(Closed) Best way to honor lost loved ones during without bringing the mood down?

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
1118 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

What about having a candle set up away from the ceremony but still in a noticable place with a little sign? You could put a picture of your mom, grandoa, and cousin attached to your bouquet?

Post # 3
Member
234 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Just commented on a thread about this with a woman’s FH wanting to put a picture of his ex-gf from 8 years ago on a seat at the ceremony.

I don’t want to sound insensitive – I lost my cousin only two months ago so I totally get it, but it’s a day of celebrating your love, not a memorial service.

I think their names on the program, or some candles lit in their honor at the ceremony or at the reception would suffice.  And I don’t mean setting aside time to do that, I mean they are already lit.

What I’m doing is put my cousin’s picture on a small frame on my bouquet.  I’m using a photo of her in a blue dress and that will be my “something blue”.

EDIT:  Why not put a pic of your Mom on the bouquet like I’m doing with my cousin!

Post # 4
Member
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016 - Beach

We are having a special decorated table set up for pictures of our loved ones who passed so they can be “present” on our day.

Post # 5
Member
3433 posts
Sugar bee

All of our grandparents are deceased. I framed all of their wedding photos and placed them on the cocktail tables. We also mentioned them in the program.

Post # 6
Member
1251 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

View original reply
cassey1237:  Oh My Gosh. HUGS!!!! Losing your Mom while planning…I hope you’re doing ok.

Because the people you want to honor are so intregal to your life I would either:

-Have a table with framed pictures      OR

-Have a ceremony moment where the officiant acknowledges those you lost verbally

I have seen both of these done and I thought they were very sweet, appropriate and caught my attention. I have also seen names on a program but, I agree,  that ‘honor’ does get lost amoung the other program wording. 

Post # 8
Member
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

View original reply
cassey1237:   My mother passed 8 years ago and my brother passed almost 3 years ago.  These are very important people who were taken far too young and would have absolutely been at our wedding.  There will be a table with their picture and a Frame that says “If heaven wasn’t so far away, I know you would be here today.”  And a candle will be there.

So sorry for your losses.  It’s really hard to be happy when some of the most important people in your life aren’t going to be there to celebrate with you.

Post # 9
Member
2120 posts
Buzzing bee

How about keeping it simple during your ceremony – a candle, a photo on your bouquet (your fi could have his dad’s photo on him too) or wearing a piece of their jewellery. Kim Kardashian cut a piece out of her dad’s shirt and had it sewn into her dress when she married Kris Humphries. 

Then, during speeches at your reception, acknowledge them and thank them. It doesn’t have to be a big memorial speech, but a few words. “Though my dad and cassey1237’s mum couldn’t be here today, I hope they are enjoying tonight from heaven”. It doesn’t need to bring down the mood. 

Edited to add: I re read your posts and you have only JUST lost your mum. I’m really sorry. Did she make any suggestions that you could incorporate? Or using her favourite flowers as bouquets. Are you doing okay? I agree she (and your fiancé’s dad) should be acknowledged, but I really feel like it only needs to be subtle for the ceremony. Remember this day is celebrating your love. She will be watching, and she will be proud. Hugs! 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by  garnobella.
Post # 10
Member
234 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

View original reply
cassey1237:  First I should have said I am sorry for your loss.  I read too fast and didn’t realize you lost your Mom ONLY 6 months ago.

There isn’t a day that goes by that I do not think about my cousin.  Especially when I make wedding plans like picking out a photographer or a florist.  All I think about is “my God, she won’t be here to see my walk down the aisle.”  I am still in mourning and still cry quite often.  I wanted her to be the MC at my wedding.  She had a big and loud personality that will be missed.

So I said all that to say that I think you’re still in mourning too and I suppose I would feel like what you want to do “isn’t enough.”  I get it.   

Out of the two options you originally said:  memorial table or picture on the seat, I think you should do the memorial table AND list names in the program AND put a picture on the bouquet.  I’m still not a huge fan of a picture on the seat just because for me, I would keep looking at it and cry the entire time.  Would that be enough for you?

Post # 11
Member
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

View original reply
delena76:  Let’s admit, the situation in that other thread about the ex-g/f who passed 8 years ago, is WAY different than wanting to remember one’s parents/siblings at a wedding.  A mother/father/brother/sister would very likely be playing important roles in your special day.  If my brother were alive, he would be a groomsman.  If my mother were alive, she would be introduced with my father as the parent’s of the bride.   My wedding is going to be very difficult without them.  And as my date nears, it’s making me even more sad. 

Post # 12
Member
1377 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
cassey1237:  I’ve seen brides attach a locket photo of a loved one, or the groom can have someones name sewn into his cuff or inside the jacket. On the guest book table you could do photographs of people who’ve passed but also other family wedding photos to keep it light.

Post # 13
Member
234 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

View original reply
LaurieW:  yea I know that.  I’m still on the fence about turning it into a memorial service though.  That’s why I made my second comment.

Post # 14
Member
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Hogarths, Solihull

I got little picture frames to attach to my bouquet so that I can take my Grandads and Uncle down the aisle with me. 

Fiance also plans to mention them in his speech, as we’re getting married on one of my Grandads’ birthdays. 

Post # 15
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

I did a memory table with a picture, a small candle in front of it and a sign I found on Oriental Trading that said “we know you’d be here if heaven weren’t so dar away”

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by  luisas.

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