(Closed) Best friend’s wedding and sister’s graduation on the same day.. what can I do???

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 62
Member
6890 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I’d tell your friend the tough spot she is putting you in and DON’T sugarcoat. Since you’ve expressed choosing not to miss the graduation (which I would probably choose the same, my family is forever) tell her that. If SHE chooses to move her date to one you have a conflict with, then you can’t be there for her in the way she asked you to be. Simple as that. If she still chooses to move it, help her plan and come as a guest. That to me is the only option based on your OP.

Post # 63
Member
6890 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

View original reply
@MissCallieJean: Exactly. Even best friends come and go most of the time.

Post # 64
Member
1398 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

This is a hard one. I think I would go with the wedding, BUT have a talk with your sister and tell her you are truly sorry about missing the graduation but want to do something special, then treat her to a great girls weekend, like Vegas or someplace she has always wanted to do or a place she’s wanted to go. I was not able to go to my sisters graduation, because it was held at a venue that had limited seating and at that time it was more important for our parents, and grandparents to go. My bowing out of going to the graduation made it possible for our great-aunt, whom my sister was very close to, to go, so it was all good. If you can send your sister some flowers that day, and tell her how proud you are of her, I bet that would mean alot.

 

Post # 65
Member
3323 posts
Sugar bee

Lots of people have multiple graduations (public school, middle school, high school, college) but only one wedding.

To me graduations aren’t a big deal. Yes they mark an important milestone but they don’t relate at all to the person/or their actual work to achieve the diploma. But a wedding is a very intimate affair where people pledge their love and lives to each other in front of close relatives and friends. The grad is a huge stadium filled with mostly strangers who don’t know what you actually studied.

To me it isn’t a decision of choosing between family vs friends but of the level of importance, how much my physical presence would be missed. I wouldn’t pick family 27th birthday party over a wedding of a friend because family comes first.

I would be furious with my sister if they skipped BFFs wedding to come to a graduation for me. She won’t see/notice if you are there or not.

Post # 66
Member
3216 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

View original reply
@kay01: I totally agree.  As a Bridesmaid or Best Man, she’s obviously a very close friend to the bride.  If this were some “one of my buddies from high school’s wedding” then I’d be more inclined to lean with the family obligation. 

My SO’s family are very close.  Their entire extended family (like 30 people of aunts/uncles/cousins) attend all of the children’s graduations– my SO went to school on the other side of the country and they all flew out for him, then back to the other side for another! But if one of my SO’s best friends were getting married, I’m sure he’d serve as a Groomsmen and just go hang with his family the next day. 

Post # 68
Member
3216 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Yay!! So glad it’s working out.

Post # 69
Member
2638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2006

It seems to me like a wedding would trump a graduation every day of the week and twice on Sunday.

Graduation was not a big deal at all for me. I didn’t walk in high school or in college or for my MBA. LOL. So it would be no contest. Can’t you just take your sister out for dinner and drinks to celebrate another day?

Post # 70
Member
939 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Definitely talk to your sister.  My sister just graduated  on dec 17th and SHE didn’t even want to be there.  I didn’t go, and I don’t feel bad about it.  And i didn’t even have any other plans, i sat at home all day (well, i do live 2 hours away from where she graduated).  But I would defnitely go to Best Friend’s Wedding.  Have them video the graduation and take your sister out for a celebration on another night.

 

ETA: nevermind, just read your update!  I’m happy it all seem to be working out : )

Post # 71
Member
2948 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I would go to the wedding without a doubt. Im sure she would do the same if in your shoes. Like the other posters said… she wont even get to hang out with you until after the entire thing. You guys can always plan a huge party for her the next day! Yes graduating is a huge accomplishment but I feel that a wedding is much more signifigant………espeically with a BEST friend!!!!!!!!!

Hope it all works out for you! Dont be scared to talk to you sister and be 100% open. She may not make as big a deal about it as you think! 😉

Post # 72
Member
4044 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

FACETIME! maybe there is way someone can stream the graduation over the internet/camera and you can still watch it, even if you aren’t there in person. i would probably pick the wedding as there is more involved and your friend most likely needs your help more than your sister needs you to be at graduation.

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