(Closed) Better late than never?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
4439 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@helpmeplease29:  Send them out!  I believe etquiette-wise you have 1 year to send them.

Post # 4
974 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I would think better late than never. I’d send them out now if I were you.

Post # 5
3265 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Sending them out late is always better than never. You’re still within the acceptable time frame. If anyone is actually rude enough to complain about how “late” they are, you can always explain to them if you’re comfortable enough but it’s definitely not necessary.


Post # 6
13251 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@mchitt329:  False.  Guests have up to a year to send you a gift.  A thank you card should be sent promptly and without delay as soon as the gift is received.  At most, three months is what is considered acceptable, and even that is pushing it. 

OP, send them immediately. Once it gets much longer than the 4-6 month range, I think the “better late than never” excuse goes out the window.

Post # 7
8604 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Send them asap.

Post # 8
9181 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

@helpmeplease29:  Aw you poor thing, HUGS!  My husband goes through period of depression, sometimes really severe, so I kind of know how brutal it can be.  You should feel proud for just getting yourself through the day in one piece, because even that can be a struggle.  Other things fall by the wayside and that’s just how it is, so don’t feel badly.  I’m glad you’re starting to feel better.

Re: the cards, just finish them up and send them out.  No need to apologize or make excuses.  Our good friends got married around the same time as you and we just got a thank-you recently, and I didn’t think twice about it being “late”.  

Post # 9
2840 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@helpmeplease29:  Don’t let others determine your value. Better late than never is a good attitude.  Give yourself grace.  I know a thing or 50 about depression, and what you need is grace for yourself.

Post # 10
6355 posts
Bee Keeper

Better late than never is a very good rule in general! There are very few exeptions.

As a guest, I wouldn’t think 4 months is a big deal to get the thank-you letters. It wouldn’t even raise an eyebrow. After 4 years, I’d be surprised, both eyebrows raised, but I’d still appreciate it (in that instance, it would be nice to put in a line apologizing for the lateness, that would set my eyebrows back in normal place again). After 4 months, I’d say, no apologies needed.

Just write them and send them, no need to beat yourself up about it or worry about them anymore!

Post # 11
1372 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Send them now. Personally, I’d be a little offended if I never got a note at all but a late note wouldn’t bother me. In fact, it would be a nice surprise.

Post # 12
957 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Better late than never! Send them out. If people ask, just be honest “Life got really hectic after the wedding and I procrastinated. They are on the way!”

Post # 13
7271 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Definitely late than never! Get them sent it ASAP!

Post # 14
1301 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I would send them out with no explaination.  If someone specifically mentions something, just say that you have a lot of stresseful things going on and the cards got put on the backburner while you were dealing with things.  It can be impossible to do some of the simplest tasks when you’re dealing with depression, so don’t beat yourself up over it!  Just focus on getting yourself to a good place.


Post # 15
3281 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@lolot:  +1!

You are a good person, OP! You are doing a great job. No one is ashamed of you. 🙂

@joya_aspera:  Also +1 to this. I think I’d be sort of tickled if I got a thank-you card after 4 years, actually.

Post # 16
452 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@mchitt329:  Absolutely not. There is no “one year” grace period for sending out thank-you notes. Ideally, thank-yous should be written the same day you receive a gift. For most weddings this is not practical, so the rule of thumb is to get them out within 3 months.

@helpmeplease29:  Maybe focusing on feeling gratitude for the love that came with all those gifts will help ease your depression as you write those notes. Just get them out ASAP, with no comments or excuses for your lateness, and you’ll have a wonderful feeling of accomplishment when you’re done. After all, you have half of them done already, just not mailed yet, right?


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