(Closed) Better late than never?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 32
1506 posts
Bumble bee

@wahine777:  But who cares? If “Miss Manors” says one thing, or Big Bird says their opinion, people can do things however they please. And in this case, where the OP is obviously stressed about it, thos who keep saying “absolutely not” and sounding pretty rude about it- seriously? Lay off.

Post # 33
120 posts
Blushing bee

@helpmeplease29:  I would work on sending them out. You don’t need to make excuses about their lateness or explain what’s been going on; just be sweet and appreciative. We enjoyed having you! We appreciate your gift! Thank you for coming.

It sounds like you might be getting more worked up than you need to about it. Which I totally get. But if you send out a late note, that’s much less gossip-worthy than never sending one, and anyway, I think it’s more important that you sincerely thank your guests than it is that you follow some arbitrary etiquette rules about it.

Don’t let it stress you out too much. Just write some nice notes, and send them out, and be done with it. The people who came or sent gifts will be happy to hear they’re appreciated, even if you’d hoped to do it sooner. Seriously, don’t stress, it’s totally fine, and they’ll feel good just being appreciated.

<3 I really hope you’re doing better! Depression is the worst, I know.

Post # 34
1328 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Just send them out, no need to explain.  The last 3 weddings I’ve gone to I got thank you’s in 3-6 months.  And I didn’t think twice about it.

Post # 35
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@MissLibra:  My comments are for those who keep insisting that waiting a year to send out thank-you notes is acceptable, not for the OP. She already knows she’s late!

I responded to our OP without referring to the etiquette realities; she’s got enough on her plate, and just needs to find a way to turn the note-writing experience into a positive one for herself.

I don’t think fueling the issue with incorrect information that encourages her to keep putting it off is at all helpful to her.


Post # 36
47289 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@helpmeplease29:  Sorry you are dealing with depression, but glad to hear that you are starting to feel better.

There are many couples who do not get their thank-you notes sent out promptly and they don’t have the reason that you do. Depression is a very draining illness. Some days you can barely lift your head off the pillow.

Send the notes out as soon as you can. You can apologize for the delay in the ones that you haven’t already written , but send the others as is.

Stop beating yourself up. There is light at the end of your tunnel.

ps. Don’t be alarmed or upset by posts that seem to be yelling at you -using exclamation marks and saying Do it now! I’m willing to bet most of these Bees have never dealt with depression or know much about it. I hope they had only the best intent.

Post # 37
8470 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m sorry, but your health comes first. And you should be figuring out ways to get better, not worry about sending a frigin thank you. Please don’t let that stress you out even more. Get them printed through Shutterfly and all you have to do is seal an envelope and add a stamp. 

Post # 38
10451 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

I think four months is fine! Just send them. I wouldn’t even bat an eye at 4 months if I were your guests.

Post # 39
1710 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I don’t really care that much about receiving thank you cards, so I wouldn’t mind if mine was late! Just send them out as soon as you can.

Post # 40
44 posts
  • Wedding: February 2014

@helpmeplease29:  It’s still not late! You have a 1-year time frame if I understand correctly. Send the ones you’ve done now and send the rest as you finish them! 🙂 ***HUGS*** I suffered from medium depression some years ago, quit school for a whole year and I slowly got back to my feet with medication and lots of therapy, so I have an idea of how hard this must be for you. Do feel proud for each thank-you card you write and send, this is huge step for your recovery!! ***HUGS***

Post # 41
1769 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Girl, just send them out. Sure, it’s not “okay” that it’s been this long, but really, a late thank you is better than no thank you.

A friend of mine just celebrated her two year wedding anniversary and I got a thank you….


oh yeah, never. And she’s one of my best friends and I’d like to think I’m better than that, but I still think slightly less of her for never thanking me for my gift.

Post # 42
1798 posts
Buzzing bee

Send them out as soon as possible! I went to a friend’s wedding 2.5 years ago. She never sent us a thank you card, and I’m STILL waiting on it. Like I know it’s not coming, but I just can’t believe that she didn’t send it, so I’ll probably be wondering where it is forever. 

Post # 44
6524 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@helpmeplease29:  Yes…better late than never. And if people have the nerve to ask you simply say you were busy enjoying married life.


FYI my SIL didnt send her TYs out til 6 months!!! I just ordered mine and I hope to have them out before the 3 month mark

Post # 45
6524 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@beetee123:  Thats really rude.

I went to a wedding at the end of july and I dont think they will be sending out thank you cards. Its been 3 whole months. Its been 1 since mine and im panicking about being rude. But I made a custom thabk you card and they shipped so as soon as I get them im gonna start writing them and sending them!

Post # 46
2250 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@julies1949:  +1000.

OP, keep working at them, and try not to let it stress you out. Your loved ones will understand; I’m sure they’ll just be happy that you sent out the cards at all. Best of luck!

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