- 5 years ago
- Wedding: October 2012
Okay.. never posted before.
Situation is, we have been engaged a year and a half. When we went to book our venue may 2011, they didnt have a date free for our wedding until 20th oct 2012. so we booked in may 2011 and let close friends and family know the date. Plenty of notice. We also asked my partners best friend to be best man then and he said he’d be honoured. The best mans wife is also one of my partners best friends. His wife also came with me as i live in scotland now and my family are in ireland, she helped my pick my dress. Now i have only known them 2 1/2 years, but they have been my partners best friends for 18 years. We all get on really well and i am very fond of them both.
BMans wife has had family issues all her life ( well 30 yrs) a few yrs back a sis and brother got back in touch, they totally drained her and she let them off with so much more than she wud let anyone else with. I can relate to why she wud do this as my mum had been thrown into a home as a child and has had family come on and off the scene all her life, u get excited when the contact is formed then, if it goes wrong u get the same rejection again that u had previous. It all went wrong for this ladies family, and 2 yrs later and they have fallen out for good., 2 months ago tho her old aunts/ uncles/ cousins have come on the scene again. Yep we worry that she will have the same rejection again, but mainly we hope it works out.
Now to paint a pic of my husband to be. He has and wud bend over backwards for this couple he sees as family/friends. Since i have ben with him ( as hes the only one nearby they know with a car) he has taken their son on hospital emergancies, lifted their in and out family from train stations an hour away in the snow cos the weather was too bad for trains to reach us, helped her son (who is a constant family member) shift flat several times. Help them shift furnature from their other fgriends house, basically if he gets a call from them he never says no, he wouldnt, simply cos he would never see them stuck, theyre his friends and thats what you do.
Okay this all eventually leads up to the wedding, but in the last year ( and i thought it had only been in this last yr but apparently its always been the same) My birthday party was the first i noticed anything as my FI was so upset. We always visit them and they have never been in my fellas flat… they live 10 min walk away. We arranged for them to come to dinner for my birthday, we had visitors in during day and when they left i started baking the lasagne. My FI had been out and got a case of ales and some gin and wine. Then he got a text at 5pm saying hi hope u have a gud day, im assuming tonite is canceled. So he phoned straight away and they said oh we thought it was cancelled our sons made dinner for us now. WHy wud it be cancelled if we had spoke about it the day/ and weeks before… we never cancelled it, so why wud you guess it was cancelled. Anyway we left it, but i enjoyed my bday with my partner… and there was more food and drink for us. but my fella reckoned the only one time he had asked them for something and they ruined it on him. I told him i wasnt upset at all and that some people like to be visited and just generally dont go visiting. ( this was all well and fine until this year when they found new pals they keep talking about and head out to theres for dinner every now and then… i know the novelty will wear off so im not that bothered, but as my fellas pals, u can see… i hope… why hes annoyed)
Anyway.. we’ve had a rough yr.. My fellas mum died unexpectantly in march, he was gutted, they said they wud go to the funeral, then they didnt show up but he got a text the next day to say sorry we didnt go, we didnt want ur sister to fight with us at the funeral. ( they brought this up b4 funeral and they were told this wud not be an issue) The same week my partners step father went into hospital and sadly died at the end of may, Not even a text this time. but they are still our friends, yes i feel let down for my partner but still, things happen sometimes eh?
We were round there yesterday and all of a sudden bmans wife says, she has a dilemma that involves us. Okay. She said, awhhh u know my aunt and uncle ( the new ones on the scene… for 2 months now) they are 50 yrs married and my cousins ( new cousins on the scene for 2 months also) want me to supprise them at their 50 th party on the 19th of October. I said, awh thats rubbish that its on the same weekend of our wedding, maybe you cud actually go tho, it just means u would have to get a really early morning flight on the saturday morning as our wedding isnt until 2pm in the afternoon. Now, … i dont know if she was telling us her dilema to soften the blow that they arent coming to the wedding now… in my head all i can think is… why else wud she tell us that????
My partner refuses to believe that they wud do this too him, unfortunatly i believe they wud, but im kinda in denial too cos the reality is that they wud be hurting my partner more than they wud ever know. We dont want people to go to our wedding that wouldnt want to go or that wud rather be elsewhere, it just seems my fiance has been ousted aside for another new family that i hope will be there for yrs too come, but i can see signs already of things going wrong there and i really dont like to see her hurt that way cos of how my mum was hurt. I just cant see how they dont see that the one day… which i understand is import to us and may not be important for everyone, but the fact its important to him, the one day that matters, regardless of all the other let downs and they are even consdiering telling us this is a dilema for her. Me thinking the practile side also of his family tartan kilt has been bought, green matching price charlie jacket which we got in janurary sale half price at £150 sterling… wil cost my partner £300 to buy another matching one now plus would cost £400 for another new family tartan kilt. He has also bought him a family tartan gift for being best man. It wil lbe 3 months tomorrow until the wedding and all this stuff was bought and givn to him in janurary this year, so its not like they dont know it was bought!! they have also asked us to buy a family tartan belt buckle at £30 to match.
My partner has had an unbelieveable year with both parents dying and then just to top things off… just when we thought we were finished with hospitals.. 2 weeks ago i was taken in to have my appendix out! I feel that you wud think that friends would be there to support you. I do under stand that the other party is important to them, i accept that. But I also think, if the new family is puuting pressure on them to go ” they wud really love u to supprise them by showing up at their annivarsary party… it wud be such a wonderful supprise” surely if they really wanted them at this party they would try to arrange the party for another weekend so that that would happen? I know i am putting my side of things across, i have tried to be fair. We have lost 2 nites sleep now. My partners decision is that if they are prepared to do this to him then they arent real friends at all.. in all fairness, this time i dont think i should keep the peace for them, they wud be hurting my partner too much.
Any comments welcome even if they arent my own way of thinking.