at a serious loss here.