(Closed) Best way to tell the bride you can't make it to the wedding last minute?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: What would you do if you had a ear/sinus infection the day before your flight for a wedding?
    Let the bride know ASAP that you can't make it and explain why : (89 votes)
    59 %
    Let the bride know ASAP AND offer to pay for the food for you and your date : (40 votes)
    26 %
    Fly to the wedding and hope your ear drum doesn't rupture : (23 votes)
    15 %
    Other? : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    10453 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2014

    Be honest. Tell her as soon as possible and still send a generous gift like you would have anyway. Offering to pay for your plate is a nice gesture, but if I were the bride I would be grateful but I wouldn’t accept.

    Post # 4
    6256 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2014

    @HeartsandSparkles:  Did the doc actually say it might rupture, or is that just conjecture?

    If that’s really what he said, you could get a second opinion (Do you have a primary care?) If it looks like that’s really and truly a possibility, I wouldn’t chance it–just send a cash gift that at least covers your plates and a very sincere apology.

    Post # 5
    7271 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I’ve had both of my ear drums rupture (one of them multiple times) so I personally probably wouldn’t think twice about traveling. However, I do know that it can occasionally cause hearing loss so I understand why you might not want to risk that. If you don’t go I would vote for telling her ASAP.


    Post # 6
    727 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @HeartsandSparkles:  I would be honest with her that you can’t make it.  We had a couple people bail on us within a day or two and one the day of.  Meh, shit happens.  But do tell her though!  And like PP mentioned, I would still send the gift that I planned on sending.

    As a side note, I finished work and was about to leave on an 8 hour drive to my friend’s wedding the next day and I managed to smash the front end of my car so bad I couldn’t drive it anywhere.  Obviously I had to bail on her wedding at the last minute too.  She seemed to understand, it’s not like I planned to do that on purpose!  Just like you didn’t plan to get an ear infection.

    Post # 7
    7685 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @HeartsandSparkles:  Tell her ASAP (it’s nice to phone if at all possible, and talk to her; text only as a last resort because it’s impersonal). It sucks, but nearly every wedding has a small number of no-shows for medical reasons, and being told in advance is helpful, so the bride and groom don’t need to wonder where the guest is. I only had 2 no-shows out of 100 – both were for (minor) medical emergencies and I had no hard feelings.

    Post # 8
    3276 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    If it were me I would still go and I’m a speech and hearing science student. If I were the bride I would roll my eyes at a guest who didn’t come because of an ear infection. An ear drum can rupture from the infection itself and relive the pressure and heal itself, or even from sticking a cotton swab in your ear. Problems can arise but I’d just take the medicine that they gave you and some pain meds. 

    Post # 11
    2808 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    i would still go.

    you can always try to put cups over your ears during takeoff and landing? we had to do that with my cousins when they flew as babies, cause they had ear issues. it equalizes the pressure or something.

    here’s a link: http://www.peoplespharmacy.com/2006/06/04/airplane-ears-m/

    Post # 13
    12247 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I would probably risk flying. And bring some extra painkillers on the offchance it does. But I think you’ll be okay!

    Post # 15
    7271 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @MrsN14:  +1

    My ears actually feel better when they rupture. All the pressure is gone. 

    Post # 16
    2196 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2017

    I would probably just go and risk it. But if your not comfortable with that then I would call asap.

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