Post # 1
So my fiancé’s bachelor party is approaching and I am still trying to forgive the Best Man, here’s some backstory..
The best mannsent me a message a few months ago and basically wanted to give men the layout of what he was planning for the bachelor. Which I did not ask him to do, he wanted to do it because a year prior my fiancé gave him some suggestions on what to do and requested no strippers, dancers or heavy drinking. My fiancé is very laid back and loves baseball so he suggested going to a stadium he hadn’t been to yet to catch a game and make a day trip. Anyways fast forward to the message, the best man tells me that he is planning a three day trip for the bachelor party in Lake George. He rented a cabin and got a yacht, he also tells me that he asked some of his girlfriends to wear barmaids outfits to fetch them drinks on the boat and that these girls would be spending the night at the cabin, he also said he asked a girl physician friend of his to stop by and teach the groomsmen and the groom how to perform oral sex. Obviously I was furious because this is NOT what we discussed a year prior. Not only that but he made all the payments to these extravagant activities and then expected all the groomsmen to just pay him back without discussing what they were willing to pay, super rude.
I struggled with what to do so I had told a groomsmen who was just as angry as I was and agreed that this sounded like a party for the best man and not my fiancé. So we both decided to tell my fiancé the key parts that were upsetting the most and my fiancé talked to the best man who has now claimed to have taken care of it. But I don’t trust him now at all.
I know he’s the best man and my fiancé’s best friend but I am still furious and the wedding is very soon. I have no idea how I’ll even be in the same room with him. He ever even reached out to apologize or admitted that he was being arrogant rude and disrespectful. What should I do about this?
Post # 2
I don’t think there is much you can do at this point other than trust your fiance and the other guys to stand up for themselves if the best man tries to push things that tehy are not interested in.
Are they still doing the cabin? Or did they go back to doing a day trip thing? If the former, yeah, I wouldn’t be surprised if the best man is full of shit about cancelling the parts that were bothering you and the other guys – so trust your man to speak up about it if that ends up being the case. But if the plan reverted to a day trip I’d assume he got the message loud and clear.
Post # 3
He doesn’t sound like much of a best friend if he already knew what your Fiance wanted for his party, and did the complete opposite. Having woman dress as maids to fetch drinks? Teaching oral sex? WTF. He sounds like a complete ass. This is your husband’s situation to fix though. He needs to stand up and make sure the party is what he wants or no party at all.
Post # 4
celestialsteed : he asked some of his girlfriends to wear barmaids outfits to fetch them drinks on the boat and that these girls would be spending the night at the cabin, he also said he asked a girl physician friend of his to stop by and teach the groomsmen and the groom how to perform oral sex.
Uhhhhh what. Did the best man just turn 12? This is possibly the creepiest, trashiest thing I’ve ever heard of! What kind of “girlfriends” would even agree to be objectified like that for a day? I don’t mean to jump to conclusions, but are these “friends” of his actually total strangers who are being paid for their…professionalism? I literally cannot think of one guy who would even have the audacity to ask actual friends of his to do this, let alone even some random woman, unless they were advertising it first? You have every right to be seriously, SERIOUSLY concerned. Your feelings about this matter; do not let the best man or anyone else bully you into accepting this disgusting, disrespectful idea of a “party”. Frankly, I would ask my fiance not to allow this guy to throw him a party at all; let him go have his actual chill bachelor party with his grown-up friends.
ETA: Thought about this some more: What exactly is this “girl physician friend” of his planning to use to teach them the ways of oral? A medical female anatomy display from her physician’s practice? A pocket pussy? One of the other “friend’s” vaginas? Ewwwwww I can’t get over this lol, just EW!
Post # 5
Sexist Trash. You have a fiance problem if this guy is his BEST friend.
Post # 6
nicole1121 : Yeah that threw me as well! Really?? Regular ol’ girl friends all agreed to dress up sexy and serve drinks all night? Bullshit. And female friend who is an actual Dr.? Nope. She’s either hard up for cash from paying for med school and agreed to do something ridiculous for $$ or she is not a friend at all but a rando found online somewhere that is most certainly not a doctor..
