- 7 years ago
I have a really difficult situation. This is my first post on wedding bee but I have been on numerous times since planning my wedding and love all of the great posts and advice on here.
So today my best friend who is also a bridesmaid told me that she will not be able to come to the wedding now due to a very difficult work situation. She already RSVP’d a few months ago, has been involved in helping me with all the planning thus far and basically is like my Maid/Matron of Honor since my sister is the Maid/Matron of Honor but isnt much of the wedding planning type and just doesnt seem to have much of an interest in most of the Maid/Matron of Honor stuff. Our wedding is in Hawaii in September and everything is getting down to the wire with planning and details. Todays news came as a complete shock and I am very hurt/ upset/ confused, etc. I cant imagine her not being there.
My friend is a teacher and is finishing her 1st year as a new teacher at a charter school. She got married in January and so already had time off for that and her honeymoon this past school year. I was a bridesmaid in her wedding as well. She had emailed her principal/boss about my wedding back in March I belive telling the principal that she had already commited to this wedding and gave him the dates. This was after she found out the start date for their school year for 2011 which ended up being September 1st (Thursday), the day before my wedding of all days. I did not know she had emailed him, all that she told me was that she told the principal and that he didnt seem thrilled about it but that everything was fine/approved and that her and her husband were for sure coming.
I found out just today that what had acutally happened was that she emailed the principal about her plans but never had a conversation with him and he never actually responded to her email back in March. She took his non-response as everything was ok (which I dont really understand, but ok). She said she also mentioned it to her vice principal who said that they didnt think it would be a problem but she never actually got approval from the principal. Either way, so her principal responds to her email just yesterday, May 5th, from March asking her if her plans for going to the wedding have changed. She responded with no, and asked if the start date for the school year had possibly changed, hoping it would possibly after labor day Sept 5th, like most schools. He said no and that he needed to talk to her.
Basically he met with her and told her that her missing the first 2 days of school was a big deal and did not look good (which she already knew but felt would be ok in this case). He went on to tell her that her job wasnt really secure and that since she is missing the single subject credential that they really prefer for her job that he was already trying to get approval for her job for next year. He also said her taking the first two days off of school did not show the dedication that they want from their teachers. He then said that he was leaving the decision up to her to make but basically said in not so many words that it could cost her her job.
So she emailed me about all this today, and naturally I am just shocked and hurt and dont know the best way to handle it. I am not blaming her for the situation but I do feel like it would have been better if she talked directly to the principal, like you would any boss before she RSVPd and told me I could count on her for sure to be there, instad of just assuming that him not responding to her email meant it was ok. I got really upset when she emailed me this today and said some things that were probably hurtful and just told her I couldnt believe she just now finding out she cant go to my wedding, etc. Also, I told her that I would just count her out of all the bridal party stuff since she isnt coming, mostly just because Im hurt and feel like she isnt going to be there for me. Im not happy with how I’ve dealt with it so far now, not really talking to her, making her feel bad, very emotional, etc but Im just having a very hard time with the fact that she will miss my wedding. I was very supportive of her wedding and all the pre-wedding planning and activities and just dont think I would have missed it for anything. Of course I dont want her to lose her job either..
Any thoughts or advice on how to best deal with this would be greatly appreciated!