Post # 1
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
My fiancé picked his best man, a guy who’s been his best friend for the last 6 years. However, the best man is notoriously a big drinker, and is also known to have an obnoxious, offensive personality. He holds opinions that most would consider to be ignorant and rude, and he’s not shy at voicing his opinions, both sober and drunk. My fiancé typically ignores his best friends antics, which is fine in the right situations. And, as we’ve gotten engaged and started our life together, they’ve been spending a lot less time together because they have different goals and lifestyles. But, my fiancé still considers him to be his ‘best friend’. But here’s the thing- there have been a handful of situations where his best friend has been insulting and rude towards me, two times even yelling and cursing at me when he was unprovoked. He was drunk and angry. Granted, my fiancé confronted him each time. But I don’t think it’s a good idea at our wedding to have him give the best man speech. He’s a loose cannon and if anything is said or done that’s inappropriate, not only will I be angry but my entire family will be livid since they are paying for our day.
My fiancé thinks he will be fine because it’s a wedding and he’ll be well behaved. I personally don’t want to take what I see to be a huge risk. It’s been suggested that the best man and maid of honor give speeches at the rehearsal dinner and we let my brother and my fiancée sister give the toast at the wedding. This way, the best man can be rude at a time when it’s less of an issue and it wouldn’t ruin our special day and cause a huge family feud. While I understand that my fiancé doesn’t have control over another grown adult, he’s been warned enough that my family would still hold him responsible if his best man was super inappropriate at the wedding. However, my fiancé is upset that this situation is occurring and while he said it’s fine if his best man doesn’t give the toast at the wedding, I know it would really upset him. And I’m torn between caring that my fiancé is upset and not caring because he chooses crappy friends. What should I do? I don’t know if I’m overreacting or how to handle the situation?
Post # 2
Member
812 posts
Busy bee
I understand your concerns. How much time are you giving each person for their speeches. You could limit the time for the speeches if you feel like it would be an issue. Maybe your fiance could have a conversation with him prior to the wedding and let him know not to say anything out the way during his speech if you decide to let him give a speech at the wedding. It is his best friend regardless of the differences that they may have. He’s his best friend for a reason.
Post # 3
Member
77 posts
Worker bee
countrybride1208 : Your fiancé chose someone that has insulted you and swore at you to be his best man? I don’t think your problem is the speech.
Post # 4
Member
2035 posts
Buzzing bee
I guess I don’t really understand why your partner would want him being best man, not because of the fact he’s inappropriate but because of how he’s treated you. I think I would personally want someone there who didn’t respect my partner and me. Your partner isn’t responsible for his friends actions but he can turn around and say “you don’t get to treat my partner that way”. Yes he called him out on it but his friend has still shown a massive lack of respect for you and I think that would be something to consider on your wedding day.
Now, if he chooses him as his best man and his best man is inappropriate then it will only your day if you let it. You can’t control someone else and neither can your partner. So in that situation your family can not hold him responsible. It’s unfair and you need to make sure that your family don’t blame your partner. Which I think means you need to sit with your partner, express your concerns particularly with him insulting you and explain why it would be hard for you to back him on that. That would be really hard for me when his friend has insulted me.
Post # 5
Member
4823 posts
Honey bee
countrybride1208 : Your FI’s choice of friends will be an issue long after the wedding and speech is over. You might want to give that some thought.
Post # 6
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
loz24 : My family made it clear that they don’t want someone in the bridal party who will be drunk and disorderly, and they will not tolerate someone insulting me or making an inappropriate toast. That goes for him and my gals as well. Why they would hold my fiancé responsible is because he knows how his best friend is and allowed him to not only be in the wedding party but do the toast as well.
Post # 7
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
Astra : That is true, and I like all of his other friends. And he’s made a point to spend more time with them than his Bridesmaid or Best Man. Except for the wedding, then he wanted him a part of it.
Post # 8
Member
6624 posts
Bee Keeper
Well you can’t get rid of him now, though I agree with the ladies above as far as your fiancé’s choice of friends. However what’s done is done. Why not have him run his speech by the Maid/Matron of Honor beforehand to make sure it’s appropriate? And add a time limit so there’s no chance for ad lib. And have fiancé make very clear to him that any drunken inappropriate behavior and he’s out the door.
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