(Closed) BEST MAN not coming cause of controlling Wife!

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 32
Member
2347 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@jdeleon14255:  Though I understand you take chances with a Destination Wedding, I still think it sucks that they are tip toe-ing around it.  Just be honest and say you won’t come so you guys can move on and possibly appoint another best man. 

Sorry you’re going through this when you should be having the time of your life! 

Post # 37
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

How serious is her fear of flying? Maybe you don’t know and it’d be more than just “hard for her”.

I have a serious phobia of flying. You’d literally have to knock me unconscious and drag me onto the plane. Then when I came to, you’d have to clobber me again.

There is no way in hell I’d get on a plane. Not for a wedding or anything.

 

Post # 38
Member
2268 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@jdeleon14255:  Honestly, I wouldn’t want to take an 18 hour trip on 3 planes and a boat, either. There are a million unknown factors here. If they are planning on trying to conceive, maybe they don’t want to purchase plane tickets in the event that she becomes pregnant. I wouldn’t want to be pregnant and on such a long trip. 

Also, even if they aren’t saying it, perhaps they really would feel horribly about accepting someone elses money for the trip. 

If this thread is about you feeling slighted that they aren’t attending your Destination Wedding, I wouldn’t sweat it. There are plenty of reasons people do not want to attend DWs. If this thread is about your SIL being racist, that’s sort of another story entirely. The racism isn’t at all acceptable. 

Post # 41
Member
5423 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2012

Without getting into it too much.  Some people and Destination Wedding just dont mesh.  You can say and think what you want but nothing is going to change that.  I had a Destination Wedding myself and dealt with travel drama like most Destination Wedding brides.

Post # 43
Member
951 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@jdeleon14255:  If your future brother-in-law says that to his wife then I hope she slaps him across the face. That’s probably why he doesn’t want to go anyway without her, because it would be extremely rude to his wife.

That said, I see how you and your fiance are frustrated about this. However, that’s part of having a destination wedding. You have to accept that not everyone you want there will be able to make it and it’s not your place to question why people cannot or don’t want to take a long flight and stay in a foreign country.

Post # 45
Member
1646 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@jdeleon14255:  Maybe you guys could offer to take his side out for a celebratory dinner when you get back – like his Grandparents, brother, and SIL? It wouldn’t be as much as a second reception and you would still be able to celebrate with them.

I’m sorry this is bothering you. Is it possible that they feel guilty for deciding not to go and thats why they keep mentioning it?

Maybe your best option is to talk with Fiance and see if he would be willing to sit down with them and explain that you both completely understand if they can’t attend, that you both still love them very much, and would love to celebrate everything with a dinner after you get back.

Then you guys need to try not to respond to any further attempts to bring the topic up. Future Mother-In-Law also needs to stop mentioning it to you guys when they bring it up with her too.

And those racist comments? Someone needs to shut those down asap. That isn’t cool at all.

Post # 46
Member
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@ieatunicorns:  +1

 

 

@jdeleon14255:  

I wouldn’t go to my brother’s wedding if it were in the phillipines. And I wouldn’t be mad at my brother about it, unless he was trying to make me feel guilty about being unable to go. That’s just what happens with Destination Wedding, and I can’t tell who you’re mad at anymore but it sounds like you and your fiance are having high expectations and need to have more understanding. my understanding is that it is pretty common knowledge that having a Destination Wedding will drastically cut your guest list, sometimes that includes immediate family with a fear of flight who is TTC. It is not your place to say whether or not they have a good reason not to go, your place is to be gracious and understanding, no matter what they decide, since you have put them in this position. They are your family now too, don’t start off on the wrong foot by sticking your nose in their marriage and accusing them of being racist.  

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