(Closed) best friends wedding but the groom doesn’t want my husband to attend?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 59
4410 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2010 - Savannah, GA

One time, many years ago, my cousin asked my mom to make her wedding cake, which my mom happily agreed to do for free. When the invitation came to the wedding, only mom was invited, not my dad.  My mom delivered the cake and left. She refused to attend the wedding when my dad wasn’t invited.

I would never attend a wedding that my husband was not invited to.  He would not attend a wedding that I wasn’t invited to.  If I was helping with the wedding, I would continue to help, but make it clear that my help would be limited to the pre-wedding day preparations and that I would be unable to attend or help out on the day of the wedding. 

Most likely, I would sever any connection with that friend after the wedding.  No ONE does anything to hurt my husband without consequence.  I understand it is their wedding, and it’s their perogrative to invite who they want, but it would also be my perogrative not to attend. 

Post # 60
645 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I would continue to help her plan the wedding, even throw her a shower and bachelorette like a bridesmaid would… BUT, if your husband isn’t invited, let her know you’ll have to miss the actual wedding.

Post # 61
349 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Whew.  Tough one. 

There are a lot of posts throughout the Wedding Board that (rightfully) point out that people getting married have a right to choose who they want and don’t want to have witness their weddings.  

So here we have a groom that doesn’t want one half of a married couple at the wedding, and a bride who is very close with the other half.  BOTH of them had an equal say in how this would be handled, and clearly THEY (the bride and groom) came up with a solution – invite you but not your husband. 

It may not be a choice some of us would have made, but there you have it.  

Now the ball is in YOUR court.  You need not feel badly about any decision you make.  You can bow out, bring your husband to the destination but not to the wedding, or you can go by yourself.  Do what feels right for you and your husband.  You are certainly not obligated.


Post # 62
645 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

View original reply
@sonomagal: WOW! What a great way to put it.

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