(Closed) Best friend plus one drama…am I in the wrong?

posted 4 years ago in Guests
Post # 2
Member
10516 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I don’t really understand your logic of not putting “and guest” on the invites and I see how your friend would be confused by that and probably thought you changed your mind.

But she handled it in a really shitty way. At this point, you’ve said your piece and I wouldn’t try to keep addressing it. If she comes, great. If she doesn’t, well no one needs this kind of drama in thier life anyway.

Post # 3
Member
1603 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

You dont need “freinds” who talk shit about you behind your back.  Maybe she doesn’t like going to weddings, but she should have declined.  I would consider her a former friend. 

Post # 4
Member
47439 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You did err by not indicating a guest was included on ther invitation. She obviously assumed you had changed your mind.

But, she sounds like a high maintenance friend.

Do nothing.

Post # 6
Member
1603 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Actually, if we is “Ms Etiquette” she would have given you the name of her guest, so he could be sent an invite. 

Post # 8
Member
4322 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I am so confused why you couldn’t just write “and guest ” on two envelopes. Or tell her what was going on. Why is it her job to clarify your invitation? 

Post # 9
Member
2762 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

So I can see both sides here: you told her one thing verbally and then you did another thing “formally”. In her shoes I’d also be weirded out and hurt because what counts is what’s in writing (wills, medical proxies, deeds, marriage certificates, divorce decrees, settlements, contracts, etc.) Imagine if your grandmother told you for months leading to her death that all of her jewelry was yours. Then she wills it to your aunt. Obviously you don’t go up to your aunt and say ‘hey grandma TOLD me that it would be mine.’ And even if your grandma spoke to your aunt about leaving it to her but really intending to give it to you…the will says its hers. She may or may not honor a verbal agreement. You did NOT honor your verbal agreement by backing it up in writing, so to speak. Also, it is considered incredibly rude to call up any bride and ask her if she perhaps made a mistake on her invitations? Or to RSVP for two when your invitation is clearly addressed to one person. So yeah, she had some choice words in her head and to your group of friends about false expectations and perhaps not even going to the wedding. 

And yes, on your side, she handled it badly. Once she felt betrayed and hurt she went cray cray. 

If she’s your best friend though I’d apologize again and tell her that I understood WHY she was so upset since I could see how she thought I’d backed out of our deal (something that she repeatedly mentioned was super important to her). I rubbed salt in her ‘singlehood’ wound knowing it’s a big wound. Then I’d see what happened. You know her best so perhaps her hot temper makes her say things in the moment that she later regrets. Or perhaps she’s gone off the deep end and will need time to claw herself back up into the real world. I don’t know. But I do know that apologies are needed all around here to heal the rift. It’d be awesome if she apologized and owned up to her mistakes as well, but who knows. 

Post # 10
Member
4226 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

Technically you should have put ‘and guest’….but the way she handled this was WAY out of line!

PS: I hate to admit this, but I personally am not above being passive agressive sometimes (one of my ugly traits). Her CC-ing you on that email was no accident! That is ‘Catty 101’!

Post # 11
Member
1008 posts
Bumble bee

I have to agreed with PPs – there isn’t really a good reason not to put “and guest” on the invite. However, your friend was WAY out of line. She sounds incredibly insecure, which is not your problem. 

Post # 12
Member
4251 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2009

I would let her stay home.  I don’t get not writing on the envelope but you told her verbally.  If it were me, I would have just confirmed with you.  Her reaction is way over the top and being drunk is never an excuse for shi**y behaviour.

Post # 13
Member
1887 posts
Buzzing bee

Ok, fine, you should’ve put “and guest,” but she should’ve reached out to you with a simple, “Hey, I thought I was getting a plus one, what’s up?” Whatever happened to friends giving each other the benefit of the doubt? Instead, she passive-aggressively tried to shame you in front of your friends. She sounds incredibly insecure and high-maintenance. I’ve never heard of someone needing a plus-one at a bachelorette party.

I would just let her decide to do whatever she wants to do at this point. My stance was that I wasn’t going to beg anyone to come to my wedding; they either wanted to come or not. If they were trying to make me grovel for their appearance, they weren’t being a good friend/family member anyway.

Post # 14
Member
3436 posts
Sugar bee

You should have just written “and guest.” However, she seems beyond high maintenance. 

Post # 15
Member
421 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Well I disagree with the previous posters, I don’t see the big deal about not putting “and guest” on the envelope.  You told her several times she could bring one.  If she had any question about that she could have just said “hey just want to make sure it’s still ok…”  She doesn’t want to come, fine, don’t come.  She needs to stop being dramatic though like this is all about her.

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