Post # 1
When I first got engaged, one of my best friends (a guy who has been my best friend for about 10 years) asked if he could be a bridesmaid. Because we had always said that we would be each other’s bridesmaid/best man, I obviously said yes.
Anyway, he seemed excited to be a bridesmaid up until about 4 months before the wedding. Then he just completely stopped talking to me at all (not for lack of effort on my part, though). After a few months of not hearing from him at all, I sent him a few messages asking if he was even coming to the wedding (let alone still being a bridesmaid), still didn’t hear a word from him.
The wedding came and went without even a well-wish from him; I would have been thrilled with just a text saying “Sorry, I can’t make it.”
A week after the wedding, he has been contacting me every other day – with a text, or tagging me in something on facebook, just like he used to six months ago, but he hasn’t said a word about the wedding. No congratulations, no apology for not coming, didn’t like or comment on a single wedding photo, etc.
Now, I don’t expect anyone else to super excited about my wedding, but from a guy that has been my best friend for so many years, and we’ve shared so much, for him to act as if this important event in my life didn’t even happen is so frustrating! When he contacts me now, I can’t help but feel frustrated.
Post # 3
@LadyElva: Yikes! What have you been doing when he texts? Have you been answering? If yes, have you been engaged in the conversation, or have you been standoffish, giving unenthusiastic answers?
I had a friend (not a best friend) who was coming to the wedding. He is the one I bounced ideas and excitement off of (other than my now-husband) leading up to it. I talked to him two days before the wedding, asking a question about his girlfriend’s drink preference. He answered. I provided. He didn’t show. He didn’t text or email or leave me a note on Facebook. He just didn’t show. That night, I was at the hotel with my husband and I was changing my Facebook stuff (last name, that I was now married, yay!) and he gave my marital status change a thumbs up. He blew off my wedding — a wedding where he knew he was one of only 20 people, meaning that in our very small ensemble, I wanted him and his girlfriend to be there — and gave it a thumbs up on Facebook.
Like you, I had no expectations of anyone being super excited about that day the way we were. But he was there with me through all of the planning and nerves and laments and then he blew me off. It hurt. And then the thumbs up just felt like salt.
Post # 4
Wow! That so sad, I am sorry you’re going through that! I would confront the issue.. He could be very selfish or was upset about something he didn’t talk to you about personally. Face to face I would just ask “what was your problem, why would you stand me up like that?” Easier said than done, I know.. confrontation is a pain, but by the sounds of it, he would blow you off via technology/social media. He sounds like a real tool.
Post # 5
Do you think that maybe this goes deeper than the surface? Sort of a ‘friend zone’ kind of thing? Maybe you actually getting married hit him really hard?
Post # 6
@Miss Jackrabbit: This was my thought as well. Maybe he realized that he had started having romantic feelings for you and didn’t know how to handle it? That might explain the sudden disappearance and reappearance.
Post # 7
@ellisrobertson: I’ll usually respond the same way I would have six months ago. I’m not very good at giving people the cold shoulder! He lives across the state, too, so I’m probably not going to be speaking to him in person any time soon – I may just send him a message some time in the future, though, and see if he’s likely to respond.
@Miss Jackrabbit: It would almost be easy to understand if that were possible! But he’s gay, and even before he came out, he had no interest in me as anything more than a friend.
Sigh. It really sucks – I would just love to hear from him saying he’s sorry he couldn’t make it, or even liking a photo on facebook. At least then he would have actually acknowledged that it happened!
Post # 8
Why don’t you call him, schedule a time to go see him and ask what happened? “You know, I was pretty hurt when I didn’t hear from you for four months and you skipped my wedding. Is everything ok?”
Don’t bother with texting and facebook. The issue you’re having isn’t really appropriate for casual communication.
Post # 9
@LadyElva: Then you need to talk to him. Straight out. It’s not fair for him to do this to you, and it’s not fair for him to bail on you like that. You need to call him out on it and demand an answer. It is absolutely unacceptable as a friend to put someone you supposedly care about in this position and make them feel that way! So he definitely needs to apologise.
This isn’t about you being a bride and wanting all the attention. This is about your friend bailing on you and refusing to give you an answer.
Post # 10
@Mrs.LemonDrop: Oooh +1! Ask him if everything is okay first. Something MIGHT be going on with him, so play the friend card first. If he doesn’t open up, THEN get annoyed. And I also agree about doing it in person. Too many things get mixed up via text/fb.
Post # 11
@Mrs.LemonDrop: I know. I really would love to see him face-to-face, but he lives on the other side of the state and recently moved house (he’s yet to tell me where he’s living now).
I know things have been rough for him lately – he broke up with his boyfriend last year, and he’s had other issues in his past that can affect his mood and interactions with others. I guess what frustrates me the most, though, is the fact that he didn’t speak to me for months (I honestly thought he was dead for a while), and now he’s talking again as if everything is normal. No apology, no acknowledgement of the fact I got married. Haha, not even an acknowledgement when I thought he was dead….