(Closed) Best “Wifely” advice you ever got?

posted 12 years ago in Married Life
Post # 17
Member
596 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2021 - Oakland Manor

Wow, you guys all have great advice! Most of my good advice comes from this post!

Post # 18
Member
80 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2009 - Catholic ceremony, reception at local armory

Such great advice!  I don’t have anything insightful to add at the moment!

Post # 19
Member
73 posts
Worker bee

Great advice!  Pengy, I love that!  I’m going to have to try it and see what happens. 

I never quite understood the "Don’t go to bed angry" thing.  I think sometimes it’s better to let things settle down some and discuss it later, as in the next day sometime.  I guess there could be a problem if you let several nights go by where you go to bed angry????

Post # 20
Member
1604 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

MJ, we’ve been trying to practice that "active listening" technique since we learned about it in counseling. it’s very helpful!

One more post from tonight that I’m adding to favorites. Have I mentioned that I love the favorites feature?

Post # 21
Member
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009 - Bernardo Winery

MJ that is really great advise. My mom taught me that when I was little and it works well when Mr Frenchie and I are discussing something.

Post # 22
Member
467 posts
Helper bee

I really agree that it’s ok to go to bed angry.  I’m always much less riled up if I get a chance to cool off, and him too!  I really liked John Gottman’s book, "Seven Principles of Marriage" and I think the main piece of insight that I’ve used from it is that healthy couples make an effort to de-escalate conflict.  Whether it’s saying "you’re right, honey," or saying "I understand why you’re frustrated" or asking to take a break from a fight to cool off, or simply touching their hand, all of these are ways to keep a fight from escalating.  I think my husband is really good at this, and I’m getting better!  The other thing that I think was really valuable from that book was its advice to "dwell" on your spouse’s good qualities.  One of his exercises is to think of three good qualities of your spouse, and then think of a concrete example of when they exhibited that quality.  It really works!  You end up feeling all warm and fuzzy about your spouse, and that shows in the relationship.  Sometimes we let ourselves focus on the negative, and it’s good to counteract that with positive, loving thoughts.  🙂

Post # 23
Member
203 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009 - Westwind YWCA camp

haha- fight naked! I love it!

Post # 24
Member
1169 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I have a couple, lol. The first is actually pretty funny now that I think about it.

It was when I was first getting "serious" with my now-fiance and my dad said something along the terms "When youre married it’s not like dating. You see each other even when you’re not all dressed up and ready to go, you deal with the farts and other gross things, it’s not like dating- you get dressed to your best, on your best behavior, and you hang out for a few and go home." 

At the time, I’m like, dad- ew. Gross, please don’t ever say fart to me again. Lol. NOW I really know what he was talking about. 

The other advice was from my grandmother and I think from my father too- she said that you cannot make a relationship work unless you both have forgiveness. You both forgive each other even when you’re so mad. You forgive and you talk about what made you upset and you fix it. 

It’s so true. 

Post # 25
Member
308 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

My fi’s uncle firmly believes: Happy Wife, Happy Life.

 I like that one. I think it’s true. I think it goes both ways though, but its a cute reminder.

 

Post # 26
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

My dad has been married three times, divorced three times. But even though his track record is awful, I really value his advice. He told me that emotions change and shift in a marriage, including feelings of love and affection (I think we’ve all heard this–like people saying the "spark" is gone but they do still deeply love each other). What REALLY holds a marriage together is respect.

A good marriage is ultimately based on respecting each other. You can love someone to death, but if there isn’t respect, it’s not going to work. I mean, a lot of good advice does boil down to respect for each other’s feelings and opinions, even if you don’t agree. So it really struck a chord with me.

Loving all the advice here!

Post # 27
Member
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

These are great!  I have one to offer – ironically, my Fiance told me about it!  It’s his father’s advice to him.  He says to never keep score.  So if I ask him to do something around the house for me, he won’t say, "But I did it last time!" he’ll just do it.  And vice versa of course!

Post # 28
Member
1308 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

One of my BM’s mothers told me that the key is to hold hands and make out often.

Post # 29
Member
362 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

My parents have been together since they were in middle school. Their unity and love for each other amazes me every day. My mom has two sayings that have really stuck with me.

"Yes, we’re married. But that doesn’t change the fact that he’s my boyfriend."

&

"Slow dance in the kitchen at least once a week."

They’re all about the romance and sweetness!

Post # 30
Member
498 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

I love all of these! My cousin gave me advice recently, she said, "Love is not a feeling. Love is a choice, so wake up every morning choosing to love your husband." That’s stuck ever since she said it.

Post # 31
Member
17 posts
Newbee

I agree that it is ok to go to bed angry especially if is something trivial that you are most likely fighting about due to tierdness.  I usually tend to forget what is even about by morning.

Some of the best advice I got was from my grandparents when I ws a teenager. (It is similar to what other ladies said)
My grandfather asked my grandmother to make him a cup of tea and my aunt said to her, "Why are you doing that, he can make his own cup"  My grandmother responded, "Because I know he will do the same for me if I ask."

 

The topic ‘Best “Wifely” advice you ever got?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors