(Closed) Best man wants to bring a guy friend as date

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Whether it’s a girl that doesn’t know anyone or a guy that doesn’t know anyone, it doesn’t change much. The bridal party should always get a +1, in my opinion.

Post # 4
Member
998 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I wouldn’t have a problem with bringing a date, but I think that since the best man IS family that the friend will actually end up being bored. I don’t think your BIL realizes how him involved he really will be since he is immediate family. My opinion is tell him no

Post # 5
Member
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

If you feel like you can’t say no, you could say yes, but express to him all of those concerns – “won’t your friend be bored?” “he won’t get to sit with you for the majority of the time – I’m not sure it would be worth it for him to come” – perhaps something like that, and maybe he will decide against it on his own…

Post # 6
Member
12976 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think it’s kind of weird.  But if you can spare the cost and space, it’s not the end of the world.  If you don’t want to pay it though (or can’t), there’s nothing wrong with saying that he can’t bring a friend to your wedding.

 

Post # 7
Member
696 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I agree it does seem pretty immature of him to need a friend there to keep from being bored, but in the end, I would just give him the plus one to bring whoever he wants to and it is not your problem if the friend is bored.

Post # 9
Member
2961 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I personally would not have a problem with it. Then again, I do have several family members and friends who are gay – which is what most folks will assume – and there is nothing wrong with that.

Post # 10
Member
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

Did he get a plus one on his invite?  If not, then I would say no.  Why would you want to entertain (i.e. pay for) some random person at your wedding?  I guess the key question is whether you would say yes if his friend was of the girlfriend variety.  I don’t know that the bridal party automatically gets a plus one.  I know that when my friend served as a groomsman for his sister’s wedding he did not get a plus one because he didn’t have a girlfriend at the time.  He didn’t seem like he was bored at his sister’s wedding at all.

P.S. Is his “friend” really a boyfriend?  That would change my opinion only if you are allowing plus ones for significant others and not allowing him to bring the guy is some sort of comment on their relationship.

Post # 11
Member
790 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

There was another post similar to this recently, where I think the groom’s brother and sister-in-law wanted to bring another (uninvited) married couple as their guests. That was a real head scratcher. With your FI’s brother it’s a little more undestandable since he’s single, but I still think it’s an odd idea for the reasons you pointed out. When I was that age and single and attending family weddings, I never thought, gee I’d really have more fun if I could bring a friend who won’t know anyone but me! I can’t even imagine why the +1 would want to attend the wedding.

I have a single (female) friend who’s bringing a (female) friend of hers to my wedding, but a) she will only know a couple of people at the wedding, b) she has to travel to the wedding and c) she recently went through a very tough breakup and I was planning to invite her ex, so I told her she was welcome to bring anyone she wanted. So I have no problem with the general idea but in this case it seems pretty strange.

Edit: I also wondered whether it’s possible the friend is really a boyfriend.

Post # 12
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I don’t think it’s weird for a 20-year-old to want to bring a pal to the wedding; these are your friends, not his, and while he will know lots of the family members, no 20-year-old wants to hang out with mom and grandma on a Saturday evening. It’s just not their idea of fun. I’d allow him to bring his pal, and seat the pal with the rest of the bridal party for dinner (you should seat ALL of the dates of the bridal party with the bridal party, period). Also maybe find something for the friend to do, like help as an usher.  Truth be told, once the ceremony is done and the photos are finished, the best man doesn’t have any responsibilites or stuff to do (except if he’s making a toast but that’s what, 2 minutes?) so it’s not like the friend will be left drifting all alone.  Also if you let your best man know that you might put his friend to work, it’s really nice to have an extra set of hands that isn’t in the bridal party.

Post # 14
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

This is the reason why I don’t like headtables when the bridal party member and their date are split up for dinner.

Let him bring a date. I’m allowing my friend, who isnt in the wedding party, to bring a girl friend because she isnt currently dating anyone. She’ll know other people there, but who wants to travel alone to a wedding when you can bring a friend?

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