(Closed) Best friend wants to invite people to her shower that aren’t invited to wedding!

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
250 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Politely tell her what you wrote here.  Unless it’s a shower thrown by coworkers/associates who themselves have no expectation of being invited, the guest list should be limited to those invited to the wedding.

Post # 4
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I agree with @philodendron. I really don’t think the shower list should include anyone not on the wedding guest list. I understand the need to keep the guest list to a minimum but unless you’re having a family only, or destination wedding type deal, I can’t imagine any justifiable reason to invite people to the shower that weren’t invited to the wedding. I just can’t imagine.

Unfortunately, for you, the call is up to her and all you can do is give your input and tell her how you would feel. If she still wants those people invited to the shower than I would recommend you get creative with your invitation wording. As you said, the bride wants these people at the wedding, but can’t afford them and still wants them to be included (again…I feel you’re either invited to all or no wedding events unless you are the best friend for family) so make the invite wording reflect that. Something that mentions a family only (I’m assuming it’s not…is it?) wedding and a shower for friends or something. I don’t know. But, if she really presses you to invite them, it’s kinda up to you to make them feel like they’re still A-listers. Good luck.

Post # 5
Member
250 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I think you can go a step beyond @ackerman’s suggestions and kindly but firmly say, “As the hostess of this shower, I do not feel comfortable inviting people who are not invited to the wedding.” You aren’t singling anyone out, and she can’t argue with your feelings.  Do you happen to know if this is her only shower?  Maybe people throwing other showers can deal with this etiquette faux pas…

Post # 7
Member
7606 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I agree with the PPs, you need to tell her you’re not comfortable with that.  Also, lol @ “clapped like the happiest seal in the zoo”!

Post # 8
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I agree with you on this, but people who are not invited to my wedding are coming to my shower.  My sister is throwing it and these people (my mom’s friends etc.) are completely aware that they are not invited to the small destination wedding but still want to come to the shower.  I was uncomfortable with it, but then realized that they would be disappointed if they couldn’t come. 

Post # 9
Member
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Oh I so feel this. One of my friends is doing something similar (she wants to invite people to the reception only…luckily that doesn’t have anything to do with me, lol). Anyways, I agree with PPs. Politely, but firmly, inform her that you aren’t comfortable doing that, you would feel awkward, but don’t do it in a judgmental tone. I don’t think she can really argue or get angry with that.

Post # 11
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

That’s a hard situation!  I like your idea of suggesting they get together for a dinner.  I know I’d be way more comfortable with that than with a bridal shower where 2/3rds of the guests are getting excited about going to a wedding and I’m like, “Uh…I guess I’m just here to drop off a gift.”

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