Post # 1
Hi bees! My fiancé’s, best mans’ wife is terribly inconsiderate and selfish, specifically towards me, and she lied to get out of attending our wedding.
My fiancé is completely understanding of my feelings and does not pressure me to reach out to her further, after several, one sided failed attempts. However, fiancé is not letting this thwart his friendship with the best man.
Is it appropriate for fiancé to keep his friendship with the best man, despite the wife being manipulative and rude to me OR out of respect for me, should he call the friendship quits?
I fear that she will be a part of every important event in my life, (aside from wedding) because she is an extension of the best man. Can I, in good conscience, not invite her for future events that directly involve the best man?
Post # 2
Yes I would think so. She just better never show up to your house lol
it wouldn’t bother me if the best man was nothing like his wife. And rgood riddance she isn’t showing up to your wedding. Just take the win.
but if somehow the best man was rude that would be a no go for me
Post # 3
bridetobeeeee12345 : Yes, I think it’s fine for them to stay friends as long as he doesn’t expect you to go on couple dates with them. If the guy is respectful to you, there’s no reason their friendship should suffer just because you and his wife don’t get along.
Post # 4
I’d just have your fiancé make it VERY CLEAR that best man doesn’t get a plus one. To anything. Ever again.
Post # 5
bridetobeeeee12345 : Could you provide more concrete examples? She had no obligation to attend your wedding.
Post # 6
Daisy_Mae : fiancé does not pressure me to go on double dates and rarely will we see each other for a group/special occasion. I worry that she will be a part of every happy moment in my life!
Post # 7
bridetobeeeee12345 : What did this person do to you? She doesn’t owe you anything, including going to your wedding or being your friend. If she doesn’t want to participate, give her what she wants because you don’t want her anyway. More importantly, it is unfair of you to ask your fiance to stop being friends with someone (especially his best man) because you don’t like his wife.
Edit: Not inviting her to future events is petty and pointless. Do you want to your fiance to resent you for driving a wedge between him and his best man? She probably wouldn’t accept anyway if she is as bad as you say she is.
Post # 8
bridetobeeeee12345 : If you rarely see her, then there’s no point in worrying about her being part of every happy moment. She’ll be a minor background annoyance at worst. It’s not worth trying to drive a wedge between your husband and someone he loves to avoid that. I don’t pick my husband’s friends and I’d be really angry if he ever tried to pick mine.
Post # 9
bridetobeeeee12345 : How would she be a part of every major event in your life when she lied to get out of attending your wedding and your SO doesn’t expect you to go on double dates or other group events with her?
Also, unless the Best Man is also a rude, inconsiderate ass, there’s no way that you can reasonably expect your Darling Husband to sever ties with someone he is close enough to to invite said person to stand up with him at his wedding. There is no way for you to do that without blowback.
I think you just have to minimize your interactions with the wife and, as much as possible, let your Darling Husband focus any invites on his friend.
Post # 10
I also think it depends on the specifics of the rude and manipulative behavior and also whether the best man knows about or enables it in any way.
As for lying about attending the wedding, do you know that for a fact? There is always the possibility that something personal or private is the real reason for a white lie.
In general, of course people can have friends that they see one on one. However, there are some events where it is always unacceptable to exclude a spouse or partner. A couples night out, a party, or a dinner would be in that category. You’d invite both or neither.
Post # 11
I’d like to second this, @weddingmaven. Nothing OP has said demonstrates that the wife has been selfish or manipulative or rude. Just that she doesn’t want to go to a wedding or be close friends. This girl could have social anxiety, depression, stress, health problems, financial issues, other commitments that are more important to her, or just not want to. OP shouldn’t take it personally and be kind or at least not go out of her way to be mean.
Post # 12
What did she do to you? We can’t answe without that info
Post # 13
Post # 14
There’s no reason that your husband has to end a friendship with a person I assume is actually his best friend, just because his wife doesn’t like you.
Post # 15
It doesn’t sound like anything she has done to you actually warrants this reaction. Basically you are asking is it okay to never invite her to anything in the future because she didn’t attend your wedding? So dramatic.
Yes it it absolutely fine for your fiancé to continue to be friends with his best friend in this situation. You don’t have to be friends with his wife by extension.
My fiancé has a few best friends that he sees regularly, one SO I am very close to and we have become friends on our own and the other SO I don’t really click with and wouldn’t consider a friend.
Between this and your anger over your fiancé not including your brother in his bridal party, while also not being able to include his own brothers, you are running his risk of alienating your fiancé due to this level of control you feel you deserve over his relationships.
Edit. I’ve just seen your wedding is a destination wedding yet you are claiming money and time couldn’t possibly be a factor in the best man’s fiancé attending. You don’t even like her and aren’t close, why are you so annoyed that she doesn’t want to shell out a small fortune to go to your wedding?