(Closed) Best man take FI to a surprise bachelor party in EU 'capital of Sex'

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: What should I do?
    Message Mr best man and gently remind him 'no stripper' : (12 votes)
    35 %
    Say nothing, one message was enough : (19 votes)
    56 %
    Other (explain) : (3 votes)
    9 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2516 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    if your FI isn’t interested in that type of party and his friends are planning on that type of party, then he can get up and leave. just because it’s his bachelor party, doesn’t mean he has to stick around if it’s something he told his friends he didn’t want. it would be really disrespectful of his friends to do that to him. it sounds like your FI really loves and respects you so even if his friends take him to see strippers, he’s not going to do anything with them (but hopefully he would leave and tell his friends he’s not ok with it).

    Post # 4
    Member
    458 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    Yeah, I don’t know why he’s asking YOU to tell his friend “no strippers”.  He should be able to stand up to them, now and when it’s happening.  If you trust him to walk away, I would just let it go.  The friend might even be planning E Europe as an act of rebellion since you’re the one who asked him, he might think it’s all your opinion and not FI’s.

    Post # 5
    Member
    2782 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @mousewife:  You don’t trust your FI. You claim to but if you truly did then him being in a place known for sex weekends for a bachelor party wouldn’t bother you. Just because this place is the ‘sex capital’ or whatever does not mean the weekend will include strippers or anything sexual.  If you trust him, then trust that he is a grown man and can make decisions and keep to agreements you already made together. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    724 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    You shouldn’t have been the one to message the best man in the first place! That is your fiance’s responsibility.
    Tell your fiance clearly and calmly that if there is any contact with a stripper, the wedding is off.
    Voila! Now it is no longer your problem and you can quit worrying. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    9686 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    @mousewife:  I think if you are not comfortable with it (and he doesn’t sound like he is either), then it shouldn’t be happening. I will not argue for or against bachelor parties because that is a hot button issue. However, I think both parties need to be in agreement about the decision, whatever the decision may be. And if someone isn’t comfortable, that should take priority. I would think your future husband/wife would be more important than strippers.

    Post # 8
    Member
    8371 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2013

    your FI should be discussing this with his Best Man telling him stripper places are off the table for planning.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1328 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    Your FI needs to talk to his friend.  Since you were the one that told him about no strippers he likely thinks that it’s all your idea and your FI would still like the idea.  Trying to give you FI a fun surprise and keep it secret from you.  If your FI is the one that talks to him the friend should realize that he really doesn’t want that kind of party.

    Post # 10
    Member
    453 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    Are you talking about Prague? Budapest? Kiev?

    The first two destinations have, of course, much more going for them besides sex tourism. Don’t know about the third.

    But this whole scenario has a really slimy feel to it. That “best man” sounds like a major creep and your FI sounds amazingly weak-assed, asking you to talk to his misguided best man?

    Yuck, yuck, yuck. I feel for you.

    Post # 11
    Member
    8466 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    @mousewife:  *HUGS* Sorry you’re in this position.  I think you have every right to voice your disapproval (assuming you and your FI agree on this), it’s better to say something now than to regret not saying something later.  Best of luck!

    Post # 12
    Member
    77 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    what I don’t really understand is why your FI would ask you to talk to the Best Man instead… Is he trying to appear cool with it and make YOU the crazy person??  It really should have been his responsibility to outline what he is not comfortable with… It just shows maturity…

    Anyway, you clearly are in a sticky situation.  I think you should talk to your FI about it and make it clear that (if you’re that uncomfortable with it) it is NOT OKAY to have him participate in any stripper-realted activities… He can choose to walk away from it if his friends are being roundy-bunch… Even though I get it if some people think you’re being close-minded and do not trust your FH enough to let him have fun with that, I understand your point of view and see that both the Best Man and your FI are being pretty disrespectful to your wishes… If your FI would not be okay with you having stripper and going to East Europe neither then you should expect the same level of respect from him…

    I hope your FI truly cares and would refrain from being influenced by his friends but it seems like he’s just going with the flow and enjoy this whole stripper-full bachelor party and let you look like a crazy-jealous fiance’ in his friends’ eyes and let his friends look like a bunch of roundy guys who don’t know how to listen in your eyes… win-win for your FI?

    Post # 13
    Member
    11754 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I don’t see what the big deal is. If your FI goes and theres strippers on the agenda, he can not partake. It sucks if his friends don’t listen to what he wants to do, but he’s an adult and can make those decisions for himself.  The fact he wanted you to tell his friends no strippers is very telling. Sounds like he wants you to tbe the bad guy and doesn’t have the balls to look like a “pussy” in front of his friends.

    Post # 14
    Member
    8870 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    I agree with everyone else.  Why are you the one “gently” giving notice to the friend?!?!  YOU are not the one who should be communicating this at all.    If FI really is on the same page as you then he’s the one who should be making it  clear that he will not be a part of anything that involves strippers.

      Only thing I can think of is that FI did ask, but if the friends know it’s coming from you directly  they are less likely to disrespect his request.  Under the circumstances,  I would feel comfortable telling FI that you won’t spill ALL  the beans but from what you know at least one of your (his and your) requests has been ignored. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    9553 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I’m not sure where, exactly, you’re talking about, but I was in Eastern Europe last summer and there is plenty to do beyond strippers. So I wouldn’t worry about the location or what happens to come up in a google search. Just make sure your fiance knows that strippers are not allowed and leave it at that. After that it’s his responsibility. And don’t worry yourself while he’s away!

    Post # 16
    Member
    7771 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Your SO said that you are the one that doesn’t want strippers?  That would make me uncomfy.  I would want HIM to stand up to his friends and say HE won’t tolerate them.  Bummers.

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