Post # 1
So my best friend and I have known each other for 8 years. We have one of those friendship were we just mesh perfectly. We have never fought and we even lived together in college. She and I are both wedding crazed. She finally got engaged after begging (not an exaggeration) her boyfriend for months and months.
Now, she asked me to go try on bridesmaid dresses yesterday with her. I asked if anyone else was going and she said no. She never flat out asked me to be in her wedding but I think she just kinda assumed I knew since we talk about it a lot. Well while we were out she mentioned how a friend from college who she doesn’t really talk to called her up and was so excited about the wedding (she heard on fb) and wanted to know what the dresses looked like and all the details. My friend didn’t want to be rude and just let her become a bridesmaid because she was scared to tell her the truth. I asked who else was in the party and she named off 8 girls total. Since she never mentioned a maid of honor I asked if she had one…she said yes and that it was her friend – lets call her Sally. Now, sally have my friend have been friends for 15 years or so. However, they do not hangout as much any more and very rarely talk. The other girls in her bridal party she felt like she had to ask. Then I asked how we were walking and she said from the person she knows the longest and out. Therefore putting me at the end, however in front of the girl she didn’t even want involved.
I am feeling a little upset here. I took time away from things I had to do to go try on dresses with her. She asked me to make the cake for her engagement party, she thinks I am going to do the shirts for the bach party and basically be the maid of honor without being it. I know it is silly and selfish of me but I am a little hurt. Just because she has known these people a little longer than me, she puts me at the back of the line. I know this stuff is tricky but still. Shouldn’t her maid of honor be in charge of this stuff. And I know all bridesmaids have their duties but I am in charge of EVERYTHING and I know it is just a title but I am feeling snarky! I mean I am not going to say anything to her and I am just going to keep my feelings to myself, but I feel like she is taking advantage of me and no one else, not even the maid of honor, is doing anything. I am the only one she really talks wedding with and I don’t know.
Am i totally wrong in feeling this way?
Thanks for letting me vent bees!
Post # 3
You’re not wrong to feel a little bummed about this, but your place in line really isn’t an indication of how much she likes you, it was probably just the simplest way to order the girls and time of knowing and height are two common ways to do it. Sorry you feel this way. She’s def gonna appreciate you more for this. I was last in line at a friend’s wedding last year and I did way more help with her wedding than any other girl did, but it didn’t bother me.
Post # 4
It isn’t so much being at the end, it’s the fact that she said she chose to put us in the line that way and who to make her maid of honor based on how long she has known the person, not how close they are or anything like that because she does not want to hurt their feelings. She constantly tells me that I am the only one who gets her and her best friend and how much I mean to her, yet she doesn’t want to hurt other peoples feelings and just kinda blew mine off. I think that is what is hurting.
Post # 5
@miss. eire: That is a really sucky situation and I can totally relate. I have also been in wedding parties where all of the other bridesmaids were completely useless so I know what it is like to pull the weight of the entire party (even the bride in one case).
Without knowing your friend I am going to say that there is something about your friendship with her that means you are the dependable one and that’s why she is asking you to do all of these things. Maybe she asked Sally before realizing how much work the job entailed and how much needed to get done – or maybe she felt like she HAD to ask her. It is a difficult thing to weigh your bridal party options between people you feel like you have to include and people who will actually be helpful to you.
It’s a bit of a tightrope walk between resenting your friend and worrying about her resenting you. I think for your own sanity, only do the tasks that you don’t mind doing with as much graciousness as possible – remember she is your best friend and you want her wedding to be perfect and positive and memorable. If you feel like she is over stepping in having you do Maid/Matron of Honor jobs then it’s probably alright to say “oh, isn’t that going to be Sally’s job, I think the maid of honour usually does that” or maybe ask if she needs help delegating tasks to the wedding party – this is obvs usually the MOH’s job but it might take some of the strain off of you in terms of getting things done.
Post # 6
If you’re really hurt over this, shouldn’t you tell her? I don’t mean in an accusatory way, but if you can’t let it go, keeping this kind of stuff inside and letting it fester is the kind of thing that ultimately ruins friendships. She probably doesn’t even realize that you feel this way.
Post # 7
I can totally understand why you are upset. I would definitely tell her how you feel, but be nice about it. Maybe go out to lunch and just explain why you are feeling hurt. I know if one of my friends sat me down i would defintiely try to explain why things are the way they are. Good luck and I hope you figure it out!
Post # 8
I have a friend who got put in this exact situation! She ended up doing more than is usually asked of the Maid/Matron of Honor. Not only that, the Maid/Matron of Honor didn’t even live in the same state and didn’t even help when she was in town. My friend eventually did end up getting acknowledged for all the work she did though! So don’t be discouraged, people notice when you go above and beyond!
If I were the bride in that situation, I’d definitely admit (to just her) that she should have been Maid/Matron of Honor and then mention how grateful I was for everything in a toast.
Post # 9
Your not wrong to feel slighted. And I hate that your doing all the work to. Any updates?
Post # 10
I could understand why you might be a little hurt/annoyed by this, especially since you’re shouldering the Maid/Matron of Honor responsibility.
But let’s look at it in a positive light for a moment…
1. Maybe she trusts you with the details more than the Maid/Matron of Honor. Maybe she’s thinking you won’t screw it up as bad as everyone else might. 😉
2. She’s saving the best for last by putting you near the back of the line, honey! 😀
I hope things get better for you! Just keep smilin’ and enjoy her big day when it gets here.