Post # 31
If you assumed your kids where invited and never asked him straightly if they were, or give him any hint that you were taking them to his wedding; then I am sorry but you are at fault here.
If you did lt him know your kids were going to be at the wedding, and he had no objections to it; then you should be able to speak with your 40 years friend and be honest about how he misinformed you and how you ended up making plans which include your kids and can not be undone. You don’t need to blame him, but at 40 years of friendship I would think you have the confidence to be clear with him about the situation he put you in.
As for the kids…maybe they could have a sleepover in a friend’s house? Or you could hire a nanny to take care of them at the hotel (I know some places offer that service)?
Do keep in mind that backind down from Bridesmaid or Best Man could take a toll in your friendship with him.
Post # 32
I fully agree. I think the main issue is the fact that the OP feels slighted (even if that wasn’t the original intention). Unless the groom said specifically “your children are NOT invited” he does hold responsibility.
And as a sidenote, and it’s just an opinion, with it being the grooms second wedding and the brides 3rd, it does sound like it is ALL family except the Bridesmaid or Best Man and that his kids are the only ones not invited, which, etiquette or not, I don’t think is ok (to invite the children of everyone except one person). I don’t know if that is the case, I just added an opinion.
And where is everyone getting the ending the friendship over it? He said he could step down. If that ended the friendship, it’s on the groom, not OP.
I still think that it ended up being the bride saying the kids weren’t invited and the groom just went along with it, and I don’t even know the people. Just enough noticing people and their actions.
Post # 33
Wait, so it’s not a child-free wedding, but he’s specifically excluding your kids? Yeeeah, that’s pretty rude. You would be justified in stepping down as best man, if that’s what you feel most comfortable with. If you are best friends with this person, though, hopefully you should be able to have an honest, respectful conversation with him about it–you can tell him why it offends you, and if (big if) he has a good reason for excluding your kids (although I can’t really imagine what that could be, if he’s including other kids), he can explain it to you.
Post # 34
My 2 cents…I think you’re over-reacting. There was a miscommunication. You assumed your children were invited and he didn’t clarify when you asked about the hotel and whether it was child-friendly. If you want to step down then do so now instead of waiting. I think a bride and groom can invite whomever they choose and draw the line anywhere. Having said that, I also think a 15 and 11 year old are old enough to stay at the hotel alone and watch movies/order room service for a few hours.
Post # 35
I’d just leave them at the hotel. At 11 and 15, both children are perfectly capable of being alone for a few hours.
Post # 36
Except that’s not what OP said. Immediate family children are included as well as the children of six other couples. OP has not to this point divulged the nature of those six other relationships. My guess is they are family, for example, cousin’s children. Once again, if so, there is absolutely not one thing in the world wrong with drawing the line there.
Weddings do not have to be all or no children. Like adults, they can be invited according to category.
Post # 37
The other kids invited could be like babies who need nursing. A bit different than a 15 year old.