Best Man and his terrible wife!

posted 2 months ago in Grooms/men
Post # 16
Member
2630 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

bridetobeeeee12345 :  if shes really that awful they will break up eventually

Post # 17
Member
4252 posts
Honey bee

I don’t like the spouses of many of my friends.  I don’t have to – I’m not the one married to them. However, I respect the relationship because they are important to my friends.

You don’t get to dictate your spouse’s friends.  Your husband is an autonomous human being.  Getting married didn’t make you dictator of his life…getting married means he is choosing to share his life with you, not have it controlled by you.  You also don’t have to like or be friends with the spouses of those friends.  But you should respect their relationship, since obviously the spouse is important to the friend and that person (your spouse’s friend) is important to your spouse.  

So I recommend you find a way to get over her declining your destination wedding.  Lots of people would.  Also stop referring to him solely as “the best man”.  He is a best man for one day…all the other days he’s your husband’s friend.  Really, the whole tone of your post in conjunction with your prior post just makes you sound like you’re being petty and bitter over your husband picking this friend instead of making your brother a groomsman and you’re looking for excuses to dump the friend and wife.  He was not obligated to pick your brother.  Nor was this woman (nor anyone else) obligated to attend your destination wedding.  It was an invitation, not a subpoena.

Post # 18
Member
873 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

Unless you give us other concrete examples, it seems the only thing “the best man’s terrible wife” has done is decline your wedding invitation. You don’t know for a fact that she didn’t decline your DESTINATION wedding for time, financial, or health (zika? mental health?) reasons. These are all reasons that someone might not feel comfortable telling you.

First you’re upset that you can’t control who your fiance’s groomsmen are. Now you are wondering if you can control his friendships – apparently a close one too if he is a best man. For the sake of your relationship, you may want to do some introspection and figure out why you are feeling so bitter.

Post # 19
Member
4492 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

How is she manipulative if she’s avoided all your attempts at communication? Just leave the woman alone. It’s not your place or right to control everyone. I see big red flags in your behavior and posts.

Post # 20
Member
11611 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Unless it was a sibling, I’d likely decline a true destination wedding, defined as local to neither family or the couple, too. It’s asking too much to expect people to give up vacation time and spend money to go on a trip they had no part in choosing and planning. She’s not the one being inconsiderate here. 

Post # 21
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

I’m agreeing with PP here- unless a sibling or BEST friend was having a destination wedding, I would decline. I’d definitely decline my fiance’s best friend’s destination wedding as I don’t want to spend my money on a vacation I don’t want to go to.  You’re fiance’s best man’s wife does NOT need to attend your wedding, and I’m truly surprised you think she should. I also think making your future husband give up a best friend over something so trival is very petty and controling of you. 

Post # 22
Member
3509 posts
Sugar bee

Are you 10? Your fiance is allowed to have friends with spouses you don’t like. Are you afraid she’s going to be in the delivery room with you? At your kids graduation? Is she going to be there when they take their first steps? When you get a promotion? Buy a house?

You’re acting like a melodramatic fool. 

Post # 23
Member
10410 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

bridetobeeeee12345 :  

Life is short, Bee.

Is this really worth it?  On your deathbed; many decades from now, will your greatest regret be letting this guy’s wife show up at your events?

She can only get to you if you allow her to get to you.  She has rebuffed your efforts to reach out.  Fair enough.  She’s allowed to do that. Your future husband is allowed to keep his friend.

Marriage often requires compromises. 

Post # 24
Member
1429 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

 bridetobeeeee12345 :  Gonna agree with the pp’s bee.  You seriously need to chill.  You shouldn’t try to dictate your DH’s friendships.  This makes you come of as controlling and while we’re at it be, really…… she avoided your wedding!  Common sense tells me she probably wants nothing to do with you either which you should consider a win.

As adults we’re supposed to realize that there will always be people we don’t like and who don’t like us. How about you simply decide to avoid BM’s wife from here on out okay? 

Getting yourself up in a tizzy about this is silly.

Post # 25
Member
825 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

 First of all in your other post you stated he was your fh best friend so get it straight! Stop calling him best man. Be respectful. If you don’t like his wife which it sounds like you dont , that’s on you. She doesnt want to go to your destination wedding so what. Your making it an issue because your husband didn’t pick your brother to be in your wedding party so you have to petty at somebody and it’s this poor women. Act your age! I wouldn’t want to go to your wedding either, I’m sure she can feel your negative vibe!!! 

Post # 26
Member
2128 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

bridetobeeeee12345 :  I actually gasped out loud at your even questioning whether or not your FH should remain friends with someone just b/c you don’t like the wife… are you kidding me?

1) He is the best FRIEND of you FH… not just the “best man”

2) Your relationship with his wife has NO bearing on their friendship

3) His wife does not have to go to your destination wedding and this does not make her a bad person. Maybe she doesnt have a lot of vaction days, maybe it’s too expensive… maybe she doesn’t like you

4) Stop holding a grudge against your FH’s friend just because your brother is not standing up in the wedding

Post # 27
Member
6129 posts
Bee Keeper

 bridetobeeeee12345 :  Is it appropriate for fiancé to keep his friendship with the best man, despite the wife being manipulative and rude to me OR out of respect for me, should he call the friendship quits? 

It IS appropriate for your future hubs to maintain his friendship with his best friend even though you and the wife do not get along. It is NOT appropriate for you to feel you get to choose your fiance’s friends.

Your Fiance is an adult capable of choosing his own groomsmen, his own friends, etc. Now if this friend was rude to you it would be a different story. Just minimize your interaction with best man’s wife.

Post # 28
Member
8720 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

bridetobeeeee12345 :  Your entire post history is basically “How can I control other people’s behavior so that they do everything the way I want and they’re cool with it?” This isn’t healthy and it doesn’t work. If you’re going to be pissy and try to micromanage other people’s behavior, thoughts, and feelings, you need to be prepared for them to not be cool with it and probably not be cool with you.

Post # 29
Member
568 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2020

Yyyyeah I have to agree with sunburn here. I gasped when you asked if your fiancé should keep his friend. 

What? I mean … what. 

Nope. You don’t get to tell him whom he may or may not be friends with. 

Post # 30
Member
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2019

Put yourself in his shoes. Would you end a friendship because your husband told you to? Because he doesn’t like your friend’s husband? If you were on here posting it that way around, people would say your husband is being a controlling jerk by telling you who to be friends with.

 

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