Post # 7
sboom : Theybare still doing the cabin, the crazy part about all of it is that my fiancé literally hates nature. He doesn’t like doing outdoor activities like hiking, canoeing, fishing or any of that so I really have no idea why he picked this trip. Which is another reason to the long list of reasons why I was furious. How do you plan a party for your best friend and make it everything he hates?
Post # 8
Cabin? Fun. Yacht? Super fun.
Buck stops there! The rest of the trip sounds super gross.
Post # 9
nicole1121 : trust me I had the same thoughts. When I told the groomsmen he told me that none of the groomsmen were even involved in the planning and they wanted to be this guy just wanted all the glory of planning this “amazing” bachelor party. I wouldn’t be surprised that the type of friends he had would volunteer to do it, he’s one of those guys that always has a story to tell about some female. He’s a gossip and hipster trash.
Post # 10
duchessgummybunns : I get from the post how it may seem my fiancé would be a problem but apparently this friend wasn’t always like this and my fiancé is one of the sweet types who has a hard time standing up to people. That’s why I put my foot down on this and told my fiancé about it, I’m trusting that the best man realizes he hurt his best friends feelings and canceled the festivities and found other things but I have one of the groomsmen who is on our side and would let me know if the best manntries some shit again.
Post # 11
annabeth929 : I agree. I don’t think he’s been a good friend to my fiancé but they grew up together and my fiancé loves him like a brother. Another reason why Inhate this guy for taking advantage of his niceness and ability to forgive. I sometimes wish I can forgive as easily as he can but on this I can’t even say this guys name anymore without seeing red. Have no clue what to do
Post # 12
Probably going to be the unpopular opinion here- but I doubt he meant to offend you. He clearly planned the party how he would have wanted for himself and people sometimes do that by nature.
My fiance had his bachelor party the other weekend and his friends planned something that was not at all what my he would have chosen for himself which included a 5 day trip to a lake house and hiring private strippers that did some real nasty shit. Fiance didn’t know about the strippers till they literally showed up, so he went along with some of it then excused himself for some of the more XXX rated stuff.
When my fiance got back he said that the party was more for the guys (all but one were single) and not for him. I wasn’t thrilled about the private strippers, although I don’t really mind them but I knew the friend didn’t arrange for them with the idea being to ruin our relationship or disrespect me.
Sure, it’s all pretty gross but honestly I don’t think guys always think about how offensive some of this stuff is, they get these crazy elaborate ideas about how bachelor parties should be and try to make it happen.
It sounds like the friend has agreed to get rid of the girls/sex doctor (weird) and have are a regular guys weekend, I don’t see why there should be a problem unless he goes back on his word and you find out the girls were in fact there.
Again, I’m sure most won’t agree with me here but just thought I’d offer a different perspective.
Post # 13
Oh man I feel you lol. One of my husband’s groomsman was insistent that they go to strip clubs or get private dancers and when my husband protested he literally said “This isn’t about you man!” He genuinely believed it was about his single guy friends that needed an excuse for a blowout with a bunch of strippers. I’m pretty sure he would have sneakily tricked my husband into going if he hadn’t asked me to do ours together so he could avoid it.
But I’d try not to let it bother you too much. I wouldn’t take it as an attack against you, it’s more that he’s a douche bag and not a very considerate friend since he didn’t take into consideration what your fiance would actually want to do.
Post # 14
I’d be the bitch wife and put a stop to it. I really wouldn’t care what any of them thought of me.
You had somewhat of a plan that you had discussed, this is a total 180 from that. That’s called a bait and switch. And I said “fuck that”. Either no party. Or someone else plans it and Bridesmaid or Best Man isn’t included, because he sounds like an immature child anyway. Why is your Fiance even friends with him?
Post # 15
celestialsteed : I wouldn’t be surprised that the type of friends he had would volunteer to do it, he’s one of those guys that always has a story to tell about some female
Well the only way I see this scenario ever happening, is if this guy friends all work in the adult industry as sex workers or if your fiancé’s best friend is Charlie Sheen!!
Also no real doctor is going to ever degrade their career and the amount of hard work and study to attain those qualifications and pretend to give lessons on oral sex at a bachelor party. I think they purchased their medical kit in aisle six, next to the naughty nurse outfits…😔