(Closed) Best way to explain to my son..

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2270 posts
Buzzing bee

Just tell him that when a woman gets married, the most important man in her life walks her down the aisle and you chose him.

Post # 4
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@bunnyharriet:  +1 can’t think of a simpler way.

Post # 5
Member
417 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@KRasco928:  You probably want to avoid the phrase “giving away”, and you may want to make it clear to your friends and family that you don’t see it that way either. 

I’m not trying to be mean or rude, but if I went to a wedding and a woman’s minor child was “giving her away” I would feel very bad for the little boy and think some pretty negative thoughts about the mom. 

Whatever you do you have to make it clear that he isn’t giving you away and that you aren’t transferring your responsibility to him onto another person.  He will always be your son and number one in your life. 

Post # 7
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@BuBuBubbles:  Why would you think “negative thoughts” about the bride? This makes no sense? What about brides who have no fathers? Would you judge them for walking down alone? Is that bride giving herself away? No. Mainly because we live in a society where “giving away” is not really the meaning anymore to this tradition. 

OP- Beautiful idea. I would tear up watching it. Could you find a youtube video of kids walking down the aisle with their moms? Maybe that will sum it up better than an explanation. 

Post # 10
Member
1186 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Don’t say “giving away”, because that sounds sad to a kid.  Say “presenting the bride” when you talk about it.  I like the way @bunnyharriet: described it.

Post # 11
Member
1471 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Hm, I’d probably tell him what @bunnyharriet:  said, and then add that the reason he is walking you down the aisle is that the two of you will be joining Fiance as a family, and that you want him to be part of that choice (assuming you have no doubt it’s what he wants too), so having him walk you to Fiance is his way of showing how he feels about your new family. 

Post # 12
Member
417 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@ohmybears48:  I would think negatively of the bride because it is not her son’s job to “give his mother” away.  She is his mother, and he still needs her.  The whole tradition of giving away the bride is the idea that she is leaving her family of origin to start a new family with her husband.  Whether you agree with this tradition, see it as anti-feminist, whatever, that is where it comes from and that is how many people still see it today.  I would absolutely think that the bride was being insensitve to the needs of her child and shirking her responsibilities as a parent to run off and get married if the person officiating the wedding asked “Who gives this woman away?” to the son.  It needs to be made clear to the son and to the guests that this is not about “giving away” and about the three of them becoming a family. 

Of course I don’t have an issue with brides without fathers who have someone else walk them down the aisle or go by themselves.  I will be walking on my own for several reasons.  1.  I don’t know my father, 2. My stepfather was abusive, 3. I was going to have my best friend do it (he is a man) but then I just made him my MoH (or rather, bridal attendant).  If anyone does it it will be my mom, but right now I think I’ll go by myself.  But a child fulfilling that traditional role is sad and not appropriate. 

It might help if there was a blurb on the program about how the three of them are excited to start this new chapter in life together and how it means so much to the couple that not only will the bride walk up the aisle, but the third part of their family will come forward to start anew too.  No “giving away” or “presenting” or whatever. 

That’s just my opinion though.  Obviously a lot of people wouldn’t see it that way, but I would, and I don’t think that it would be a stretch to think that lots of other people would too. 

Post # 13
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

WOW! I am shocked that someone would actually “feel very bad for the little boy and think some pretty negative thoughts about the mom.” this would never have occured to me to ever think or feel! I honestly think it would be very sweet if you walked down the aisle with your son. Instead of the officiant saying “who gives away this bride” he could say something about the 3 of you joining as a family. I would hope as a society we would have moved past that kind of thinking, if someone attends your wedding and judges you poorly for being walked down by the love of your life (your son) than they shouldnt be at the wedding at all. Also your son being six probably less is more in this case just dont tell him hes giving you away tell him he is walking you down the aisle to join together as a family.

Post # 14
Member
3755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

A 6 year old has no understanding of the symbolism of giving away the bride. So all you have to tell him is that the most important man in her life accompanies the bride down the isle and he is the one! Essentially your Fiance is marrying not just you, but your son too, so I think having him walk you down the aisle takes on a whole new meaning and symbolism and I love it. In fact I’m getting choked up just thinking about it!

 

For the naysayers that think this is offensive (really??? you people are ridiculous), you could also put some sort of short explanation of this in your program if you want just to clarify that you are not having your son “give you away” rather you are both walking down the aisle to greet your future husband. 

Post # 15
Member
9074 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Truthfully, I don’t think your son is old enough to understand the symbolism of it all.

I would use what @bunnyharriet said. I’d also avoid using the term “Giving away” as well as it might give him incorrect ideas at what exactly is happening.

Just tell him you needed someone important to walk you down the aisle.

Post # 16
Member
993 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I think this is really lovely.  For everyone who thinks badly I’d like to just say open your mind. What about telling him he’s holding your hand with you to your new life together as a family?  Instead of presenting you to “give away”, he’s escorting you?

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