Best Friend/Bridesmaid Dilemma…

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
1560 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

If your relationship is as close as you’re saying, can you talk to her about this? 

Post # 3
Member
47209 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

lumosmaxima :  The choice of wedding party cannot be determined by who someone else asked. If it were thus, the same people would be in every wedding. Everyone has hard choices to make. Does she have more close realtives? Does she feel pressure from her family? Ishe she liiting the bridal party due to budgetary concerns? Or, the size of the venue? All of these can be factors in her choice.

If you want her to be a bridesmaid, ask her. Don’t let tit for tat pettiness get in the way of your friendship.

I think it would be inappropriate to ask her why you weren’t chosen or even to tell her your feelings are hurt. What outcome would you expect? Guilt her into adding you? This is just one of the many occasions in life when we are entitled to our feelings, but don’t need to either share or act on them.

Post # 4
Member
499 posts
Helper bee

Hi fellow Potterhead <3

I think you really should bring it up to her. Maybe it’s a misunderstanding, or maybe it’s as simple as she has so many female relatives that are being pushed to be in the bridal party that she can’t add you. I would just simply try to talk to her; you don’t want something like this to ruin your friendship of 10+ years.

Post # 5
Member
1225 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Do you know if she’s even having a bridal party? Or even a very small one (like, for example, just her sister if she has one, something like that?) My high school best friend chose to just have her sister as a bridesmaid, and I totally understood that. It didn’t have any bearing on me asking her to be one of my bridesmaids a few years later. 

I wouldn’t be too hurt unless she has something like 10 bridesmaids and chose to exclude you. That’s a whole different scenario. 

Post # 6
Member
2064 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

lumosmaxima :  just because you want her as your bridesmaid, doesn’t mean she has to have you have as a bridesmaid. It certainly isn’t a reason to consider not having her in your wedding party, unless you want to end the friendship entirely.

Is she having a wedding party? Does she have relatives she feels she needs to ask? 

Post # 7
Member
209 posts
Helper bee

Do you know that she has asked other people and not you? She may just have not yet done her asking, or she may not be having a bridal party at all. I have twice essentially been a maid of honor, and I wasn’t officially asked either time. In both cases, the brides asked me to do specific things like host the bridal shower or bachelorette, to wear a dress in a certain color scheme, to do the toast, etc. and they asked relatively close to the time that the thing needed to be done.

Post # 9
Member
1225 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

lumosmaxima :  Hm, I understand why you’d be upset then with that many people in the party. When is her wedding? Is it possible that she assumed that you’d be too busy with your own wedding to be able to focus on being a bridesmaid in hers? That’d still be a really crummy thing for her to do, but it’s possible she’s wanting to assign a lot of “bridesmaid tasks” and thinking that it would be too much for you to do. So that might be a way to reframe it that she was in some sort of way trying not to be a burden on you. 

I’d still totally disagree with that though. I had a bridesmaid get married 4 months before and one get married 1 month after, and I didn’t worry about it at all. I didn’t expect them to do much more other than show up to the wedding in the dress I bought them (wanted to ease the financial burden). 

Post # 11
Member
1477 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2021 - Kauai, HI

lumosmaxima :  this happened to me too.  I had a long time hs/college friend that was in my wedding not ask me to be I hers. It hurt my feelings a lot at the time. I never said anything.  I hope it was becasue id just had a baby when she got married but maybe we just weren’t as close anymore as I thought. 

Dont cut her now.  It’s a chance to enrich a friendship that you clearly value. 

Post # 12
Member
1477 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2021 - Kauai, HI

Wait you’re in med school?  Maybe that’s why she didn’t ask you!  Med student don’t usually have extra time and money to be in weddings.

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