(Closed) BEST MAN not coming cause of controlling Wife!

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 77
Member
537 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

jdeleon14255Actually, you have completely missed my point. I never said you were expecting them to come. I have read your replies, and I understand that you want to have the Destination Wedding, regardless of his family’s attendance. Where you want to get married IS only your business, and I (like all the other PPs) agree with you; there’s absolutely nothing wrong with having whatever kind of wedding you want, wherever you want it. 

By “drama”, I meant that it seems like you’re making everything into a bigger deal than it needs to be. It makes no sense that your FI’s family would think that canceling the (now unnecessary) UK ceremony is an offense to them personally, and if they honestly do think that way, it’s not your responsibility to coddle them in to thinking rationally.

Why does there have to be the “family meetings”, the indirect conversations, the talking behind peoples’ backs? Why can you and your Fiance not engage his family in a conversation along the lines of “Family, we’re doing the wedding this way and will not be making any further changes to our plans. We understand and accept your decision not to attend, so let’s all move on.” 

The End.

(Love.)

Post # 79
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee

@jdeleon14255:  No problem! I’m kind of a people pleaser myself. My Maid/Matron of Honor was very supportive of me and even created a folder of my ideas so whenever someone tried to talk me into something she could show it to me and redirect me to MY ideas (of course my Darling Husband had input too and I was open to hearing from others).

 

Post # 80
Member
2091 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@j_jaye:  I think the OP knows if someone was talking about her race and making racist and stereotypical remarks. You were not there, and you did not hear what was said. She does not have to like this woman, simply because she is married to her Future Brother-In-Law. IF she is upset about the situation, she is upset. She says that she wants them to just be honest about not going, rather than talking negatively about their choice for the wedding all the time. No one likes to be criticized. That couple has never been there before, and no matter how much people research a place, there is no way to know about a place except to visit. 

Post # 81
Member
2091 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Please don’t let anyone ruin your special day. If some people cannot attend, oh well (it is their loss). If the Future Brother-In-Law is too weak-willed to miss his brother’s wedding to appease his wife, then that is on him. He does not have to bring his wife, he could bring the son and call it a day. Don’t make their problems your problem. Enjoy your wedding planning and day. Don’t discuss the wedding with them, and when they bring it up, say “we are not discussing the wedding any further.” You and your Fiance should do what you wish.

Sometimes you HAVE to check people. When the racist comments were originally said, you bit your tounge hoping it would stop. It has not stopped; when you hear these remarks, shut your Future Brother-In-Law or whoever else DOWN. They may not like it, but they will have to respect you and cut that crap out at least when you are around. I hope your Fiance is also shutting him or anyone else down when they do that mess in front of him.  Make sure to take plenty of pictures of the wedding so these people will regret not attending when they look at all the fun you had! Good luck!

Post # 82
Member
841 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@jdeleon14255:  I wouldn’t want to fly 18 hours for a wedding. It would be hugely expensive (even if you claim money isn’t an issue – I’d feel weird having my parents pay for it like his have offered), and probably not the vacation they want. If they’re coming to the British ceremony then it’s not really an issue if they don’t come to the other one.

I don’t see how this is all about your Future Sister-In-Law – seems like your Future Brother-In-Law doesn’t want to go either. It’s not exactly “selfish” (like one of your tags says) to skip a huge trip like that.

Post # 84
Member
740 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@jdeleon14255:  

i think thesis something you should just let Fiance sort out with his bro, it’s his family so he needs to  sort out the dynamics.

i don’t understand why they’re being so up and down about their intentions, if they don’t want to / can’t go they should just say and be done with it!

we got flack for daring to have our wedding “too near to central London” where the praking is limited! boo oho what a shame we dared to venture outside the usual haunts for wedding venues where there’s ample parking.

you can’t please everyone and it’s nice that you will have family do in the UK which will be nice

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