(Closed) Best friend's a pushover and has no backbone anymore and it makes me sad.

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
478 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Omgbunnies:  wow.  I am so sorry you have to sit back and watch that.  My good friend did a similar thing and is now divorced.  It took her over 2 years but she left him (yes!) and is in process of a divorce right now.  For her it started with him becoming controlling with all of her friends she is or is not able to hang out with and where she goes, then he became verbally abusive, physically abusive, then sexually abusive.  During this time she went from the most independent woman I ever knew to the perfect example of ‘battered wife syndrome’. It was really sad to see and so frustrating that I tried and tried to help her and couldn’t.  I quickly learned that until she saw the truth and what it was doing to her she would never leave him.  Like I said, after 2 years she finally understood and grew a backbone, left her abusive husband, and filed for divorce.  And I was never happier for her, or more proud.  I know some people are “people pleasers” and other women ‘become’ a mirror image of their significant others, always doing what he wants and losing themselves completely and the rest of us stand back and ask why, knowing there is nothing we can do.

Remember, you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to help them self.

Stay strong and stand by her, even if its the only thing you can do.

Post # 5
Member
11233 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

UGHHHHHH. I’m willing to bet that her fiance is emotionally abusive. I became like this with my abusive ex. I would agree with him just so I didn’t get a lecture on whatever it was, and I started hating myself.

Post # 7
Member
11233 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Omgbunnies:  This poor girl. : I remember being there, and it sucks. I would suggest that you offer her an out (offer her a place to stay/help leaving) BEFORE the wedding, but I don’t know that she’d accept. I was only able to leave because I applied for the GI Bill and got it (he made sure that I had no money), so I started saving that money and made a friend at college who needed a roommate.

Post # 9
Member
11233 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Omgbunnies:  Okay, I was NEVER like that. Maybe the first year or so of our relationship, but as time went on, I became very disillusioned by him but had nowhere to go. I’m sorry for both of you. 🙁

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