Post # 32
The best advice I’ve heard is here on this board!! So many of these little tidbits will definitely come in handy… I especially love "Don’t keep score" and "Yes, we’re married. That doesn’t change the fact that he’s my boyfriend"
I think its so easy for women to take advantage of their husbands… we just expect too much sometimes. Men are fairly simple creatures, we just have to learn the right way to treat them!
My mom bought me "The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands" when we first got engaged. It sets women’s lib back a bit, but there’s such truth to this book. Now I keep my irrational thoughts & ridiculous expectations in check 🙂
Post # 33
I leave "clues" that I did something around the house too! Like after I hand wash dishes that can’t go in the dishwasher I leave them to dry until he’s around and then put them away. Or if I do laundry, I leave the clothes in the basket until he can see me put them away. Usually he notices, says thankyou, and helps finish whatever is left of the chore! BUT somehow he can’t do these things on his own.
The other one mentioned that we are trying really hard to live by is "don’t keep score". It’s a toughy sometimes!
Post # 34
best advice i ever got was from my almost-MIL. it was "always treat each other like you’re still in the "courting" phase…be sweet, do small, nice things for each other frequently, and be really affectionate." we definitely took her advice to heart, so much so that last week at my fiance’s tux fitting she told us (jokingly!) "stop kissing, you two! you’ve been together for 3 1/2 years, for goodness’ sake!"
Post # 35
Wow! Great advice..thanks much. The one I have is that if he comes up with a creative suggestion that is not life or death situation but touchy because he is trying to help… don’t just point blank, shoot it down immediately. Say something tactful like, Thanks, I’ll take that into consideration. Later, you can give clearly thoughtful reasons of why you decided to do it another way, if it comes up.
Post # 36
808bride, that is a good one, and definitely something I should work on! I love this thread, I totally thought of it this morning as I was about to put away clothes from the dryer and then thought, hmm, maybe I’ll fold them and leave them in the basket ’til hubs gets home, haha.
Post # 37
This is great advice and has inspired me to set up a "Marriage Advice" basket at our reception, next to our guest book! If others do it too please share some of your best!
I have a couple to add. The first two come from my mom. "Always choose your battles." and "Never ever ever put each other down." The second from our premarital counselor "You don’t have to always like each other, but you have to always respect each other."
The last actually isn’t advice per se but is from a study I recently learned about in my positive psychology course. Apparently researchers did a study to determine what leads to the happiest of marriages. They found that in the majority of bad marriages, it was keeping things from your partner that contributed to the bad relationship. However, the reverse was not true- that in good marriages, partners tell each other absolutely everything. Rather, it was that couples in a good marriage always view their partner in a postive way. I think the phrase they used actually was having selective, positive delusions about your partner! In other words, instead of seeing your partner in a grouchy mood and saying to yourself or him or others, "He’s in a grouchy mood because he’s a grouch sometimes" it was, "he’s in a grouchy mood because he didn’t get enough sleep last night, or because he had a tough day at the office, or because he is disappointed with the way things turned out, etc." Always viewing their partner in a positive way and making positive excuses for their negative behavior was common among the majority of all happy marriages. Interesting, huh?!
Post # 38
One of my favorites from a recent bridal shower is: "Always be each other’s biggest fan." I love this because not only does it mean to support and encourage each other’s hobbies (i.e. I go to his baseball games and he goes to my races), but that you never lose that respect and admiration for the other person. I think it’s important for people to have their own interests and to feel encouraged by the other. And it’s important to feel respected for your strengths and skills. I once overheard him telling a friend how amazing it was that I was training for a marathon and that I had so much dedication. He hadn’t ever told that to me directly, but at that point I knew he was a fan.
Post # 39
I’m loving all this advice! =) I don’t really have any to share — we’re far enough off that no one’s thought to discuss it with us. But my parents have been giving me good advice all the way through the relationship. The best example is probably "make sure you’re on the same page before proceeding with something". =D
Post # 40
LOVE the "leave clues about housework" one. That will really come in handy. 🙂
Post # 41
My Mother-In-Law told us to always be nice to each other. Seems so easy to do, but it’s also easy to slip into being mean and nasty to each other because you are thinking in the back of your head "oh, it’s my husband/wife, they love me no matter what so I don’t have to be ‘nice’".
Post # 42
I love this thread! Some of the best relationship advice I’ve heard is from my father. Waaaaay back when my husband and I were first dating, I was complaining to my dad about something my husband (then boyfriend) did. Though I can’t remember what caused the fight, I remember my dad’s response: "Kiddo, you can be the type of person who decides to be angry, or you can be the type of person who decides to let things go. In my experience, life’s a lot more fun if you let things go." I tend to nitpick things, so this advice was great for me to hear.
The other most memorable relationship advice was said at my sister’s couples shower by one of my uncles. It was a little inappropriate…but hilarious! "Never use the F-word with each other when you’re angry. That word’s only ok to use when speaking in terms of passion." After he said that, there was about a 2 second stunned silence followed by tons of laughter!
Post # 43
I wish I could remember where I heard this from!
Try to always say yes.
I read an article about a reporter interviewing a couple about what their secret to a happy marriage was. He said that it’s because she always says yes. The reported was shocked and turned to the wife to ask if that was true. She smiled and said that it was true, but he also knows when not to ask!
I’ve been trying to follow this one and it has actually worked quite well for me! I can also see it not working with a number of guys though. 🙂
Post # 44
- Wedding: January 2010 - Mr. P's GrandparentsÃ¢Â€Â™ Ranch
This are awesome advice – Fight naked is a funny one
Post # 45
My fiance and I always say "Be kindest to those you love most."
The priest said it at the end of our pre-marital counseling and it has become our little saying. It’s so simple, but there is so much truth to that little phrase. It’s easy to be so comfortable around one another that you think it’s ok to shout and say mean things when you get angry, but you would NEVER say those things to a random stranger. …so why would it be ok to the one person you love the most? I think part of it has to do with that we all assume that the person we are married to will always be there, and even if you’re mean to them, they’re stuck!
Try it. Be kindest to the one you love the most. …always.
Post # 46
A older couple on one wedding show said that the best advice they could give was to pick you battles. I think that can be very true!