Post # 1
I’m thinking kind of far in the future here, but advice would be appreciated. This has been on my mind lately.
FI and I have decided that since he only has one good friend that he wants to stand up for him in the wedding, I would only have a MOH. So bridal party is just BM and MOH. I was a little upset at first, since I have a ton of really close friends I wanted to be bridesmaids, but I don’t want to make him uncomfortable since he doesn’t have many friends and therefore wouldn’t have more than 1 or 2 GMs. Plus our wedding will be probably 50-70 people, so it would be silly to have a bunch of people in the bridal party.
AAANYWAY…when it comes time for me to ask my MOH to be my MOH, how do I avoid hurting the other girls’ feelings? We had always talked about being in each others’ weddings, and my future MOH is part of the circle of friends that we always talked about weddings with.
I think my grad school and high school friends will probably understand and be okay with not being BMs. But my good college friends…I’m nervous about hurting feelings because I love them all so much 🙁
I know I still plan on having all my would-have-been BMs (if we were having an actual bridal party…) come with me the day before and maybe day of to get our nails and hair done. They just won’t stand up with me at the wedding.
Post # 3
@pharmy: Maybe just tell them that since the wedding is going to be small, you don’t want more people standing up at the altar than sitting in the audience? ;o) I think it would be understandable, too, that if you explain there will only be a best man on the groom’s side you wouldn’t want a ton of girls on your side. Then explain how you want to include them on all of the other fun stuff, like getting ready, being at the bridal shower, dress shopping, etc. Hopefully their emotions won’t get the best of them and they’ll understand!
Post # 4
I would just be sure to explain that you’re just having a MOH/BM, and then follow that with a blurb about how you really care about them and value them as a close friend. One of my very best friends recently told me I wasn’t a bridesmaid by just casually saying, “So I’ve decided X, X, X and X wil be my bridesmaids.” And that was it. I would have felt a lot better if she had validated our friendship in that moment, because I felt pretty sad.
Post # 5
@pharmy: I was in the same situation. My wife, while lovely, doesn’t really have close friends outside of me, my little sister (who lives with us), and my family. I had several close friends that I wanted to be part of our bridal party. So, my sister and cousin are standing up with me and two of my law school friends are standing up with my wife. We’re having a small wedding (under 50 guests, hopefully), and so it’s nice.
Of course, some of our smartass friends have commented on our wedding website that the bridal party seems to be heavily skewed my way. What can you do?
Post # 6
I am also having a small wedding party (3 BM and 3 GM) and have chosen to only ask family members to be bridesmaids – my two sisters and my fiance’s sister. That way, I’m not excluding any friends.
Also, in your case, have you considered involving your close girl friends in the ceremony in other places? Maybe have someone sing, do readings, or even be your “coordinator”. Every wedding needs someone to be in charge of greeting guests! Or designate a friend to be the go-to person for the vendors. You don’t want to be telling the florist where to go or answering everyone’s questions. You’re the bride! Friends would be happy to help you out in that way. You could also ask them to do toasts at the reception, if that’s something that could work for you.