Post # 1
Hey, I was hoping to gain some opinions if I am over-reacting. I have been engaged to my Fiancée for 2 years now and been together for 11 years this year. We have been planning our overseas wedding for Feb 2015, we have set a date, organised a wedding planner and venue. My friend who was recently engaged (Feb 2013) and is to be my Maid/Matron of Honor has decided to have her wedding less than a week after ours in the same country. At first I was excited by the concept, but now it’s upsetting me. My partner and I are thinking of postponing our wedding as I don’t feel comfortable sharing the same week. I was excited about planning our wedding, but now I am not. I just feel it will get judged by her. I am very simple and I don’t want an over the top wedding.
I was hoping to see if anybody else has had to deal with this before. I am wondering if I should just go ahead and leave it as is. I am more concerned it will affect our friendship. If anybody else has experienced this and the friendship hasn’t been affected I would really like to know.
My partner has discussed the option to postpone our wedding, however, I don’t think this is fair as we were already planning ours and have set a date prior to her engagement. I am torn whether to discuss how I am feeling about it as it will be an awkward conversation and I don’t want to lose a friend over a wedding… HELP!!??
Post # 3
I haven’t had to deal with this before, but I’ll post what I normally post on these types of threads.
Sometimes as brides, we forget that we only get 1 day. Not a week, or a month. One single day. Yeah, it sucks that her date is a week after yours, and in the same general location.. but it’s her wedding, she can choose whichever day she wants, as long as it’s not yours.
You have plenty of time to move the date if that’s what you decide to do [and if you plan to take a long honeymoon, there really isn’t a choice unless you want to miss her wedding].
But, the pros of this is that your wedding is before hers, so maybe more of your friends will come to your wedding instead.
Post # 4
Okay, that confuses me. I would never want my wedding so close to a friend’s. Especially so close, and after! That just seems dumb on her part. I guess her idea is that, since they’re both out of country, she can have some of the same guests and it won’t be too much of a hassle? Or maybe she figures that she wants the wedding there, and she will already be there? What’s her reasoning? It doesn’t make sense to me.
I would definitely talk to her since this is upsetting you so much. No one wants to share the spotlight! That doesn’t seem fair to your or her. I would sit her down and ask her why she wants her wedding directly after you and in the same locale. And point out that it’s not fair to either of you that either of you should have to share the spotlight. And really, if she’s going to be your Maid/Matron of Honor, how does she expect to perform the necessary duties a week before her own wedding?
On the other hand, if she refuses to budge, her wedding will be after yours. So while it may be her judging your wedding, it will be any of the similar guests judging hers. You will be frolicking on your honeymoon and she will be scrambling to get the final details of her wedding together since she had been forced to focus on yours in the weeks leading up the event.
Post # 5
@MissCauchi: She’s obviously combining the trip for your wedding, with her wedding. I don’t see a problem. By agreeing to be your Maid/Matron of Honor she is giving up a fair portion of her 2015 vacation time, so why can’t she use it (that vacation) for her wedding? And personally, I think it would be fun to plan together.
Post # 6
@MissCauchi: Hi i had the same thing happen to me. And to be honest i wasn’t upset or put out.
I was just delighted that i will be able to attend. I emigrated a few years ago and we are returning home to get married. So we will be able to attend hers as well.
Her reasoning is as follows: his mother is ill and they want to get married. who am i to throw a tantrum over this??? Isn’t she entitled to her happy ever after as well??
We actually share the same friends as we both went away to the same university. There is no way these people will judge either of us for our choices. So I have no problem, I can’t wait for the Christmas. As I actually have four weddings in the space of three weeks!!!
Post # 7
My BIL got hitched after our Destination Wedding in our honeymoon location. We were nothing but thrilled to be able to make their weeding and for them to take advantage of a great location since they and most of the family had taken the time and expense to travel to the destination.
Basically this will only affect your relationship if you let it. So don’t let it. No two weddings are every the same because it is two entirely different people getting married with different likes and visions.
Enjoy your wedding and then go and enjoy your friends.
Post # 8
I don’t see the problem. You get a day, not a week?
Post # 10
This is all so far away. Who know what will change before then.
Post # 11
- Wedding: March 2016 - Mexico
I’m guessing she can’t afford to fly out of the country twice on top of all the expenses of her wedding plus the expenses of being Maid/Matron of Honor in yours and figures it’ll save everyone money who is invited to both weddings to not have to fly twice as well. It kind of makes sense. It’s normal that having her wedding following so closely after yours makes you feel a little competitive or like yours will feel less special, but if you talk to her about her reasoning for the timing, I’m sure you’ll feel a lot better.
Post # 12
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@MissCauchi: I would quiet down about it but also not act excited about it. She will probably realize that it’s not a good idea and move her date. I suspect she will move it up since 2015 is a long way away and then you will likely be upset that she is getting married before you. We changed our mind a few times over the first year we were engaged and didn’t even book our venue until a year out so it’s likely she will change her mind about the date and/or venue.