(Closed) best friend’s wedding and feeling a little snarky about it

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

You’re not wrong to feel a little bummed about this, but your place in line really isn’t an indication of how much she likes you, it was probably just the simplest way to order the girls and time of knowing and height are two common ways to do it.  Sorry you feel this way.  She’s def gonna appreciate you more for this.  I was last in line at a friend’s wedding last year and I did way more help with her wedding than any other girl did, but it didn’t bother me.

Post # 5
Member
79 posts
Worker bee

@miss. eire: That is a really sucky situation and I can totally relate. I have also been in wedding parties where all of the other bridesmaids were completely useless so I know what it is like to pull the weight of the entire party (even the bride in one case).

Without knowing your friend I am going to say that there is something about your friendship with her that means you are the dependable one and that’s why she is asking you to do all of these things. Maybe she asked Sally before realizing how much work the job entailed and how much needed to get done – or maybe she felt like she HAD to ask her. It is a difficult thing to weigh your bridal party options between people you feel like you have to include and people who will actually be helpful to you.

It’s a bit of a tightrope walk between resenting your friend and worrying about her resenting you. I think for your own sanity, only do the tasks that you don’t mind doing with as much graciousness as possible  – remember she is your best friend and you want her wedding to be perfect and positive and memorable. If you feel like she is over stepping in having you do Maid/Matron of Honor jobs then it’s probably alright to say “oh, isn’t that going to be Sally’s job, I think the maid of honour usually does that” or maybe ask if she needs help delegating tasks to the wedding party – this is obvs usually the MOH’s job but it might take some of the strain off of you in terms of getting things done. 

Post # 6
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

If you’re really hurt over this, shouldn’t you tell her? I don’t mean in an accusatory way, but if you can’t let it go, keeping this kind of stuff inside and letting it fester is the kind of thing that ultimately ruins friendships. She probably doesn’t even realize that you feel this way.

Post # 7
Member
1526 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I can totally understand why you are upset.  I would definitely tell her how you feel, but be nice about it. Maybe go out to lunch and just explain why you are feeling hurt.  I know if one of my friends sat me down i would defintiely try to explain why things are the way they are.  Good luck and I hope you figure it out!

Post # 8
Member
658 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I have a friend who got put in this exact situation! She ended up doing more than is usually asked of the Maid/Matron of Honor. Not only that, the Maid/Matron of Honor didn’t even live in the same state and didn’t even help when she was in town. My friend eventually did end up getting acknowledged for all the work she did though! So don’t be discouraged, people notice when you go above and beyond!

If I were the bride in that situation, I’d definitely admit (to just her) that she should have been Maid/Matron of Honor and then mention how grateful I was for everything in a toast.

 

Post # 9
Member
7387 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Your not wrong to feel slighted. And I hate that your doing all the work to. Any updates?

Post # 10
Member
437 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I could understand why you might be a little hurt/annoyed by this, especially since you’re shouldering the Maid/Matron of Honor responsibility.

But let’s look at it in a positive light for a moment…

1. Maybe she trusts you with the details more than the Maid/Matron of Honor. Maybe she’s thinking you won’t screw it up as bad as everyone else might. 😉

2. She’s saving the best for last by putting you near the back of the line, honey! 😀

I hope things get better for you! Just keep smilin’ and enjoy her big day when it gets here.

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