Post # 77
jdeleon14255: Actually, you have completely missed my point. I never said you were expecting them to come. I have read your replies, and I understand that you want to have the Destination Wedding, regardless of his family’s attendance. Where you want to get married IS only your business, and I (like all the other PPs) agree with you; there’s absolutely nothing wrong with having whatever kind of wedding you want, wherever you want it.
By “drama”, I meant that it seems like you’re making everything into a bigger deal than it needs to be. It makes no sense that your FI’s family would think that canceling the (now unnecessary) UK ceremony is an offense to them personally, and if they honestly do think that way, it’s not your responsibility to coddle them in to thinking rationally.
Why does there have to be the “family meetings”, the indirect conversations, the talking behind peoples’ backs? Why can you and your Fiance not engage his family in a conversation along the lines of “Family, we’re doing the wedding this way and will not be making any further changes to our plans. We understand and accept your decision not to attend, so let’s all move on.”
Post # 78
- Wedding: April 2015 - Shangri La Boracay and Spa Hotel
@Hausfrau: Everything you mentioned is right.
My fustration to it all is this, I suggested to my Fiance to tell them ‘look were getting married there end of’ then a big debate from their side as to WHY not have it here. the parents dont take sides and they just sit there and listen, simply because they dont want to feel like they are either on OUR side or the brothers.
What you said to me;
It makes no sense that your FI’s family would think that canceling the (now unnecessary) UK ceremony is an offense to them personally, and if they honestly do think that way – I agree. but this is what was told to Future Mother-In-Law by Future Brother-In-Law that we are just trying to make it harder for them and that they WILL have to fly now.. but its not like that. we are coming across to them that w are selfish CAUSE we want it abroad and seems like to them that we dont want family to attend.
Future Mother-In-Law had to get involved as one day we all had a family lunch, talks of the wedding crept up again although it was just about what dress and what type of suit my Fiance wiill have as its on the beach.. Future Brother-In-Law said to myFI ‘linen suits dont really look traditional doesnt make you look like your getting married’ anyway…….. we just agreed.
We left that lunch time before SIL and Future Brother-In-Law did and that evening we got a phone call from the mum to say how she hopes were not going to be failling out as a family.. talks obviously took places as we left the house… We always keep our mouths shut and we always nod our heads and agree but for the first time ove boxing day my Fiance had to put his foot down. You would then think it was all understood and left as that…. errrrm no… now the Father-In-Law is goint to have to break the new to the brother that it is final ‘they are getting married in philppines’
Post # 79
@jdeleon14255: No problem! I’m kind of a people pleaser myself. My Maid/Matron of Honor was very supportive of me and even created a folder of my ideas so whenever someone tried to talk me into something she could show it to me and redirect me to MY ideas (of course my Darling Husband had input too and I was open to hearing from others).
Post # 80
@j_jaye: I think the OP knows if someone was talking about her race and making racist and stereotypical remarks. You were not there, and you did not hear what was said. She does not have to like this woman, simply because she is married to her Future Brother-In-Law. IF she is upset about the situation, she is upset. She says that she wants them to just be honest about not going, rather than talking negatively about their choice for the wedding all the time. No one likes to be criticized. That couple has never been there before, and no matter how much people research a place, there is no way to know about a place except to visit.
Post # 81
Please don’t let anyone ruin your special day. If some people cannot attend, oh well (it is their loss). If the Future Brother-In-Law is too weak-willed to miss his brother’s wedding to appease his wife, then that is on him. He does not have to bring his wife, he could bring the son and call it a day. Don’t make their problems your problem. Enjoy your wedding planning and day. Don’t discuss the wedding with them, and when they bring it up, say “we are not discussing the wedding any further.” You and your Fiance should do what you wish.
Sometimes you HAVE to check people. When the racist comments were originally said, you bit your tounge hoping it would stop. It has not stopped; when you hear these remarks, shut your Future Brother-In-Law or whoever else DOWN. They may not like it, but they will have to respect you and cut that crap out at least when you are around. I hope your Fiance is also shutting him or anyone else down when they do that mess in front of him. Make sure to take plenty of pictures of the wedding so these people will regret not attending when they look at all the fun you had! Good luck!
Post # 82
@jdeleon14255: I wouldn’t want to fly 18 hours for a wedding. It would be hugely expensive (even if you claim money isn’t an issue – I’d feel weird having my parents pay for it like his have offered), and probably not the vacation they want. If they’re coming to the British ceremony then it’s not really an issue if they don’t come to the other one.
I don’t see how this is all about your Future Sister-In-Law – seems like your Future Brother-In-Law doesn’t want to go either. It’s not exactly “selfish” (like one of your tags says) to skip a huge trip like that.
Post # 83
- Wedding: April 2015 - Shangri La Boracay and Spa Hotel
@SummerOfLove: hmm again another one that hasnt read the other reples.. im done trying to make people see what I am trying to say . deep down he WANTS to come… but he CANT.
We even asked their permission if its ok and they said ‘ yea we will be there’ now its time they are just backing out .. but again i cant be bothered to explain what I mean
Post # 84
i think thesis something you should just let Fiance sort out with his bro, it’s his family so he needs to sort out the dynamics.
i don’t understand why they’re being so up and down about their intentions, if they don’t want to / can’t go they should just say and be done with it!
we got flack for daring to have our wedding “too near to central London” where the praking is limited! boo oho what a shame we dared to venture outside the usual haunts for wedding venues where there’s ample parking.
you can’t please everyone and it’s nice that you will have family do in the UK which will be nice