Better to tough out long distance for 1yr maternity leave or relocate with none?

posted 2 years ago in Career
Post # 47
212 posts
Helper bee

Are you guys already TTC?  If he leaves September 2018, that means you have 5 months to conceive.  Are you on hormonal birth control? If yes, that is even less time.

I’m just thinking about the fact that timing sex for conception can be tough even in the same place, let alone in a LDR.  So this may all end up being moot.

Also, I wrote a long post that didn’t post about how I had a rough pregnancy – in the hospital for preterm labor at 25, 28, and 30 weeks, and 9 weeks of bed rest.  I could not have made it without my husband, physically or emotionally.  I wasn’t allowed to go to the grocery store, and couldn’t stand long enough to make more than the most basic of meals. 

If you had asked me pre pregnancy if I wanted 1 year of leave or my husband there during pregnancy, I would have said leave.  However, after being through it, I pick having my husband around. 

Post # 49
1537 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Just adding another anecdotal data point for you: I am an attorney in a small boutique law firm in a southern U.S. state, too small to fall under FMLA.  We do toxic torts cases. 

My firm gives 8 weeks leave no matter the type of birth, fully paid.  After you take maternity leave, you only get 5 days combined PTO (vacation and sick, excluding bank holidays) for the next 365 days after you return.  Further time off would require doctor’s note and would be unpaid.  

I think the legal market in California might still be somewhat glutted, since California allows pretty much anybody to take the California bar whereas other states will require that you have a degree from an ABA accredited law school.  Also legal market in the U.S. has been hammered in general since 2008. 

Post # 50
212 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
graces7 :  I bet there are some folks in the IVF threads who would have thoughts on the IVF angle.  My friends who went through it had a lot of emotions involved, and it may be another situation where having your husband there would be key.  Some people share their IVF experience but others keep it private, so if you want to keep it quiet, the support will be important.  

I ended up going to almost 38 weeks so it all worked out!  However, I have some decent postpartum anxiety.  Like you I like to plan (I’m a lawyer too!) and pregnancy and having a baby is impossible to control. So while you may have a plan, be flexible as it is likely to change.  

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