Post # 201
I agree that nobody should be questioning your Fiance moral fiber. I’ve had friends/family do things I didn’t agree with and I just let them know my opinion and moved on. I did not disown them or write them off for making a mistake that has NO effect on my life whatsoever.
Not to thread jack, but I actually had a “friend” completely write me off for making one stupid mistake (not cheating or anything like that) that I made while I was under a lot of work/life stress and after having way too much to drink. You would think this friend would’ve told me off for my mistake but remained my friend (especially since I remained his friend after all the ratchet sh*t he’s done in his life including infecting sexual partners with an incurable STD) but nope. He used my ONE mistake to judge my entire character despite our history as friends. So yeah…I agree that some posters are taking it too far by accusing your Fiance of lacking morals.
Post # 202
As one who has been on the receiving end of such news, KEEP YOURSELF OUT OF IT. Her boyfriend should be the one to tell her. It’ll hurt her so much more if someone else tells her. The last thing you need is to involve yourself in all that drama.
Post # 203
I would tell. if someone knew this about me I would want to know. If I found out that they did know and didn’t tell me, I’d be furious with them. You asked this women to be a bridesmaid, the least you could do is show her some respect and tell her. You already said your fi wouldn’t be mad at you. Do you really want to say your vows standing between these two with this on your mind? You start your marriage surrounded by lies and deceit?
I would tell, your fi has arrays broken the trust of his bm by telling you so that deed is done, no changing it. And if your fi’s bm was a really good friend he wouldn’t ask him to keep this a secret. Also you mentioned other groomsmen. Who’s to say they wont stay anything.
Post # 205
Oh my goodness, your entire comment is FANTASTIC, but I just had to C&P this part for emphasis…
“Lastly, for all those comparing theft, rape and molestation to someone cheating on their partner with a consenting adult – SERIOUSLY? Not only is it a laughably hyperbolic argument that has no place here, but it is truly, TRULY insulting to anyone who has actually experienced those things. Believe it or not, infidelity is a personal matter and is not against the law, and all of your ivory tower nonsense isn’t going to make it so. I bet at least one of the PPs saying they wouldn’t tolerate a cheater in their social circle has one (or more) friend who has cheated. It’s not like people go around advertising it. They’re not sex offenders. Calm down. Also, any responsible adult gets regularly tested for STIs, especially if they’ve only been in a relationship for a few months. That’s called personal responsibility and, WORST CASE SCENARIO, if Bridesmaid or Best Man actually contracted a very dangerous STI, knew it, and passed it on to this girl without telling her he had it, that IS against the law so she can press charges if she likes.”
Post # 206
@MrsThomas789: Just for insight, in this active Wedding Bee poll, 82% of women would want to know if their fiancé was even texting another girl and pretending to be single- even though he had not yet cheated. http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/sticky-situation-with-an-engaged-man-tell-the-fiance/page/3?replies=109#post-5918519
It is alarmingly hypocritical and selfish that so many people would want to be tolTGIF their man considered cheated, yet so few would tell a friend that she was in fact cheated on.
Post # 207
I don’t get why so many people wouldn’t tell. It may not be the OP’s problem, but I feel as if telling the bridesmaid is doing her a favor. The infidelity on the best man’s part is a risk to the bridesmaid’s health, in addition to severely compromising their relationship.
However, OP should consult with her Fiance first, since she isn’t too close to the drama. Who cares if she looks like the “bad guy” for telling the truth? It’s not like OP is best friends with these people anyway…