- 8 years ago
I’ve been dating my SO for a year and some months now. When we first started dating he had an amazing body. Really well defined abs, toned arms, just looked fantastic. He used to be really into rock climbing and liked to go to the gym and lift weights and all that. But since we started dating, like a lot of couples, he’s stopped going to the gym all together. I go more than he does now and I barely go at all. As a result, he’s gained some weight. Not a lot, he really doesn’t look that different and still has a good body, but he’s a lot less toned and gets sad about it all the time. I see him almost every morning looking at himself and sighing and mumbling something about if he could just lose some fat and regain his muscle. It seemed to really bother him and I admit, it kind of bothered me too. I don’t want us to stop taking care of our physical appearence just because we’ve found someone, I don’t want us to feel like we need to stop trying. So I started inviting him to go along to the gym with me, but that has…well, it’s backfired. He gets annoyed every time I ask him and says “I’m tired” or “I worked all day” or “I’ll definately go tomorrow” and he never ever does. On weekends it’s the same thing even though he only works during the week. It’s been so long since he last worked out and yes he’s been sick and yes he’s been tired but I’m getting concerned, not only about his appearence but because he doesn’t have near the amount of energy or confidence he used to. He complains about his appearence all the time and always seems so tired…I’m worried. I want him to have the same kind of energy he used to when we first started dating and to feel good about himself and…yes I admit it, I don’t want him to stop caring about his appearence either. I still try for him. In fact I’ve been trying harder to try and set an example. I’ve been eating healthier and been walking to school instead of taking the bus and I’ve actually lost weight since we started dating but that hasn’t been working. I just don’t know what to do anymore.
So today I asked him again if he wanted to go with me and he got up and started stomping around looking for his gym shoes. I asked him what was wrong and he yelled at me that I was always nagging him and he just wanted me to leave him alone for once. At that I got really upset with him because I’ve been trying so hard for him, not only with keeping up my appearence for him but also with cleaning the house and running all the errands and spending my whole Friday off getting the entire apartment spotless and doing load after load of his laundry as a surprise for him and he hardly said anything about it. So I got mad too and told him I hardly asked him to do anything so if he wanted me to leave him alone he could just leave so he grabbed his keys and left. Not the best way to handle it I know…that’s why I’m asking y’all for help.
Bees, I know weight is a really sensitive issue and apparently I really suck about how to bring it up. What would y’all do? What am I doing wrong and what could I be doing to change this?