Post # 1
FH and I started on our guest list about a month ago and we’ve been making adjustments ever since. The venue we’ve booked will hold no more than 75 people and because of that, we’ve had to make cuts to close friends and family only. The only problem we’re running into is FH’s side of the family. He wants to invite some people from a family, but not others. To clarify, we’re talking about his aunt and uncle, but not their adult children and their families because he isn’t close to them and FH has 10 aunts and uncles. If we invited the aunts and uncles, plus their adult children and their families, just FH’s side alone would be way over the 75 people. We know that FH’s family will spread the word and we don’t want people to just assume they are invited and show up the day of.
I don’t want to make a major ettiquette error and start a bunch of drama with the family, but the venue is already reserved and we can’t get the money back.
Post # 3
You can draw the line anywhere you want or need to. It is easier for all if you are consistent in your invitations though.
If you invite aunts and uncles on his side but not grown children and tier families, then I suggest you do the same on your side.
Post # 4
@julies1949: My side won’t be the issue. Most everyone that I’d planned on inviting knows about our limited space and they respect the fact that not everyone will be invited. FH’s family have showed up to plenty of events without being invited because word got around and it was just assumed that the entire bunch was supposed to come too.
Post # 5
Given your FH’s family history of showing up, it seems that the best option might be to use RSVP cards that specifically say “We have reserved ___ seats in your honor” and then they choose accept or regret – lots of brides on the bee have used that style to limit the number of invitees from families.
Post # 6
@nyscpa2be: I thought about that too. Would it be rude if FH mentioned to the usual suspects that we have limited space and would appreciate them not broadcasting about the wedding? Not in those words of course, but something to let them know to keep it to themselves?
Post # 7
@SouthernGirl: I think he could discretely let them know that since you weren’t able to invite everyone you would have liked to invite, they should avoid sharing wedding details with others who may not be invtied.
Post # 8
We had the same situation as you with the hubs’s side of the family. They are a VERY large family (just his mother’s side adds up to 75) so we just invite the aunts and uncles without their adult children/grandchildren.