(Closed) Best Man memorial

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
5497 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2019 - Paris, France

@brittgrace13: OMG I am so so sorry for your loss and your FI’s loss 🙁 I would suggest maybe having his picture on a seat? That way your Fiance can leave a rose or something when he walks past… ALso say something about your FI’s brother being the best man and that title being reserved for him in your wedding program… also a write up on your website.. Maybe have the pastor mention him or have a reading done in his memory?

Post # 4
2190 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@brittgrace13: I don’t have anymore advice that what has already been posted but wanted to tell you I am soooo sorry!!!!

Post # 5
686 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I’m very sorry for your loss. Fiance lost his brother to suicide last September and it ate him and the rest of his family up inside. The best thing you can be at this point (in my experience) is supportive of everyone– make food when you go to your in-laws’ home, help clean-up, etc as well as taking care of your Fiance.

As far as ceremony remembrances, we talked about it when we were having the big wedding but since we’ve scaled it back to a small ceremony it really isn’t an issue. Things like keeping little trinkets of his with you/FI on the day is a lovely silent tribute (i.e., photos on your bouquet brooch). Meanwhile grand tributes like saving his seat, having a picture at the alter, etc. needs to be handled sooo delicately or it can really make your side of the family uncomfortable, and can make your wedding day just another day of mourning for his family.

Whatever you decide- good luck to you and your Fiance.

Post # 6
7172 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I went to a wedding recently where the groom lost his sister and both parents.  He lit a candle for each one of them.  Nothing was said as an explaination, but there was a line in the program alluding to it (something like:  remembrance candle lighting) or something to that effect.

I thought it was very well done – nothing over the top (since it’s not a memorial) but acknowledging the loss and their presence – as well as  partaking in the joyous occassion of the day.

I’m sorry you are going this and my condolences to you and FI’s family.  Do what feels right to you and Fiance…. that will be the best in the end.

Post # 7
2140 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010


I am SO sorry. We lost our best man/BIL a few short months after our wedding. There really are NO words to say right now. He was 35, really shocks you into just how short life is.

Knowing how our family has been trying to deal with the loss I opt for something behind the scenes. No speech or anything like that. I think a mention in the program, a seat for him, or a table with pictures will be the best way.

Please feel free to PM me if you need to chat with someone who has been in your shoes.

Again I’m so sorry for your husband’s loss and for yours as well.

My Brother-In-Law and I were very very close, the three of us were like the three amigos. Our lives will never be the same.

ETA: How will his folks react to this? I’m not sure my Mother-In-Law could have handled that four short months after his death. Even now.

Post # 8
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

First of all, so sorry for your loss…

As for ideas, I have seen the candle done really nicely.  One wedding I attended the girl had lost her sister, there was a candle up by the alter that she (or maybe the Mom) lit and was lit for the whole ceremony – as if her sister was next to her (which of course I believe she was in more ways than one).

My only other suggestion (because I feel the PP have hit the nail on the head with ideas) is to discuss this with the family.  As one PP said you would hate to do something that caused a breakdown by you Mother-In-Law, for example.  My grandpa passed just a year before my wedding and it is still very hard for my grandma to this day.  I discussed the mention in the program and also asked her for her thoughts on how I could incorporate him.  Even still, I forgot to mention that his name would be said in the prayers of the faithful…my mom mentioned that my grandma got choked up at that.  Just may help everyone be more comfortable if they are on board or at least aware of how he will be honored and remembered.

As PP mentioned, do what feels right and best for you and Fiance….

Post # 9
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2012 - Monte Verde Inn

I am so sad to hear this, so tragic. I like the idea of having a seat saved for him, as though he is there with you guys.

Post # 11
7605 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I’m so sorry to hear about this.  My only suggestion would be to not “replace” the position – like, not to put anyone else in as Best Man.  I think a PP already mentioned that, but I would definitely reserve the title just for him.

Post # 12
3871 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Oops, I see this is a duplicate thread.  I’m going to close this thread.  Please continue commenting on this original thread.



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