(Closed) "Best Friend" wants me to be the guest book attendant….What?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
670 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

She probably feels bad for not having you in the wedding so i wouldn’t make her feel worse. What is wrong with being guest book attendant, where I am from its an honor. You sit at the guest book and get people to sign it, help people find their seats according to seating chart and watch the cardbox.

Post # 18
Member
1149 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

@FutureMrsM87:  She definitely shouldn’t have made mention of you being a bridesmaid if she wasn’t certain or before officially asking you, I’m guessing she was caught up in the excitement without properly thinking through the logistics.

That said,  I also don’t like it when people are annoyed/offended by their role or lack there of in someones wedding. No one should expect a role no matter how close they are to the couple, its the Bride and Grooms decision and people should respect that. My best friend just asked me to be Maid/Matron of Honor in her wedding but until she specifically asked me, I had no expectation whatsoever and would not have been offended if she decided otherwise.

Enjoy being a part of their wedding, whether that’s in a big or small way.

Post # 19
Member
5658 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Ouch… I probably wouldn’t even want to go after all that.  

Post # 20
Member
2966 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

i feel like the job of guest book attendant is meant for a child and/or for the someone who wants/needs a role in the wedding and all the other “good” roles are taken. i don’t blame you for being hurt or insulted.

but i wouldn’t try to force her or talk her into making you a bridesmaid. if she DID change her mind and decide to make you a bridesmaid, would you accept, be happy with your role, be happy for her and leave all the drama behind? or would you still hold it against her that you weren’t part of the original lineup? it could make things awkward for the two of you throughout the planning process if either of you is still upset.

Post # 21
Member
230 posts
Helper bee

Eh, who really wants to be a bridesmaid anyway? Think of all the money and drama you’re saving.

It sounds like you two aren’t on the same page on the best friend issue, so you might want to let that drop. Relationships change and adapt over time – there’s no use fighting it if a friend just isn’t that into you anymore, if that’s what’s going on.

SHe may be a little put off by Destination Wedding – it’s one of the risks you run when you have an event that will be very difficult for your friends and family to attend. That’s the risk. Good friends will probably get over it.

Life’s too short to nurse grudges. Either agree or don’t, but I’d leave her alone about it then.

Post # 22
Member
6014 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

You have no idea the ins and outs of her wedding. Either do it or don’t.  At least you don’t have to drop the money on a dress you’ll never wear again. 

Post # 23
Member
645 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

People change and just because you still consider her a “best friend” doesn’t mean she feels the same way which is probably why she avoided the topic because she didn’t want to hurt you. It seems to be that she cares enough about you to want to include you but probably feels closer to the other people she chose – obviously that doesn’t mean you don’t have a right to be hurt but you need to decide how you want to handle that.

Post # 24
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I may be in the minority, but I always feel like I’ve dodged a bullet when I don’t have to be a bridesmaid, LOL. Much much much prefer being a guest! 

Post # 25
Member
3679 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

“You sit at the guest book and get people to sign it, help people find their seats according to seating chart and watch the cardbox.”

That sounds terrible. What a great “honor.”

Post # 26
Member
1938 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Honestly, when I think guest book attendant I think “where can I stick someone who assumes they are in the wedding, but I don’t want them there?” 

I think I would be insulted as well…. 

Post # 27
Member
670 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’ve been the cardbox/sign in person many a time, not sure why people consider it horrible. I don’t find greeting people and being responsible for the cardbox and making sure it doesn’t get stolen a bad job. Plus its like an hour of your life.

Post # 28
Member
1037 posts
Bumble bee

I’d draw penises in the guestbook… but that’s me. 😉

Post # 29
Member
360 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I wouldn’t have confronted her like that. I would’ve just straight up asked, or more like call attention, to the fact that she changed plans and didn’t have the guts to talk to you about it like an adult.  I see why you are hurt, but seriously….YOU DODGED A BULLET. See it as a blessing in disguise that now you don’t have to pay a bunch of money to be in her wedding when she doesn’t value your friendship enough to just tell you up front that she picked other bridesmaids.

If it were me, I would decline the guestbook job and say “hey, I think I just want to enjoy the wedding and reception. You would be better off finding someone else.”

Leave it at that.

Post # 30
Member
3066 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
@FutureMrsM87:  She could at least answers your questions. I HATE when people do that and ignore them. She could have at least explained that she did want you as a bridesmaid, but unfortunately bla bla bla. I think it would have come off a lot better if she gave you an actual reason.

Sad truth is that I guess she doesn’t think you are *as* close as you use to be. I would let her know it is OK that she cant have you as a bridesmaid and you don’t want to add any pressure to her day because her friendship means a lot. However, you really hope she can give you some insight about what changed since your last visit.

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