Post # 1
Member
815 posts
Busy bee
Ok, so when you elope there are always going to be some sort of hurt feelings. But we would like to at the very least minimize them with how we let my fiance’s parents know about our elopement if at all possible.
Background:
My family is not involved at all, so they are a non-issue.
My fiance’s father seems fine and supportive of our getting married. His mom on the other hand does not even acknowledge that we are engaged. She has never asked to see the ring or hinted at an upcoming wedding in the very least. When we first got engaged she and my fiance’s sisters more or less blatantly said to him that they did not want me in the family. One of his sisters burst into tears when we told her. It was a very awkward situation to say the least. The women in his family were and still are very close with my fiance’s ex wife which is a big source of the tension. Either way this tension towards our marriage is a big influencer in our choice to elope.
So… question is… how to tell them we are eloping. They will maybe have dissappointment that they weren’t there? I say maybe because they really don’t seem all that excited about any of it. But in addition we don’t really have the family’s blessing as a whole so there is that negativity on top of it all.
We could tell them a week or so beforehand. This way they are not surprised when we come back with rings on. Only problem is, they have enough money to drop everything and purchase tickets to join us last second like that, adn I wouldn’t put it past them. I would like to avoid the awkward conversation of “no, we really don’t want you there.”
We could call them from the destination letting them know that it was happening the day after. Problem: they’d know that we had intentionally not been telling them,.
We could tell them right when we return from vacation. Problem: I don’t want to be bracing myself for the return home and all of the potential crap that that will entail.
We could let them find out with the rest of the world when we send out our marriage announcements.
Obviously there is no perfect answer. Just looking for a range of perspectives because that is always helpful.
Thanks ladies 🙂
Post # 2
Member
12 posts
Newbee
Let them find out with everyone else. It may seem cruel but if you dont have a good realationship with them and if you think they will be snarky about it or try to bust up your day and make it about them then go do your thing and let them find out with everyone else. I’m in a similar situation and only two people will be attending. Its about you and your finace do what will make you happy 🙂 Good luck & Stay strong
Post # 3
Member
1128 posts
Bumble bee
Well, for me eloping is just eloping. Go, get happily married with out telling anyone and then come back and if you want, anounce it!
If you want to tell someone, you could tell your FI’s dad.
Sorry you are in this situation! Smiles and hugs!
Post # 4
Member
176 posts
Blushing bee
I definitely wouldn’t tell them beforehand. Based on the reaction they gave you when you announced your engagement, I would be afraid they might try to fly out and stop the wedding. Besides, your FI’s mother and sisters may try to pressure him to back out if they knew you were marrying soon. I also personally wouldn’t tell them until I got back — wouldn’t want to hear their reaction over the phone and have it possibly ruin the day.
Just my 2 cents. Sorry you’re having to deal with this! Just remember it’s about the two of you, no one else 🙂
Post # 5
Member
1181 posts
Bumble bee
If I were you, I’d tell them after. It seems like they may tinge your plans with negative vibes, and you don’t need that. So go celebrate, get married and then when you’re home share.
Post # 6
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee
I got a cool idea from the bee. Don’t tell anyone who isn’t involved beforehand. Then afterwards take a photo from one of your phones, maybe your two left hands with the rings or a sign that says you’ve eloped and text it to everyone who should know first. So, family and close friends. Then (optional, I know some people don’t like facebook/twitter etc) post the same photo on a social network so your other friends can find out.
The only problem would be family members with phones that can’t recieve photos but a text message will still work. I am 95% sure this is what me and Fiance are doing.
Post # 7
Member
2546 posts
Sugar bee
I like the idea of sending them a picture or something shortly after the ceremony, then later posting it or mailing it for everyone else to see. HOwever, I would promptly turn off your phones after sending the pics to the family just in case they blow-up they can’t contact either of you about it… NOrmally I would say tell them a week ahead of time, but it doesn’t sound like the best idea given what you described about the engagement…
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