(Closed) Best tactics for rsvp cards to clarify who's invited/attending/declining?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Which do you recommend (select all your recs):
    "We have reserved __ seat(s) in your honor." : (23 votes)
    25 %
    "__ of # will attend." : (10 votes)
    11 %
    List invitees' names on inner envelope or belly band : (20 votes)
    22 %
    List invitees' names and "_ will attend" and "_ will not attend" by each name : (14 votes)
    15 %
    Use website rsvp that limits rsvps to invited guests only : (11 votes)
    12 %
    other idea described below : (1 votes)
    1 %
    you're screwed regardless, ppl don't read : (12 votes)
    13 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    9955 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Hi @Shkragoldfish: 

    Once upon a time Brides didn’t have to resort to all this extra work, BECAUSE Adults KNEW and understood an Invitation as it was written

    Sadly that doesn’t seem to be the case any more…

    So of your list, my personal faves these days are:

    1- Address the Outside Envelope in general terms

    (ie Mr & Mrs John Jones & Family)

    2- Address the Inner Envelope in specific terms

    (ie John & Joan, John Jr, Jack, Jill )

    3- Have the # of seats designation on the RSVP Reply Card

    (ie 5 Seats are reserved in your honor)

    4- Having a Wedding Website and Electronic Reply can take “some” of the guesswork out of the mix… but not if folks elect to send SUBSTITIONS which seems to be a growing train of thought.

    Ugggh.

    Honestly, good luck is all I can wish you… because the whole Invite & RSVP Reply Cycle is the most difficult part of Wedding Planning IMO

    Hope this helps,

     

    Post # 4
    Member
    905 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    We’re going with writing the specific invitees on the inner envelope AND having a “# of seats have been reserved in your honor.”  We want to be  perfectly clear as to WHO and HOW MANY. Here’s the mock up we did yesterday. (I know the RSVP line is missing accents–we’re still tweaking things.)

    Post # 5
    Member
    1399 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    We listed people’s names on the outer envelope. RSVPs said “Maria Lucia Hernandez ____ joyfully accepts _____ regretfully declines”

    Post # 6
    Member
    1408 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @Shkragoldfish:  We did “we have reserved 2 seats in your honor”. Everyone invited to our wedding got a +1 but we don’t want children to attend. Not all of our friends are in relationships – to be honest, some are just bringing friends, so we left 2 lines for them to fill in their names. It was the nicest way of “hey, your kids arent invited” because we all know not everyone looks at who the invitation is addressed to 🙂

    Post # 7
    Member
    1408 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

     

    Here is ours 🙂

     

    Post # 8
    Member
    2390 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    @IUrebekah3RT:  I don’t understand the “due to the intimate nature” part.  

    Post # 9
    Member
    2390 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I would say the website is actually the best option for no additions OR substitutions, because you can’t RSVP unless your name is actually in the system.

    Post # 11
    Member
    96 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    Here’s what we will be doing (this is the mock-up). I am hoping this clarifies enough that we don’t have issues with our no-children policy (we will be inviting the flower girl and ring bearer). We are doing a BBQ Buffet so no need for dinner choices. I changed the last names to protect identities 😉

    Post # 12
    Member
    2390 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    @FutureMrs.Sunshine:  Yes, obviously that’s what it means.  I just don’t get how it has any impact.  Whether the total is 25 people or 250, the individual invitation is still only for 2 or 4 or whatever.  I realize that she’s essentially saying “don’t you dare add any more people,” but I think you at least give people a CHANCE to do the right thing, and if they do it wrong you simply call and explain that the invitation was only for the people it was addressed to.

    By The Way, yours is rude as well.  Again, at least give people a chance to follow correct etiquette.  

    Post # 13
    Member
    7902 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

    @oneofthesethings:  I agree. @FutureMrs.Sunshine:‘s invitation stirkes me as rude. I hope your guests aren’t offended that you assume for them that they don’t know how what the address line on an invitation means. Plus, the grammar error of ‘1 of us are’ would drive me mad.

    Post # 14
    Member
    96 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @mrsSonthebeach:oneofthesethings:  Honestly this board has been bashed a lot for members being so rude to others that they no longer feel comfortable sharing their ideas anymore. Obviously if I believed I would offend my guests I would not send it out, but as it stands, knowing myself and my fiance and our guests, I do not feel they will be offended. That however is not the point of this post. The OP asked what others are doing to conciously try to disuade people from including extras. I provided her with my personal example and did not ask for your feedback. If we left the RSVP cards as they are normally and didn’t make any of the inclusions to conciously try to prevent that situation then we would be giving them all the chance to know how to fill it out already. Unfortunately you misunderstood as the OP was asking how to prevent it…

    Please try to keep the critiques of other peoples ideas to a friendly, constructive and helpful tone and limit to offensive language and name calling. You can assume nobody here wants to be intentionally rude to their guests.

    Post # 15
    Member
    7902 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

    @FutureMrs.Sunshine:  I simply wouldn’t want to OP to go to the same lengths as you because she could offend her guests. I don’t think there was any name calling or offensive language. You may not want to be intentionally rude, but why would you want to run the risk of being accidentally rude? I for one would feel negligent if I allowed a post to stand that would lead the OP to think your solution would not incur possible negative ramifications.

    Post # 16
    Member
    259 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    With have limited numbers so we have had to be very strict on who we invite to the day. We named each individual that was invited on the envelope, and on the invitation itself.

     

     

     

    We also used a wedding website for RSVPs and sent out log-in details with each invitation. When they logged in, there was a list of names of those in their party that matched the names on the invitation, and we asked each to RSVP individually.

     

     

     

    We still had people call up and ask if they could bring someone (complete strangers to us) to our wedding, though. Unsurprisingly, we said no…

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

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