(Closed) best friends wedding but the groom doesn’t want my husband to attend?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 44
Member
2775 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Whether it’s reasonable for the groom to be uncomfortable or not, married couples are social units and it’s a serious breach of etiquette to invite one spouse without the other.

Post # 45
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

View original reply
@sailor: fair enough..but if we play the etiquette card we could also get into the “dating ex’s rule”.

If i could have gotten away with not inving DH’s ex..i totally would have…the only reason I DID invite her was bc DH wanted his “best friend” there. I hated it!!!!

So OP should be allowed to bring her husband bc the bride wants her there!! it makes sense…but the groom has spoken up (where as i just cried to DH before we send out the invites…)

He has voiced his concern and doesnt want him there…i just think if the OP knows this, why not bow down to the request…??

Post # 46
Member
776 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

This is such a crappy situation for you! I am sorry you are going through this! I hope you understand that none of this is your fault.

In my opinion your best friend should not expect you to come to the wedding without your husband! That is so rude especially because he is good friends with her too. She is sticking by her fiances side in this and you need to stick by your husbands side. If I were you I would talk to her straight up and say how disappointed you are that she would treat you guys like this. By the sounds of it you guys are great friends and I think she should be talking to her fiance. By the sounds of it she isn’t going to do that so I would let her know that you are upset with both of them and just leave it at that. Maybe take a vacation with your husband somewhere else and enjoy it together.

Just my personal opinion!

Post # 47
Member
776 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

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@Baileyh: So you would be completely fine if your husband was invited to a wedding of a good friend of yours and you were specifically excluded because the wife didn’t like you? That wouldn’t hurt your feelings?

 

Post # 48
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

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@MissHockey: Oh i would be hurt if it was bc they just didnt like me…but If they didnt invite me bc i dated the groom..i would me like “ummm okay” fair enough….I felt akward even being at my DH’s “best friends” wedding…

Post # 49
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

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@Oneeleven: wow! I was thinking the EXACT SAME THING!  AND, that OP got banned.  Either that, or they removed themselves from the Bee.  

Anyone else find this interesting?  

 

Post # 50
Member
2468 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

okay, i get the no inviting ex’s thing if it makes either the bride or groom uncomfortable…but this seems extreme! you call this girl your best friend and are helping plan the wedding, i don’t think it should matter to the groom anymore that they went out once years ago. he’s married, he’s married to you, that’s all that should be important.

unless, there’s more back story to your husband and friend’s relationship than you know? maybe she had stronger feelings for him than she’s told you?

Post # 51
Member
6391 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

That’s such a sucky situation. There’s no way I would attend a Destination Wedding that Fiance was forbidden to attend. I agree with PPs that you should just tell her that you can’t attend without your DH. 

Post # 52
Member
7581 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

 I think the fact that it’s a destination wedding makes this more complicated. It’s one thing to leave DH at home on a Saturday night, but another to travel with out him.  I understand where the groom is coming from. I wouldn’t want any of my ex’s or his ex’s there regardless. So if I was the bride I wouldn’t have excepted your help, nor expected you to be there. I probably would have just told you the situation upfront and let it be.

 

Post # 53
Member
1889 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I would tell your best friend to talk to her Fiance about this.  Tell her you absolutely 100% want to be there to help and support her, but you can’t travel out of the state/country and go to a wedding without your husband.  It’s really non-negotiable and it sounds like her Fiance is the only person being immature here.

Post # 54
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I’m gonna be the Devi’s Advocate and say : TROLL.  

It’s way too much like the other link posted on the first page and, I’m sorry, but this is SUCH a pathetic reason to NOT invite someone.  Especially a married couple.

 It’s possible I’m wrong, but the similarities are way too close.

Post # 55
Member
776 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

View original reply
@Baileyh: The OP states that its because the fiance dislikes her husband. I mean come on they casually dated 7 years ago!! And she even states how her husband is good friends the bride as well!

Post # 56
Member
4753 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

View original reply
@StarBadAzz: Tough situation. Would he harp on your ass for going without him? Or would he be more pissed at the bride for not sticking up for him to her groom?

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