Best Man and his terrible wife!

posted 4 months ago in Grooms/men
Post # 2
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Yes I would think so. She just better never show up to your house lol

it wouldn’t bother me if the best man was nothing like his wife.  And rgood riddance she isn’t showing up to your wedding. Just take the win.

but if somehow the best man was rude that would be a no go for me

Post # 3
8814 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

bridetobeeeee12345 :  Yes, I think it’s fine for them to stay friends as long as he doesn’t expect you to go on couple dates with them. If the guy is respectful to you, there’s no reason their friendship should suffer just because you and his wife don’t get along.

Post # 4
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I’d just have your fiancé make it VERY CLEAR that best man doesn’t get a plus one. To anything. Ever again.

Post # 7
378 posts
Helper bee

bridetobeeeee12345 :  What did this person do to you?  She doesn’t owe you anything, including going to your wedding or being your friend.  If she doesn’t want to participate, give her what she wants because you don’t want her anyway.  More importantly, it is unfair of you to ask your fiance to stop being friends with someone (especially his best man) because you don’t like his wife.

Edit: Not inviting her to future events is petty and pointless.  Do you want to your fiance to resent you for driving a wedge between him and his best man?  She probably wouldn’t accept anyway if she is as bad as you say she is.  

Post # 8
1054 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

bridetobeeeee12345 :  If you rarely see her, then there’s no point in worrying about her being part of every happy moment.  She’ll be a minor background annoyance at worst.  It’s not worth trying to drive a wedge between your husband and someone he loves to avoid that.  I don’t pick my husband’s friends and I’d be really angry if he ever tried to pick mine.

Post # 9
6092 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

bridetobeeeee12345 :  How would she be a part of every major event in your life when she lied to get out of attending your wedding and your SO doesn’t expect you to go on double dates or other group events with her?

Also, unless the Best Man is also a rude, inconsiderate ass, there’s no way that you can reasonably expect your Darling Husband to sever ties with someone he is close enough to to invite said person to stand up with him at his wedding. There is no way for you to do that without blowback.

I think you just have to minimize your interactions with the wife and, as much as possible, let your Darling Husband focus any invites on his friend.

Post # 10
11963 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

I also think it depends on the specifics of the rude and manipulative behavior and also whether the best man knows about or enables it in any way. 

As for lying about attending the wedding, do you know that for a fact? There is always the possibility that something personal or private is the real reason for a white lie. 

In general, of course people can have friends that they see one on one. However, there are some events where it is always unacceptable to exclude a spouse or partner. A couples night out, a party, or a dinner would be in that category. You’d invite both or neither. 

Post # 11
378 posts
Helper bee

I’d like to second this, @weddingmaven. Nothing OP has said demonstrates that the wife has been selfish or manipulative or rude.  Just that she doesn’t want to go to a wedding or be close friends. This girl could have social anxiety, depression, stress, health problems, financial issues, other commitments that are more important to her, or just not want to.  OP shouldn’t take it personally and be kind or at least not go out of her way to be mean. 

Post # 14
494 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

There’s no reason that your husband has to end a friendship with a person I assume is actually his best friend, just because his wife doesn’t like you. 

Post # 15
5347 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

It doesn’t sound like anything she has done to you actually warrants this reaction. Basically you are asking is it okay to never invite her to anything in the future because she didn’t attend your wedding? So dramatic.

Yes it it absolutely fine for your fiancé to continue to be friends with his best friend in this situation. You don’t have to be friends with his wife by extension. 

My fiancé has a few best friends that he sees regularly, one SO I am very close to and we have become friends on our own and the other SO I don’t really click with and wouldn’t consider a friend.

Between this and your anger over your fiancé not including your brother in his bridal party, while also not being able to include his own brothers, you are running his risk of alienating your fiancé due to this level of control you feel you deserve over his relationships. 

Edit. I’ve just seen your wedding is a destination wedding yet you are claiming money and time couldn’t possibly be a factor in the best man’s fiancé attending. You don’t even like her and aren’t close, why are you so annoyed that she doesn’t want to shell out a small fortune to go to your wedding? 

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