(Closed) Best friend’s wedding and sister’s graduation on the same day.. what can I do???

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 47
Member
167 posts
Blushing bee

@autumn865: if mising your sis’s gradation is not an option, then you obviously can’t be in your best friend’s wdding and just arrive late as a guest…

Post # 48
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2009

my sister didnt come to my graduation and i didnt even think twice about it. My parents recorded it and she watched it on her next visit up. I think as long as you go to the party she has all should be fine. it didnt really matter to me who came to my actual graduation.

Post # 49
Member
2402 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

I think attending weddings is way more important than a graduation. 

but maybe I’m biased: I didn’t even attend my own graduation ceremony!  

Post # 50
Member
1316 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Gee thats a toughie, but yes weddings always overrule a graduation, which can be celebrated with a family meal the next day or something ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 51
Member
2336 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

If you’re not willing to even ask your sister if she minds if you miss her graduation, then there’s not really much point in us giving suggestions/advice/opinions.  You’ve already decided to attend graduation, all you need do now is gracefully communicate this to your friend without pressuring her in any way while making her decision.  (As a side note: I think it’s wrong to cast her OR the venue in this situation as the bad guy.  As a business, it is reasonable for them to entice her to change her date.  It’s similarly reasonable for her to accept and save a boatload on her wedding.  The only way there is a bad guy is if you guilt/pressure her in her decision.) 

FWIW, I missed my sister’s graduation because I was doing a term in France and my parents didn’t feel it was necessary to pay for me to fly home for it (and I didn’t have the funds for it).  My sister missed my brother’s (forget why).  And my brother missed mine (forget why).  So we each had only one sibling present in round robin, and none showed for my grad school graduation and I was totally ok about it.  ๐Ÿ™‚  I couldn’t see anyone at any of my graduations in the crowd anyways (except high school, where an older brother of a friend was so excited to know he knew a valedictorian, he shouted my name so loudly I could find him – and my family).

ETA: In my family graduations are frequent, but weddings infrequent.  I have had four graduations (high school, college, MA & JD) and my sibs three.  Meanwhile my parents remain happily married after 40 years, my sister is celebrating 12 this summer, my brother 6 years, with only one wedding each.  I plan on only getting married once as well.  ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 52
Member
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

although I didnt attend my own graduation.. My sister is.. my sister.. I cant miss her big day.. so i would go to her graduation and try to make it as soon as possible to my bestfriends wedding- atleast make it to the reception. Talk to ur bestfriend and let her know about ur plan ( If ur gonna try to make both  ) and if shes an understanding friend, shell understand that u cant just walk away from a fam celebration.. it IS a big deal– whether graduations are boring or not. Its a day in ur sisters life that shell treasure.. So Im sure you can make it to both! Set a time scheduale for the day and see what you can do!

 

Post # 53
Member
917 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Go to the wedding! Send your sister a nice card and offer to come visit to take her out to a celebratory dinner after the fact. A graduation is a HUGE deal, but a wedding is much more important imo ๐Ÿ™‚ 

Post # 54
Member
25 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I definitely agree with you about the graduation. As close as you and your friend are, your sister worked very hard to get to her graduation, and I know I would feel a bit hurt if my sister skipped my graduation to go to a wedding, best friend or not. I am pretty sure your friend would understand that you cannot be a Bridesmaid or Best Man and just have to attend as a guest. Also while you can tell her your dilemma, definitely don’t make her feel guilty about her new wedding date. Discounts on a wedding are a huge help so if she’s set her on her date, you’ll just have to do lots of driving ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 55
Member
1125 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Wedding!! By far the more important event

Post # 56
Member
1736 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I am in the minority here but i think SISTERS graduation > friends wedding. I know that if my brother chose to go to a friends event rather than my grad. I would be VERY upset and sad.

Tell your friend your problem, and put the ball in her court. Its not to late for you to bow out, and i am sure as a friend she will understand

Post # 57
Member
2336 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Curious to other posters, does it make a difference that she’d be a BM?  To me, it does, it signifies a close relationship that while it may not be as close as a sister relationship, is still an important one.  It’s not the same thing as merely being invited as a guest to a wedding, where I might have a different response.

Post # 58
Member
91 posts
Worker bee

I am in the minority, but I say go to your sister’s graduation. First, you shouldn’t choose which event to attend just because one is more fun than the other. I agree with a pp– family trumps best friend.

Secondly, your sister’s graduation date was set before your friend considered changing her date. Can you imagine how your sister will feel if you tell her you aren’t attending her graduation because a friend might be changing her wedding date? I would never choose a friend over my sister. My sister IS my best friend.

 

Post # 59
Member
1374 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I think you should go to the wedding. If it was my sibling having to make that decision I would want them to go to the wedding, as PPs mentioned grads are boring and drawn out. Do something special with her afterward to celebrate her acheivements. She will understand , and would probably feel guilty if you were missing your friends wedding to attend.

Post # 60
Member
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Well, I have graduated from college 4 times, and only attended my first graduate school graduation.  The only reason I even attended that one was because my mom insisted that I at least do one of my graduation ceremonies.  Seriously, skip the graduation.  In addition, are there even enough tickets for you to attend the ceremony?  When I graduated from grad school I got 2 tickets, that’s it!

Post # 61
Member
726 posts
Busy bee

Interesting to see so many graduations aren’t as important as a wedding. I wonder if the person graduating makes a difference in a persons decison. Like what if it was your SO, FI or hubby? Would that make the decision harder?

I love my best friend, but if she chose to change the date after I said yes, and it interfered with the accomplishment of a close family member, I would have to back out. I hate to say it, but friends come and go, my family is forever.

It’s not like her friends wedding interferes with  a super bowl party, its interfering with  a serious accomplishment of a close family member. That isn’t an easy decison to make. Someone unfortunately is going to be hurt

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