Post # 1
One of my best friends of more than 15 years is getting married soon and has invited my sister, who he knows I am having major issues with, to his wedding. She lives overseas but will supposedly be back home for the wedding (we are not in contact at all). The truth is I am shocked that they are in contact and had no idea she would be invited. Obviously it’s his wedding and he can invite whoever he wants but it still feels like a betrayal. He could have at least discussed it with me first to see how I felt.
I don’t want to be confronted with my family issues at his wedding, which I have been looking forward to for many years. She is not a part of his family and doesn’t even live in the country. He could have easily not invited her but chose to do so anyway. This is seriously making me question our friendship. Any advice?
Post # 3
@Old_chick: 🙁 Hugs! Sorry to hear that you don’t have a close relationship with your sister. I don’t know, my gut instincts are that if your best friend is also friends with your sister, then you might just have to put your family differences behind you and all enjoy his wedding day…
Post # 4
I totally understand how you feel, but this wedding is a one time thing, and should be about him and his bride, not your family drama. If he is good friends with your sister, he shouldn’t have to exclude her for you. I do agree it was kind of lame not to at least give you a heads up, but maybe he was afraid of how you would respond.
Post # 5
My only advice would be to suck it up. Your friendship should trump your dislike for his guests. Please do not put your friend in the awkward position of having to choose between the two of you. You may not like the outcome.
Post # 6
I wouldn’t discuss my guests with people and ask for their permission to invite someone. Perhaps you can make a request to not be at the same table.
Post # 7
@Old_chick: Perhaps he has stayed friends with your sister all these years?
In that case, your friend has done exactly the right thing. A question often comes up on this site, “Two of my potential guests hate each other (e.g. divorced parents), what should I do?”. Except in extreme cases (like one is an abuser and the other is their victim), consensus is always the same: Don’t choose sides, invite everyone you want to, and if anyone stays away, it is up to them.
It sounds to me that your friend has done exactly that: refused to take sides and invited you both. Just because he is friends with your sister, does not mean he is not still your friend.
So I guess your choices are to request to be seated well away from your sister, or stay away if your sister attends. I suggest the former. You don’t need to talk to your sister.
Post # 8
@Old_chick: You need to stop looking at this like you’re the victim. There is no victim here, this friend wants people he cares about at his wedding and that happens to include your sister. After 15 years of being close friends with him what would you expect, of course he’s managed to feel close to your family too.
My Moh and I have been good friends for since the first day of grade 9, wellover 10 years ago. In the time of our friendship O’ve come to consider her family as an extension of my own. All of her family is invited to my wedding and I couldn’t imagine getting married without them there.
Post # 9
@Old_chick: Why do you feel like he needs to discuss his guest list with you? Your family issues are yours, not his. If you feel like there is going to be some drama you don’t want to deal with, stay home. He’s obviously built a relationship with both of you and quite honestly, not telling you that was what he was SUPPOSED to do since he knows there’s some tension. Now, you can be a grown up, go enjoy your friend’s wedding and go home or you can decide that you don’t want to see them and stay home. Either is your choice, but don’t for a minute put this on him.
Post # 10
@drummerbride: That’s because your Maid/Matron of Honor gets along with her family. What if she was estranged from a member of her family – would you still invite them to the wedding knowing that she would be uncomfortable with them there?