Post # 1
My best friend is getting married to a wonderful man this spring and she has asked me to be a bridesmaid. I happily accepted and they set a date for early April. They’ve started the planning and everything is coming together nicely (ordering dresses, planning the shower and such). At the same time, my sister is a senior in college and will be graduating in may.
Unfortunately, my best friend got a call from her venue and apparently there is another person who desprately wants her date and will pay at all costs in order to have it. The venue offered my friend another date and very enticing upgrades and discounts in order to change the date.
My dilema is that this new date is the same day as my sister’s graduation.
I have considered splitting the time between the two but looking further into the logistics that does not seem possible (graduation is early afternoon over 2 hours away and my friends wedding ceremony is 5:30pm). So if I split the time I would not be able to be in the wedding and will have to arrive (as a guest) late.
I feel very upset and torn. I would never miss my sister’s graduation so that is not an option. She is my only sister and we are very close. But at the same time I want to take part in all the preparations and festivities that will be my best friends wedding.
She hasn’t decided about the change either way, but I can understand how enticing discounts can be when you are planning a big wedding. I don’t want her to make a decision based on me and my availability because it is her day.
Any thoughts or insights would be appreciated.
Post # 3
Best friend’s wedding! A wedding is the most important day in your life. Surely your sister can have a graduation party/celebration/dinner the next day? I always find graduations very tedious too. You have no role in her graduation either, just to watch and she won’t even notice you’re missing.
Post # 4
That would be a very difficult choice to make, I’m not sure what I would do in your shoes.
Couldn’t your friend see if they are able to give her another date besides the one they have already offered? I mean, she is sort of in control of this situation because she has her original date all down. I would see if she could request another day and maybe then you could attend both? I know that may seem a tiny bit selfish on your part, but I would still ask. Maybe her and her Fiance like another date better?
Post # 5
If your friend hasn’t decided to change, maybe you should bring it up to her first. let her know of the situation this puts you in, and how much you want to attend both. It’s unfortunate; I hope you can figure it out so you can attend both!
Post # 6
I’m not sure how your sister feels, but graduation was very boring for me and all of my family involved. My dad left early because he got hungry!
Post # 7
Yeah skip the graduation. Have one of the other family members video tape it for you and then do something special to celebrate the next day. I would think she would understand.
Post # 8
Personally, I think graduations are the most horrible events to attend and looking back I kind of wish I didn’t even attend my own, so I say wedding. You can always do something special for your sister the next day, you will never get the chance to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man in your best friends wedding again.
We had a cousin graduate the day of our wedding and as a result missed out on a large chunk of DH’s family attending (family of 4). I understand their decision to skip our wedding, especially since they weren’t actually in it, but honestly I think they would have been better off coming to our wedding!
Post # 9
Best friend’s wedding, for sure! Maybe get your sister an extra special grad gift to make up for it. 🙂
Post # 10
I know you said you would “never” miss your sister’s graduation, but I wholeheartedly agree with the PPs. I’m not sure how your sister feels, of course, but I would not have been at all upset if my brother couldn’t attend my college graduation in order for him to be at his best friend’s wedding. Of course I was happy to have him (and my parents) there – but I was bored at MY OWN graduation, and I am always bored at others’. I think your sister will understand that a wedding is a once-in-a-lifetime celebration, whereas a graduation can be celebrated after the fact.
Post # 11
Is this your sistersâ€™ college graduation? Talk to your sister and get her opinion first before making any decisions.
Post # 12
Go to the wedding. I just graduated in may it was boring and long and i did not want to be there lol. im sure your sister will understand and see if she can have a graduation party and you can go to that
Post # 13
I would talk to your sister – but I would pick the wedding. Have a grad party the next day or something. The actual graduation ceremony is pretty tedious – especially if it’s a college one. I couldn’t even see my family in the crowd, and only my DH’s dad was able to make it out. Actually, all three of my siblings weren’t there as they stayed at home to do chores so my parents could come.
I actually thought about skipping my ceremony just because I thought it would be long and boring (it was) but Darling Husband really wanted me to do it.
Post # 14
mmm..tough one. Talk to your sister. See what she says. I’m not going to lie if my sister just decided to ditch my “boring” ceremony for her friend’s “boring” ceremony (i find wedding ceremonies to be so boring, if I could just have a reception i would!) I would be hurt and upset. I worked hard to get my degree and to get that opportunity to walk across that stage.
If your sister doesn’t care, then I think you wouldn’t have to feel bad or guilty about it. Hopefully it will work out and you won’t have to choose or feel bad about your choice!
Maybe you could stay, watch your sis walk across the stage and then hop in the car and get to the wedding on time?
Post # 15
My graduation was SUPER BORING. I wouldn’t have been hurt if a family member decided not to attend because of schedule conflicts. Heck, my brother actually wasn’t there but that’s because he was at USAFA.
Talk to your sister, I’m sure she’ll be very understanding.
Post # 16
Sorry, but I have to go against the grain and say it would probably be really hard for me if my only sister who I was extremely close to missed my graduation. Graduations are important, and while boring it depends on the person for how important it is that their loved ones witness the event. So definitely talk to your sister about it – she may tell you that it’s fine to do the wedding, but you don’t want to drive a wedge into your relationship if you just go ahead and skip without talking to her about it first.
Friends are important, but your family is blood and when you do have a relationship then I think they come first. It’d be another story if you and your sister weren’t close, but you are so that’s a very important consideration.
As soon as you talk to your sister, no matter what she says and you two decide, talk to your best friend. Even though you don’t want her decision to be made based on you, the thing is if she chose you to be part of her bridal party she may WANT to ensure you can be there and make an informed decision.