Post # 1
I’m having difficulty deciding if I should invite my best friend (which would probably have to include her annoying boyfriend) to the wedding or just keep it immediate family. We are planning on having around 15 people at this point. My FH and I knew even before getting engaged we wanted our wedding to be very small and intimate just because it wasn’t important to either of us to spend too much money on a single day nor would we want to be the center of attention of crowds of people we hardly know. So initially we decided to have 25 or 30 people, a mix of close family and friends, but it slowly dropped down to just wanting to have immediate family there. So then brings me to the question at hand… I’d love to have my best friend there, as she lives close by (there’s some other very close friends I’d love to have there too but wouldn’t bother them to come since it will be so small and they live abroad or across the country) but I’d feel obligated to have to include her live in boyfriend as well. I know she is so excited to come to the wedding and has brought it up a ton, and even mentioned how excited she is to bring along her boyfriend, and everytime she’s said that, in the back of my mind I’m thinking “how do I tell her I really don’t want him there??” He is not a very supportive boyfriend, doesn’t really treat her like he should, and they have been dating over a year and I’ve only met him once because he’s always out with his friends. Plus it would just be awkward having him there since he’d be the only one who nobody knows!
So my question is — is it wrong to tell her I really want to have her, but really don’t feel comfortable with him there as my FH and I hardly know him? So basically say she’s invited without a plus one, but I completely understand if she doesn’t want to come without him?
Or should I just invite both of them and stick him far away at the end of the table? —That option would also irritate me since there’s obviously tons of people I’d rather have there over him.
Or should I tell her we decided to keep it to family only? Which I’d feel bad about, too since I’ve already told her of course she’s invited, etc.
I’d gladly accept any advice I can get on this as I’m really fretting what to tell her! My FH said he really doesn’t mind either way, but he’s not a fan of her boyfriend either.
Post # 2
When people are in a relationship, they should be invited together. Unfortunately the bf is part of the deal with inviting your best friend. It’s rude to disregard someone else’s relationship while asking them to celebrate yours.
Post # 3
generally, i’d agree with PP. but you are having a small, pretty much immediately family wedding only of 15. in cases like this i think it’s ok to break the rules a little bit.
Post # 4
Invite the boyfriend. You won’t talk to him much anyway.
Post # 5
Sorry, but you’re going to need to suck it up here. Having a small wedding really isn’t an excuse, they’re a package deal. The only generally acceptable situation for excluding someone’s live-in SO, fiance(e), or spouse is if said person is a convicted sex offender or something equally bad.
Post # 6
Invite the BF. Also, please seat them together.
Post # 7
You kind of have to invite him. If he was a terrible person (as in, violent or a sex offender or something), then I think you would be justified in excluding him. But if he is just annoying and doesn’t know anyone, that is not really a good enough reason. Invite them both and she can worry about introducing him to people or whatnot. It really isn’t very awkward for a group of adults to meet a new person anyway.
Post # 8
Either invite both or invite neither.
Post # 9
Etiquette says you pretty much have to invite him when they live together. Is he annoying in person or is it just because of what your friend says about him? You said youve only met him once so maybe you would like him if you met him again. Friends often only tell you the worst things about their partners so you dont always get a balanced picture, maybe hes not so bad? I would just invite him, you will be so busy anyway that you probably wont even talk to him and it would mean alot to your friend.
Post # 10
One of the things you have to remember is that once you start inviting other people, the wedding stops becoming all about you. You have to make your guests’ comfort a priority. That includes making sure guests are fed, watered, as well as inviting their SOs. So you wouldn’t be inviting the boyfriend for you, you’d be inviting him for your best friend because it would make her happy, comfortable, and she’d probably enjoy herself more. I definitely get not wanting to have a person you hardly know and like at your intimate wedding, it is a crappy situation. But I think you should invite him for your best friend. Just stick him at the end of the table. You don’t even have to talk to him much, just say thank you for coming.
Post # 11
You’re going to be in a really bad spot if you don’t invite her – my oldest friend (friends since kindergarten) did not invite me to her wedding, and that actually terminated our friendship (we have since become friends again, but it took a couple of years, and it is nothing like it was before). You most definitely have to invite her if you want to stay friends.
And sorry to say, if you want to keep your friendship – you should also invite her BF too. They live together and are a social unit, and depending on the type of person she is, she may take your disrespecting her relationship to heart. You could potentially tell her it is really an intimate wedding that is family only, but you want to have her there and being such an exception, you really can ONLY have her there? I just don’t see that necessarily ending well either :/. Good luck!
Post # 12
I’m going to go against the norm here..you’re having a TINY wedding..clearly you want to be celebrating only with your nearest and dearest. I would let her know because it’s such a small, intimate wedding you’re only having your immediate family, and you consider her family and would llove for her to be there, but unfortunately you’re unable to extend the invite to her bf as you want to keep it to only people you intimately know.
I had friends have a small wedding in Vermont where they physically could only fit 50 people. They had a lot of close, long-term friends that they invited but they didn’t extend the invite to their SOs (some were even married). They just couldn’t justify having someone they have never met taking up the seat of someone who they are close with.
Post # 13
It’s very rude to expect people to celebrate your relationship while disregarding theirs.
Post # 14
I’ve gotten invites to wedding without a plus one, and I was dating now DH then. I wasn’t happy about it, but I understood. These were both weddings with 100+ people, but we weren’t living together at the time, and that rule extended to everyone there.
I think since your wedding is SO small that you can break the rules. I would take her out for drinks one night and tell her that you’d love to have him there, but want to keep it immediate family only. As long as no one else on your list is brining their SO, then I think you’re fine.