Post # 1
I’ll use letters in lieu of names here. My fiance’s sister, M, married her high-school sweetheart, G. My fiance and G have been very friends since a long time ago, and he is to be the best man. Well, M and G work completely different shifts-M works in a call center during the day, and then G has second shift–while they only have weekends together, this arragement logistically made sense because they have a two-year old daughter together. In the first week of March, G came home early from work to find his wife, M, having sex with another man on the couch. In the house G and M just bought over the summer. This other man works with M and it turns out that it had been going on for about six months prior to G walking in on them.
G is understandably destroyed by this. As I mentioned, they were high school sweethearts and he’s never even kissed another woman. He’s 25, attractive, intelligent, funny, and kind, so he’ll bounce back but he doesn’t see it that way right now. It doesn’t help that G has expressed no remorse since the discovery and claims that she had fallen out of love with M even before they got hitched and she only married him and had his child because she thought it would rekindle the relationship–I think she’s just talking out her ass to justify her actions, but her own justifications are neither here nor there. At some point she decided she was unhappy and she didn’t handle it very well at all. G has moved in with his mother while M is keeping the house, and this other man has moved in already. They went publically “Facebook official” not even a month after just the separation papers were signed (which apparently has to be done prior to the divorce proceedings), and the other man’s profile picture is of him holding G and M’s daughter.
My fiance doesn’t want to let this whole thing affect hi friendship with G, or G’s standing as the best man in our wedding this October. I’m inclinded to agree with him.
But here’s the problem: the rest of his family, especially M, doesn’t see it that way. My fiance’s mother is pitching a “family comes first” fit.
Post # 2
Well if family really came first they probably shouldn’t be supporting M cheating on her husband and breaking up her family. Some people’s logic is just crazy. You and your Fiance TELL your family what is happening and that regardless of their opinions your Fiance will have his best man by his side on the big day.
Post # 3
- Wedding: December 2017 - Lake Louise Canada
PP is 100% correct. Not their choice.
Post # 4
It’s not thier decision. Have your fiancé tell them it’s not up for discussion and he doesn’t want to hear any more about it.
Family clearly wasn’t all that important to his sister when she was cheating on her husband.
Post # 5
Have your fiance put his foot down with his family. If M feels that strongly she can skip the wedding. She is being completely out of line.
Do NOT cater to their selfish, immature demands. G is the best man, end of story.
Post # 6
Not their choice at all. M’s fault for screwing around on her husband (and brothers best friend) for 6+ months. Why should your fiance lose his best man, because of his sister’s actions?
Post # 7
I don’t think I could word it better than PP. I would tell them exactly what MsBeer said. I’d also add that G is the father of FI’s niece, which still makes him family. Also, I advise you to think & decide now on how to proceed with SIL’s new boyfriend and the wedding and let them know ASAP.
Post # 8
Wow that is definitely some serious drama.
I think PP are correct that you really have to stand your ground. You should refuse to argue with your in-laws and just continue to state your intentions. End the conversation if they start pitching fits.
I would also do your very best to keep G and M separated as much as possible on the day of the wedding. Seat them very far apart and don’t make him take any group photos with her. This should hopefully reduce the risk of any sort of dramatic outburst on the wedding day.
Good luck to you. This is a messy situation for sure.
Post # 9
My best friend is my best friend. NO ONE dictates who that is standing in support of me. She should be embrassed and ashamed. The audacity of trying to make YOUR wedding about her selfish ass choices. Nope.
Post # 10
Funny how “family comes first” is the argument they use to oust the husband of their cheating daughter from any wedding obligations. If they were truly “family first” they’d rightfully be embarrassed by their daughter’s actions. This is someone who has been a part of their family for several years who is still the father of their graddaughter, so, frankly, I’d tell this woman to shove it. Also, it would make me, as a person marrying into this family, very worried that this is what their first reaction is to do: ostrocize the in-law, specifically the in-law not at fault with what happened. To me, it doesn’t show a very supportive family.
If this were me, I’d tell Mother-In-Law to shove it and keep her opinions to herself. If she has any complaints, she can direct them to your SIL, who is at fault for all of this, not you or your Fiance. I also absolutely, strongly urge you not to kick this man out of your wedding because FI’s sister cheated on him.
Post # 11
WOW i don’t see how family comes first when M’s new man has G’s CHILD in his profile pic!!! I mean wow! And moving into G’s house! That’s horrendous.
Post # 12
I agree with PPs–M is the perpetrator, not the victim here, and deserves no concessions or special consideration. I hope for everyone’s sake M has the good sense and courtesy to not arrive at the wedding on the arm of her new toy.
Post # 13
Am I the only one who wouldn’t invite sister M at all? I give zero support for that kind of trashy behavior and she and her scumbag boyfriend would not be invited. If the family also refused to come, I’d assume I knew where she learned all those high morals and good riddance to them all (though that could suck for fiancé). homewreckers don’t belong at weddings.
Post # 14
I don’t have anything new to say about what to do about inviting your FI’s close friend to be his best man- I think Ms. Beer’s response is perfect.
I just wanted to say – make sure you let the sister know now that her boyfriend is not invited to the wedding and will be escorted out if he shows up.
Then, I would strongly advise you not speak with any of these people about this any further between now and your wedding. When anyone tries to bring it up just say “We’ve made our decision and we will not be discussing it.”
Post # 15
G is my friend too and I absolutely don’t want him removed from the wedding party. At this point, the sight of M makes him physically ill. Hopefully by October, he will be over this stage; I want him to have a good time at the wedding. I wouldn’t put it past M to make a scene or parade her boytoy in front of G. I have an inclination to simply disinvite her.
It hardly surprises me that my Future Mother-In-Law is reacting this way. She wouldn’t know what personal accountability was if it bit her in the ass and she’s the queen of victim-playing. M, being her daughter, learned from the best. Future Mother-In-Law has already pushed me out of their “family circle” because I don’t tolerate her shit and neither does my fiance. It makes her even more crazy and hateful to see her son sticking up for me instead of her.