Post # 17
This guy seems REALLY unreliable, flaky and a bit rude. I wouldn’t be as concerned if you had awhile until your wedding- but you don’t- your wedding is less than 3 months away. Is your Fiance as miffed about BM’s behavior as you are? I wouldn’t get involved if I were you, b/c then it will look like your Fiance can’t speak for himself and/or you’re a controlling b*tch. But if your Fiance is worried that Bridesmaid or Best Man will not fulfill his duties- or worse- won’t show up on your wedding day(!), then he needs to find a good Bridesmaid or Best Man who will take his role seriously and actually be there for your Fiance.
As far as the dinner plans, I would simply never invite them again. The fact that they stood you up without so much as a phone call apologizing or explaining why they didn’t show up- well, that would be the last dinner invite they would ever get from me.
Post # 18
@Bee Bee, yes the wedding is a big thing in life. I meant more of he will be there for the day of not the events leading up to the day. If Fiance is still upset he should talk with Bridesmaid or Best Man, if he can get ahold of him, to let him know that things aren’t working out. Unless Fiance does talk to him before the day of try to relax and take heart that you and your friends value friendship in a more special way.
Post # 19
I don’t think you need to be getting quite as upset as you seem to be getting. So what if the BM’s a flake? That’s not really going to matter too much as long as he gets his suit and shows up to the wedding. I think this is between your Fiance and his friend, and they should work it out themselves.
I didn’t really love my husband’s best man either. He was pretty much non-existent for everything, but I didn’t really care, and my husband didn’t seem to care either, so whatever. He didn’t even throw my husband a bachelor party. Oh well! We were able to get him to come down one weekend to buy suits, and then he showed up to the rehearsal dinner and the wedding, and that was it. He did give a toast, but he totally winged it, but whatever. He’s not my friend and now that the wedding’s over, he’s pretty much back out of our lives again. It was important for my husband to have his friend there, but other that that, the rest was just fluff.
Post # 20
I completey agree with Adira‘s first pragraph. 100%
Post # 21
I’d thing you should focus on what you control. This is between your Fiance and his friend. Stay out of it.
Post # 22
WOW. is your BM’s initials “J.S.”?
haha. just kidding. sounds a lot, though, like our groomsman. our wedding is in less than 2 weeks now and he JUST got his tux fitted on saturday…
they just had a baby in february, as well – lol. but yeah – I agree with everyone – and yes, this is coming from someone who – like yourself would LOVE to tell him off…it’s not our place. this is between your fiance and his friend.
I actually HAD my fiance do something like this last year – get “involved” with a then bridesmaid – who ended up not BEING a bridesmaid (although it’s for the better, but she is still invited/coming to the wedding)…but think about it – you’d be very upset if your Fiance got involved in your friendships, right?
Yes, it’s hard to keep quiet – especially when it DOES involve YOUR wedding as much as his – but he’s a grown man and he should take it up with Bridesmaid or Best Man, not you.
and i’m not trying to be snarky – just keepin’ it real as I feel like i’m in the same situation… 🙂
Post # 23
I’ve definitely been in your shoes and have refrained from intervening because it’s never really been my place. I think you should let it go (trust me, I know how hard that is!). There isn’t much you can do about his character, and you don’t want to cause a rift between your Fiance and ahole Bridesmaid or Best Man, right? If and when it gets to the breaking point, I’m sure your Fiance will handle it. In the meantime just be supportive and don’t get involved since it’s not necessary. Good luck!
Post # 24
He should be acting more like a best man.. Maybe Fiance should call him and ask if he still really wants to be the Bridesmaid or Best Man because being then Bridesmaid or Best Man includes responsibilities.