(Closed) Best Man does not like me… AT ALL

posted 6 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 4
Member
989 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Does your Fiance even know what you supposedly said?  If so, he should share it with you.  If not, why isn’t he demanding to know? 

The whole thing sounds so overblown. 

Post # 6
Member
6019 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

My SO’s best friend and I have a very rocky history. We down right hated each other a few years back. I can say that in his case there was some jealousy on his part that I in a sense “took his friend away”. Im not saying this is the case for you but its possible and the whole thing about you saying something offensive about his music seems either cmopletely made up or just really silly to me. If I were you I would have really taken this up with my SO. I did take it up with my SO when it was his best friend that I was not getting along with. he talked badly about me too and my SO quickly set him straight and let him know that was disrespectful to not only me but to him as well because I was the woman he was in love with and i was also the mother of his son. I would not be ok with this friend of his being a part of our day. You cannot tellsomeone who to be friends with in general but a wedding is about both of you and about celebrating the committment you two are making to each other. I guess that is where I am different than you. It would really bother me to know that my SO was still so close with someone who would bad mouth me and who would not even try to be more mature about things. I understand the guy gets to choose his groosmen and they are supposed to be people who are closest to him, but they should also be people who are supportive of his relationship with you and it sounds to me like this is not the case. IMO he should have been sticking up for you long before it got to this point. It should be him who talks to his friend about letting go of this. Also, it really bothers me that you would say something like “let me know if there is anything I can do to make the day easier for you”. that is not your job. This day is about you and your Fiance. You are not required to do anything to make the day easier for him. You are much nicer gal than I for being as generous with this as you are.

Post # 6
Member
795 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013 - Four Rivers Environmental Center

I know how you feel. None of the people my Fiance are leaning towards to be on his side like me. I don’t know what it is, but they ignore me when I talk to them if we run into them, they don’t invite me to anything anymore ( they used to all the time ).

One of them was even once my best friend as well, and now NEITHER me or my Fiance talk to him… we had a bit of a falling out. But he still considers him the best friend he ever had. He randomly gets a call from him from time to time but ONLY wants my Fiance to be the one to catch up with him… and I would rather it be both of us if he is going to be in my wedding.
 

Post # 8
Member
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

My DH’s best man is also one of my best friends. He is getting married this August and I don’t like his Fiance. There’s nothing really that she’s done, she just rubs me the wrong way. I’m sure she knows how I feel about her, and my best friend definitely does. When he told me he was proposing my exact response was “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO” But as my Darling Husband reminds me, she makes HIM happy and no one is making me marry her, so why do I need to butt in. So I put on the smile and act friendly towards his Fiance because that’s what makes him happy and as his best friend that’s what I’m there for…NOT to make his life difficult. I would say the same advice to you. As his future wife and best friend the last thing he wants is for you and his other best friend to not get along.

Post # 9
Member
6019 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

@MrsHoneyC:  I dont think it was bad that you sent that email. I just think it was just too nice πŸ™  Im trying to understand why your Fiance would still be friends with someone like this. He doesnt seem to be a pleasant guy or a supportive friend or even a respectufl and reasonable individual. This is all based on what has been written so far so Im sure this is not a complete picture of him but so far I am just not understanding how this is the best firend your Fiance has. I am envious of your ability to be as passive and understanding as you have been. I am so far from that and would have made a huge deal out of my guy not standing up for me and allowing someone to treat me this way. I would never say “you cant be friends with him”, but I would for sure make it clear that if he had a problem saying something to his friend that he shouldnt be surprised when I do. So far it seems to me you have been really really calm and respectful in your attempts to make peace. At this point, since it seems to me its set in stone that this guy is not going to budge and he is going to be a part of your wedding day, I would make it clear that this day is not about him or catering to his childish ways. I would not even acknowledge his presence on that day and just enjoy all the happiness and love you two will be surrounded with. You have done all the right things it seems and so far nothing has made a difference so be content knowing you tried to make the effort and be a good person and let him continue on being a buttface.

Post # 11
Member
330 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

my Fi has an entire group of friends who dont like me….one of them will be in our wedding and he is the only one who is nice to me. I was pretty much best friends with one of the girls in the group and we had a falling out so they all hate me….also Fiance would not be friends with them at all if not for me as they were my friends initially……honestly I just ignore it….I know (or at least hope) if anything bad was to be said about me that my Fiance would stand up for me but the issue is so old now that it is irrellivant to anything…..

You are not alone…some people just do not get along

Post # 12
Member
6019 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

@MrsHoneyC:  No problem πŸ™‚

I didnt even think of the speeches! lol. I would hope that since he is your FI’s friend that he wouldnt do anything in front of both of your families to make either of you feel bad or embarrassed on that day. Now THat  would be reason for me to not want him in my life ever again lol. But lets hope he is at least mature enough to behave on the day of. Maybe your Fiance could really casually just let him know that if he does plan on giving a speech to make sure its light hearted and good natured given that both families will be there. Doesnt have to be some long heavy discussion just maybe a quick mention in passing once it gets closer to the day of. That is if its even a big enough worry for you to mention it at all.

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