- 4 years ago
- Wedding: October 2015
Since my sister died about 14 years ago, my best friend has known that if I was ever going to marry, I would give the title of Maid/Matron of Honor to my sister in spirit. This has been a known fact to her, and to the other girls who are going to be bridesmaids.
That said, everything in terms of my wedding party had been running pretty smoothly. I asked the girls not to fuss over me, or plan parties, or do anything of that nature-because I really didn’t want them to bother and I was really ok with that. However, she insisted on doing things like planning a shower, bachelorette, she is also a Graphic Designer and had insisted on making our wedding website and very fancy custom invitations-all of which I was super appreciative of, but had said on multiple occassions wasn’t necessary.
So, all is fine until I send Best friend a picture of my deceased sister for the website and a blurb about her (I had done this for all of the bridesmaids-basically who they are, and some funny memories of us) and with my sister’s picture, I had put “MOH-loved and missed every day and will be there in spirit”
I called my best friend just to chat, and she completely flipped out. She cried, and ranted saying that having my dead sister be Maid/Matron of Honor would be confusing for the guests, and confusing to the bridal party because now no one knows what they are supposed to do. She said it was unfair that she had the same title as the other girls some of whom I have not known as long. She went on to say she didn’t understand now why she had always been there for me and that more than likely she wouldn’t have attended some things (like a Bridal Expo we went to) because she had done so more out of obligation. She pointed out that I had been her Maid/Matron of Honor.
I have been struggling with what to do, or not do. This girl has been my best friend for over 20 years. I was completely shocked that she said all of that. She basically just told me she resented having been there for me, and doing anything at all with the wedding if she had known she was the same “rank” as the other girls. On one hand, I could see her being a hurt and dissapointed, but IMO-this was not something she should have burdened me with. It’s not like I chose my sister to hurt her, and it’s not like I even chose one of my other bridesmaids to be MOH! I found it disrespectful and inappropriate for her to question my decision of having only bridesmaids. Had I decided to have a living Maid/Matron of Honor, it would not have been such an easy decision regardless. One bridesmaid is my cousin-and I was also her Maid/Matron of Honor, another bridesmaid is another best friend for 16 years and I was her Maid/Matron of Honor as well. I felt that she struck below the belt commenting about she doesn’t know why she has been there for me and by telling me she has only been doing some of these things bc she felt she had to. I never asked her to do anything for the wedding!!
I was already struggling with wanting to have a “wedding” as it is. My parents are against it, and likely will not be attending and this wedding is going to be costing Fiance more money then we have. I want to just run off and elope-but both Fiance and I have done that before with our previous marriages and wanted to do it “right” this time. I feel like she has even more so ruined any happiness or excitement I had for the wedding, and now what am I supposed to do? Just carry on as if nothing happened? I haven’t heard or talked to her since this happened a couple days ago and I’m honestly not sure what I would even say. I just want to cancel the whole damn thing-and not just because of this-the whole thing is turning into almost nothing but stress and unhappiness for me.